看英语笑话，学英文单词

rock

参加EC已有好一段时间了，每次活动对我来说都是一次收获。在这里不仅结识了朋友，获取了信息，锻炼了口语，更让人感觉到的是一种温馨，同时也被你们的团队精神所感动。饮水思源，在享受你们精心策划的活动的同时，也尽一点个人的微薄之力。恰好手头正有一些资料，就拿出来和大伙一起分享。希望对学习英语的爱好者能够有所帮助，同时也祝愿我们的EC能够越办越好。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-9 10:28 编辑 ]

rock

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers. “I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle,” he explained. “Now, begin!”
After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.
“Why did you stop, Smith?” demanded the officer.
“If you please, sir,” said Smith, “I’m freewheeling for a while.”

参考翻译：
体能训练教官在训练一个排的士兵。他说：“我希望每个人都躺下来，把双腿伸向空中，做骑自行车状。现在开始！”
过了几分钟，其中一个人停了下来。
教官问道：史密斯，你为什么停下来？”
史密斯回答说：“长官，如果你同意，我的自行车这会儿在凭着惯性前进。”

注释：
1. instructor： n. 教师；教员；指导者
e.g.: He is a sports instructor. 他是个体育教员。
2．drill：n.& v. 钻孔（机），操练
e.g.：To drill students in English grammar 让学生练习英语语法
3．explain: v. 解释，说明
e.g.：Can you explain why you were late?
4. freewheel: v. 轻快地行动，凭惯性前进

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:49 编辑 ]

Stephen

yr kind and continual support is great appreciated!

Tristen

ha ,rock ,well done

SmilingRain

哈，rock,看架势你好像要来开个网络课堂啊！支持支持！哎，我有好多东东都在家里的电脑里，很多也都是网友给的。 现在身边资源匮乏，又得好好积累了[s:4]

rock

引用第2楼Stephen于2006-10-24 13:17发表的“”:
yr kind and continual support is great appreciated!

引用第3楼Tristen于2006-10-24 13:45发表的“”:
ha ,rock ,well done

引用第4楼眉靓于2006-10-24 17:26发表的“”:
哈，rock,看架势你好像要来开个网络课堂啊！支持支持！哎，我有好多东东都在家里的电脑里，很多也都是网友给的。 现在身边资源匮乏，又得好好积累了[s:4]

Tks u guys, I just try to be a little helpful.[s:1]

rock

Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, please stand.
Little Jimmy stood up, alone.
Mrs. White said, “Jimmy, do you really think you’re stupid?”
“No,” Jimmy said. “But I didn’t want you standing up there alone.”

参考翻译：
怀特太太问她的四年级学生是否觉得自己很愚蠢，如果是，请站起来。
小吉米一个人站了起来。
怀特太太说：“吉米，你真的觉得自己蠢吗？”
“不，”吉米说，“但是我不想只有你一个人站着。”

注释：
1. stupid: adj. 愚蠢的，麻木的
  记得阿甘正传里有句经典的对白：
----Are you stupid or something? 你是傻子还是怎么的？
----Stupid is as stupid does. 傻人做傻事。
2. alone: adj. 单独的，独自的；adv. 独自地
  e.g.: I was alone in the house. 我一个人呆在家里。
  这里顺便再提另一个词lonely：孤独的，寂寞的
  前者强调的是客观现象，后者则强调主观感觉。看下面例子：
  I live alone, but I am not lonely. 我独居，但我不孤独。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:49 编辑 ]

Suzy

呵呵，有意思，rock continue

rock

Eleven women were clinging  precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a  crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
  As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
  Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
  All the blondes applauded.

