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标题: 看英语笑话，学英文单词 [打印本页]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-10-24 11:36     标题: 看英语笑话，学英文单词

参加EC已有好一段时间了，每次活动对我来说都是一次收获。在这里不仅结识了朋友，获取了信息，锻炼了口语，更让人感觉到的是一种温馨，同时也被你们的团队精神所感动。饮水思源，在享受你们精心策划的活动的同时，也尽一点个人的微薄之力。恰好手头正有一些资料，就拿出来和大伙一起分享。希望对学习英语的爱好者能够有所帮助，同时也祝愿我们的EC能够越办越好。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-9 10:28 编辑 ]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-10-24 11:37

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers. “I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle,” he explained. “Now, begin!”
After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.
“Why did you stop, Smith?” demanded the officer.
“If you please, sir,” said Smith, “I’m freewheeling for a while.”

参考翻译：
体能训练教官在训练一个排的士兵。他说：“我希望每个人都躺下来，把双腿伸向空中，做骑自行车状。现在开始！”
过了几分钟，其中一个人停了下来。
教官问道：史密斯，你为什么停下来？”
史密斯回答说：“长官，如果你同意，我的自行车这会儿在凭着惯性前进。”

注释：
1. instructor： n. 教师；教员；指导者
e.g.: He is a sports instructor. 他是个体育教员。
2．drill：n.& v. 钻孔（机），操练
e.g.：To drill students in English grammar 让学生练习英语语法
3．explain: v. 解释，说明
e.g.：Can you explain why you were late?
4. freewheel: v. 轻快地行动，凭惯性前进

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:49 编辑 ]
作者: Stephen    时间: 2006-10-24 13:17

yr kind and continual support is great appreciated!
作者: Tristen    时间: 2006-10-24 13:45

ha ,rock ,well done
作者: SmilingRain    时间: 2006-10-24 17:26

哈，rock,看架势你好像要来开个网络课堂啊！支持支持！哎，我有好多东东都在家里的电脑里，很多也都是网友给的。 现在身边资源匮乏，又得好好积累了[s:4]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-10-25 12:30

引用第2楼Stephen于2006-10-24 13:17发表的“”:
yr kind and continual support is great appreciated!
引用第3楼Tristen于2006-10-24 13:45发表的“”:
ha ,rock ,well done
引用第4楼眉靓于2006-10-24 17:26发表的“”:
哈，rock,看架势你好像要来开个网络课堂啊！支持支持！哎，我有好多东东都在家里的电脑里，很多也都是网友给的。 现在身边资源匮乏，又得好好积累了[s:4]
Tks u guys, I just try to be a little helpful.[s:1]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-10-25 12:31

Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, please stand.
Little Jimmy stood up, alone.
Mrs. White said, “Jimmy, do you really think you’re stupid?”
“No,” Jimmy said. “But I didn’t want you standing up there alone.”

参考翻译：
怀特太太问她的四年级学生是否觉得自己很愚蠢，如果是，请站起来。
小吉米一个人站了起来。
怀特太太说：“吉米，你真的觉得自己蠢吗？”
“不，”吉米说，“但是我不想只有你一个人站着。”

注释：
1. stupid: adj. 愚蠢的，麻木的
  记得阿甘正传里有句经典的对白：
----Are you stupid or something? 你是傻子还是怎么的？
----Stupid is as stupid does. 傻人做傻事。
2. alone: adj. 单独的，独自的；adv. 独自地
  e.g.: I was alone in the house. 我一个人呆在家里。
  这里顺便再提另一个词lonely：孤独的，寂寞的
  前者强调的是客观现象，后者则强调主观感觉。看下面例子：
  I live alone, but I am not lonely. 我独居，但我不孤独。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:49 编辑 ]
作者: Suzy    时间: 2006-10-25 20:03

呵呵，有意思，rock continue
作者: rock    时间: 2006-10-26 11:32

Eleven women were clinging  precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a  crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
  As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
  Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
  All the blondes applauded.

参考翻译：
  十一个女人去登珠穆琅玛峰，她们全都吊在一座山势险峻的峭壁上，任绳子猛烈晃动。十个是金发女人，一个是褐发女人。
  他们决定让其中一个人跳下去，因为如果不这样做的话，绳子就会断掉，所有的人都会丧命。她们煎熬了好一会儿，但没有一个自愿者出现。
  最后，褐发女人发表了一篇感人肺腑的讲演，说她将牺牲自己以拯救其他人。
  于是所有的金发女人都热烈鼓掌。