参考翻译：
  十一个女人去登珠穆琅玛峰，她们全都吊在一座山势险峻的峭壁上，任绳子猛烈晃动。十个是金发女人，一个是褐发女人。
  他们决定让其中一个人跳下去，因为如果不这样做的话，绳子就会断掉，所有的人都会丧命。她们煎熬了好一会儿，但没有一个自愿者出现。
  最后，褐发女人发表了一篇感人肺腑的讲演，说她将牺牲自己以拯救其他人。
  于是所有的金发女人都热烈鼓掌。

注释：
1. volunteer: n.&v. 自愿（者）
  记得在大学时课堂上最常听到的一句话就是：Any volunteers?...(after several seconds)[s:15]  Ok, if so, let's do it one by one.看来当时确实是很不积极。不过这个单词到是就这样记住了[s:1]再来看一个例子： We all volunteered to help this old man. 我们都自愿帮助这个老人。
2. cling: v. 粘者，紧贴，紧握不放，后通常跟“to”（注意它的过去式和过去分词）
  e.g.: The baby monkey clung to its mother.  小猴子紧紧偎着它妈妈。
3. perish: v. 死，暴卒，毁灭，枯萎
  e.g.: Flowers perish when frost comes. 霜降时花即枯萎。
4. touching: 感人的，同义词 moving
   比较感性的一个词，就象体内的某根神经突然受到触动一样。
  e.g.: The movie is touching. 这片影片很感人。
  同时也顺便联系对应的两个touched 和moved，意为“被感动的”主语通常是人。
  e.g.: I was deeply touched by his story. 我被他的故事所打动了。
5. sacrifice: n.& v. 供奉，祭祀，牺牲
  这个词也是很经常用的。小时候我们常常被教育要学习革命先烈们sacrificed themselves to the country. 长大后为了家人、事业与爱情我们有时也不得不make some sacrifices。But we all think it is worth doing this. 当然应该没有人想自己成为 the sacrifice like a sheep in the temple。

[ 本帖最后由 Tristen 于 2008-6-2 13:23 编辑 ]

rock

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public part.
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just  throwing peanuts in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

参考翻译：
三个男人站在法官面前，因为被指控在一个公共公园里醉酒并有违纪行为。
法官：你在那儿做什么？
第一个男人：哦，只是在向池塘里扔花生。
法官：那么你又在那儿做什么呢？
第二个男人：我也在向池塘里扔花生。
法官：听起来好象无伤大雅啊。那么你呢，你也在向池塘里扔花生？
第三个男人：没有，先生。我就是花生。

注释：
1. disorder: n.& v. 杂乱，（使）混乱；disorderly 混乱的，无序的
2. conduct: n. 行为，操行；v. 引导，管理
e.g.: His conduct disagrees with his words. 他言行不一。
3. peanut: n. 花生
pea 豌豆+nut 坚果=peanut 花生（什么逻辑嘛 [s:3] ），还有pea豌豆+cock公鸡=peacock孔雀（英语真是让人匪夷所思 [s:10] ）
4. harmless: adj. 无害的，无恶意的；反义词：harmful 有害的
类似的形容词还有很多，例如：hopeful 和hopeless，meaningful和 meaningless等。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:51 编辑 ]

rock

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:" Now, students, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
" Yes, sir," the boys said.
" Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted," It's because your feet aren't empty."

参考翻译：
老师正在给学生们讲血液循环。为了讲得更清楚些，他说：“现在，同学们，如果我手脚倒立的话，正如你们知道的，血液会流入头部，然后我的脸会涨红。”
男孩们说：“是的，老师。”
“那么，为什么我正常站立的时候，血液不会流向脚下呢？”
一个小孩大声说：“因为你的脚不是空的。” [s:10]

注释：
1. circulation: n. 循环，流通 ，发行额
  e.g.: This book has been taken out of circulation. 这本书已经不再发行了。
2. upright: adj. 垂直的，正直的
  e.g.: Put the bottle upright, not on its side.
3. position: n. 位置，职位
  e.g.: He's got a good position in this company. 他在这个公司谋得了一份好工作。

[ 本帖最后由 Tristen 于 2008-6-5 13:43 编辑 ]

phil

Great!!Rock ROCKS!!!HAHA

rock

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve good grades in his/ her classes.
15 mins looking for assignment.
11 mins calling a friend for the assignment.
23 mins explaining why the teacher is mean.
8 mins in the bathroom.
10 mins getting a snack.
7 mins checking the TV Guide.
6 mins telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 mins sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

参考翻译：
这里是针对一般学生学校家庭作业政策的解释。学生每天晚上不得花费90分钟以上用于做作业。如果一个学生想在课上取得好成绩，他应该像下面那样制定时间表：
15分钟寻找作业要求；
11分钟打电话给朋友询问要求；
23分钟想清楚老师的意思；
8分钟上洗手间；
10分钟吃点心；
7分钟翻看《电视指南》；
6分钟告诉父母老师没有说清楚作业是什么；
10分钟坐在厨房桌子前等爸爸或妈妈做作业。

注释：
1. schedule: n. 时间表，进度表; v. 确定时间
这个词还是很常用的。对于上班族来说，有时候忙起来容易忘事，所以手头有份schedule是再好不过了（只要别忙到忘了看就好）。当然，除了工作，在其他很多方面例如学习、旅游等也都需要schedule，人生就是在不断的完成中进行的。回到正题，来看两个具体的例子：
e.g.: The next thing on our schedule it to telephone our friends.
我们的日程安排中要做的下一件事就是给我们的朋友打电话。
The plane is scheduled to take off at 4 p.m..  飞机定于下午四点起飞。
2. average: adj. 平均的，一般的; n. 平均数
e.g.: What is the average rainfall for August in your country?
   你们国家八月份的平均降雨量是多少？
  His results is the average.    他的成绩平平。
3. budget: n. 预算；v. 做预算
e.g.: a government/ family budge 政府/家庭预算
4. assignment: n. 任务，（课外）作业
以前曾给学生开过玩笑说我们的课是没有homework的（掌声不断），但是呢会有一些assignments给大家（掌声立刻停止，叹息声杀猪声四起）。不过幸运的是这个词倒也记住了。
e.g.: What’s today’s assignment? 今天的作业是什么？
5. snack: n. 小吃，快餐
这里要注意的是另外两个词snake蛇和snail螺，虽然也都可以吃，但如果点错了也是比较麻烦的，搞不好又吃出福寿螺事件。

rock

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. “And what if I swallow it?”
“No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”

参考翻译：
一个男人去理发店修面。理发师给他抹上泡沫后，他说他需要很细致地刮两颊。
“我正好有办法，”理发师从旁边一个抽屉里拿出一个小的木球来，“把这个衔在口里，放在牙龈和脸颊之间。”
这位顾客照做了，理发师开始为他十分细致的刮脸，他从没有体会过的细致。刮了几刀后，这位客人含糊不清地问道：“如果我把它吞下去怎么办？”
“没关系，”理发师说：“就像所有人那样，你明天给我送回来就行了。”

注释：
1. barber: n. 理发师
  去理发店可以说go to the barber’s 或 go to a barbershop, 当然纯理发可以说 have a haircut, 修剪的话是trim，平头是crap。
2. shave: v. 剃，刮；n. 刮脸
  e.g.: My father shaves everyday. 我爸爸每天都刮脸。
3. foam: n. 泡沫；v. （使）起泡沫
  e.g.: He was foaming at the mouth. 他口吐白沫。
4. drawer: n. 抽屉，画家
5. swallow: n. 吞，咽，燕子；v. 咽，吞, 吞没
  e.g.: He swallowed some milk. 他咽下了几口牛奶。

Lainie

看出来Rock是个很细心的人物啊，辛苦了~

文明灌水里有一个我们VIVI版主做的贴“http://www.englishpub.cn/bbs/read.php?tid-19-toread-1.html”也是关于英语笑话的，你们看整合在你这里如何？

rock

引用第14楼Lainie于2006-11-02 13:36发表的“”:
看出来Rock是个很细心的人物啊，辛苦了~

文明灌水里有一个我们VIVI版主做的贴“http://www.englishpub.cn/bbs/read.php?tid-19-toread-1.html”也是关于英语笑话的，你们看整合在你这里如何？

我没意见，把我的整过去也行。以后我就在那边跟贴。

rock

In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."
A woman standing next to him said," You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert."
The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."