注释：
1. volunteer: n.&v. 自愿（者）
  记得在大学时课堂上最常听到的一句话就是：Any volunteers?...(after several seconds)[s:15]  Ok, if so, let's do it one by one.看来当时确实是很不积极。不过这个单词到是就这样记住了[s:1]再来看一个例子： We all volunteered to help this old man. 我们都自愿帮助这个老人。
2. cling: v. 粘者，紧贴，紧握不放，后通常跟“to”（注意它的过去式和过去分词）
  e.g.: The baby monkey clung to its mother.  小猴子紧紧偎着它妈妈。
3. perish: v. 死，暴卒，毁灭，枯萎
  e.g.: Flowers perish when frost comes. 霜降时花即枯萎。
4. touching: 感人的，同义词 moving
   比较感性的一个词，就象体内的某根神经突然受到触动一样。
  e.g.: The movie is touching. 这片影片很感人。
  同时也顺便联系对应的两个touched 和moved，意为“被感动的”主语通常是人。
  e.g.: I was deeply touched by his story. 我被他的故事所打动了。
5. sacrifice: n.& v. 供奉，祭祀，牺牲
  这个词也是很经常用的。小时候我们常常被教育要学习革命先烈们sacrificed themselves to the country. 长大后为了家人、事业与爱情我们有时也不得不make some sacrifices。But we all think it is worth doing this. 当然应该没有人想自己成为 the sacrifice like a sheep in the temple。

[ 本帖最后由 Tristen 于 2008-6-2 13:23 编辑 ]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-10-27 14:20

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public part.
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just  throwing peanuts in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

参考翻译：
三个男人站在法官面前，因为被指控在一个公共公园里醉酒并有违纪行为。
法官：你在那儿做什么？
第一个男人：哦，只是在向池塘里扔花生。
法官：那么你又在那儿做什么呢？
第二个男人：我也在向池塘里扔花生。
法官：听起来好象无伤大雅啊。那么你呢，你也在向池塘里扔花生？
第三个男人：没有，先生。我就是花生。

注释：
1. disorder: n.& v. 杂乱，（使）混乱；disorderly 混乱的，无序的
2. conduct: n. 行为，操行；v. 引导，管理
e.g.: His conduct disagrees with his words. 他言行不一。
3. peanut: n. 花生
pea 豌豆+nut 坚果=peanut 花生（什么逻辑嘛 [s:3] ），还有pea豌豆+cock公鸡=peacock孔雀（英语真是让人匪夷所思 [s:10] ）
4. harmless: adj. 无害的，无恶意的；反义词：harmful 有害的
类似的形容词还有很多，例如：hopeful 和hopeless，meaningful和 meaningless等。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:51 编辑 ]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-10-30 14:59

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:" Now, students, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
" Yes, sir," the boys said.
" Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted," It's because your feet aren't empty."

参考翻译：
老师正在给学生们讲血液循环。为了讲得更清楚些，他说：“现在，同学们，如果我手脚倒立的话，正如你们知道的，血液会流入头部，然后我的脸会涨红。”
男孩们说：“是的，老师。”
“那么，为什么我正常站立的时候，血液不会流向脚下呢？”
一个小孩大声说：“因为你的脚不是空的。” [s:10]

注释：
1. circulation: n. 循环，流通 ，发行额
  e.g.: This book has been taken out of circulation. 这本书已经不再发行了。
2. upright: adj. 垂直的，正直的
  e.g.: Put the bottle upright, not on its side.
3. position: n. 位置，职位
  e.g.: He's got a good position in this company. 他在这个公司谋得了一份好工作。

[ 本帖最后由 Tristen 于 2008-6-5 13:43 编辑 ]
作者: phil    时间: 2006-10-30 18:01

Great!!Rock ROCKS!!!HAHA
作者: rock    时间: 2006-10-31 10:16

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve good grades in his/ her classes.
15 mins looking for assignment.
11 mins calling a friend for the assignment.
23 mins explaining why the teacher is mean.
8 mins in the bathroom.
10 mins getting a snack.
7 mins checking the TV Guide.
6 mins telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 mins sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

参考翻译：
这里是针对一般学生学校家庭作业政策的解释。学生每天晚上不得花费90分钟以上用于做作业。如果一个学生想在课上取得好成绩，他应该像下面那样制定时间表：
15分钟寻找作业要求；
11分钟打电话给朋友询问要求；
23分钟想清楚老师的意思；
8分钟上洗手间；
10分钟吃点心；
7分钟翻看《电视指南》；
6分钟告诉父母老师没有说清楚作业是什么；
10分钟坐在厨房桌子前等爸爸或妈妈做作业。