参考翻译：
在一家超市里，一个男人推着一辆购物车，车里面有一个正在大喊大叫的小孩。这位绅士不停地柔声重复说：“不要太激动，阿尔伯特；不要尖叫，阿尔伯特；不要大喊，阿尔伯特；保持冷静，阿尔伯特。”
站在他身边的女人对他说：“你一定是在哄你的孩子阿尔伯特吧？”
男人看了看她，说：“女士，我是阿尔伯特。”

注释：
1. cart: n. 手推车；v.用车装载
  e.g.: We usually use a cart or basket in a supermarket. 在超市里我们通常用手推车或篮子。
2. bellow: v. 吼叫，咆哮
  e.g.: " Go away!" he bellowed angrily. “滚开！”他气愤地大声吼道。
3. soothe: v. 使（神经，情绪）平静，使（痛苦，疼痛）减轻
  e.g.: She soothed the child who was afraid. 她使这个害怕的孩子安静下来。

rock

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read MAIN ENTRANCE.

参考翻译：
一个零售店老板很担忧，当他看见他的店旁边开了一家类似的商店，那家店还立了一块大牌子写着：最好的买卖。
不久他更害怕了，因为另一家竞争对手在他家店的右边开张了，并且在店面上立了更大的一块牌子，写着：最低的价格。
店主慌了，最后他想出了一个办法。他在自己的店面上立了最大的一块牌子，上面写着：入口。

注释：
1. dismay: n.&v. （使）沮丧，（使）惊慌
  e.g.: I was dismayed when I recognized his voice.  当我听出是他的声音时，我感到丧气。
2. brand new: 崭新，全新
3. erect: adj.& v. 直立（的），竖立（的）
  e.g.: This monument was erected in honor of the martyrs during the internal war.
            这座纪念碑是为内战中牺牲的烈士们而建立的。
4. sign: n. 标记，符号；v. 签名（于）
  e.g.: Please sign your name here. 请在这里签名。
  易混词：sigh 叹息
5. entrance: n. 入口    对应词：exit 出口
  e.g.: He stood in the entrance of the hospital.
            他站在医院的入口处。

rock

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, your are really ugly." Well, the lady was angry! She stormed past the store to her work. One the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, " Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly furious so she went into the store and asid that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, " That's not good," and promised it wouldn't say it again.
The next day when the lady walked past the store the parrot called to her, " Hey, lady."
She paused and said, " Yes?"
The bird said, " You know." [s:2]

参考翻译：
一位女士穿过一条街去上班，她看见一家宠物店前面挂着一只鹦鹉。鹦鹉对她说：“嗨，女士，你真的很丑。”当然，女士很生气！她一阵风似的走过这家店去上班了。回家的路上，她又看见那只鹦鹉，它又对她说：“嗨，女士，你真的很丑。”
女士真的被激怒了，于是她走进店去，声称她要告这家店并且杀了那只鸟。店长回答说：“那可不好。”然后保证说它再也不说了。
第二天，女士又走过这家店，鹦鹉把她叫住了，“嗨，女士。”
她停下来说道：“怎么？”
那只鸟说：“你知道的。”

注释：
1. parrot: n. 鹦鹉    易混词 carrot (胡萝卜）
  e.g.: We can't be the parrots of others men's thinking.
            我们不能成为人云亦云而不知所云者。
2. ugly: adj. 丑陋的，难看的    反义词：beautiful
3. furious: adj. 狂怒的，狂暴的
  e.g.: He will be furious at being kept waiting.
            如果让他久等，他会大发雷霆的。

rock

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, " You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
" Why?"
" Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

参考翻译：
早超市里，男人走近一个非常漂亮的女人，问道：“你知道么，我在这家超市里丢了我的妻子。你能和我说几句话吗？”
“为什么？”
“因为每次我和美女说话的时候，我妻子就会从不知什么地方出现的。”

注释：
1. approach: v. 接近，靠近； n. 接近，方法，途径
  e.g.: The approach of winter brings cold weather.  冬天快到了,天气要转冷了。
        A new year is approaching.  新年快到了。
2. couple: n. (一)对, (一)双, 夫妇   a couple of 几（个），三两（个）
  e.g.: I have a couple of things to do.    我有几件事情要办。
       This is a newly married couples 这是一对新婚夫妇。
3. nowhere:adv. 无处, 到处都无
  e.g.: He is nowhere to be seen.  任何地方都见不着他。
       He came from nowhere.  不知道他是从那里来的。