注释：
1. schedule: n. 时间表，进度表; v. 确定时间
这个词还是很常用的。对于上班族来说，有时候忙起来容易忘事，所以手头有份schedule是再好不过了（只要别忙到忘了看就好）。当然，除了工作，在其他很多方面例如学习、旅游等也都需要schedule，人生就是在不断的完成中进行的。回到正题，来看两个具体的例子：
e.g.: The next thing on our schedule it to telephone our friends.
我们的日程安排中要做的下一件事就是给我们的朋友打电话。
The plane is scheduled to take off at 4 p.m..  飞机定于下午四点起飞。
2. average: adj. 平均的，一般的; n. 平均数
e.g.: What is the average rainfall for August in your country?
   你们国家八月份的平均降雨量是多少？
  His results is the average.    他的成绩平平。
3. budget: n. 预算；v. 做预算
e.g.: a government/ family budge 政府/家庭预算
4. assignment: n. 任务，（课外）作业
以前曾给学生开过玩笑说我们的课是没有homework的（掌声不断），但是呢会有一些assignments给大家（掌声立刻停止，叹息声杀猪声四起）。不过幸运的是这个词倒也记住了。
e.g.: What’s today’s assignment? 今天的作业是什么？
5. snack: n. 小吃，快餐
这里要注意的是另外两个词snake蛇和snail螺，虽然也都可以吃，但如果点错了也是比较麻烦的，搞不好又吃出福寿螺事件。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-1 16:01

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. “And what if I swallow it?”
“No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”

参考翻译：
一个男人去理发店修面。理发师给他抹上泡沫后，他说他需要很细致地刮两颊。
“我正好有办法，”理发师从旁边一个抽屉里拿出一个小的木球来，“把这个衔在口里，放在牙龈和脸颊之间。”
这位顾客照做了，理发师开始为他十分细致的刮脸，他从没有体会过的细致。刮了几刀后，这位客人含糊不清地问道：“如果我把它吞下去怎么办？”
“没关系，”理发师说：“就像所有人那样，你明天给我送回来就行了。”

注释：
1. barber: n. 理发师
  去理发店可以说go to the barber’s 或 go to a barbershop, 当然纯理发可以说 have a haircut, 修剪的话是trim，平头是crap。
2. shave: v. 剃，刮；n. 刮脸
  e.g.: My father shaves everyday. 我爸爸每天都刮脸。
3. foam: n. 泡沫；v. （使）起泡沫
  e.g.: He was foaming at the mouth. 他口吐白沫。
4. drawer: n. 抽屉，画家
5. swallow: n. 吞，咽，燕子；v. 咽，吞, 吞没
  e.g.: He swallowed some milk. 他咽下了几口牛奶。
作者: Lainie    时间: 2006-11-2 13:36

看出来Rock是个很细心的人物啊，辛苦了~

文明灌水里有一个我们VIVI版主做的贴“http://www.englishpub.cn/bbs/read.php?tid-19-toread-1.html”也是关于英语笑话的，你们看整合在你这里如何？
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-2 17:02

引用第14楼Lainie于2006-11-02 13:36发表的“”:
看出来Rock是个很细心的人物啊，辛苦了~

文明灌水里有一个我们VIVI版主做的贴“http://www.englishpub.cn/bbs/read.php?tid-19-toread-1.html”也是关于英语笑话的，你们看整合在你这里如何？
我没意见，把我的整过去也行。以后我就在那边跟贴。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-2 17:20

In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."
A woman standing next to him said," You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert."
The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."

参考翻译：
在一家超市里，一个男人推着一辆购物车，车里面有一个正在大喊大叫的小孩。这位绅士不停地柔声重复说：“不要太激动，阿尔伯特；不要尖叫，阿尔伯特；不要大喊，阿尔伯特；保持冷静，阿尔伯特。”
站在他身边的女人对他说：“你一定是在哄你的孩子阿尔伯特吧？”
男人看了看她，说：“女士，我是阿尔伯特。”

注释：
1. cart: n. 手推车；v.用车装载
  e.g.: We usually use a cart or basket in a supermarket. 在超市里我们通常用手推车或篮子。
2. bellow: v. 吼叫，咆哮
  e.g.: " Go away!" he bellowed angrily. “滚开！”他气愤地大声吼道。
3. soothe: v. 使（神经，情绪）平静，使（痛苦，疼痛）减轻
  e.g.: She soothed the child who was afraid. 她使这个害怕的孩子安静下来。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-6 14:51

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read MAIN ENTRANCE.

参考翻译：
一个零售店老板很担忧，当他看见他的店旁边开了一家类似的商店，那家店还立了一块大牌子写着：最好的买卖。
不久他更害怕了，因为另一家竞争对手在他家店的右边开张了，并且在店面上立了更大的一块牌子，写着：最低的价格。
店主慌了，最后他想出了一个办法。他在自己的店面上立了最大的一块牌子，上面写着：入口。

注释：
1. dismay: n.&v. （使）沮丧，（使）惊慌
  e.g.: I was dismayed when I recognized his voice.  当我听出是他的声音时，我感到丧气。
2. brand new: 崭新，全新
3. erect: adj.& v. 直立（的），竖立（的）
  e.g.: This monument was erected in honor of the martyrs during the internal war.
            这座纪念碑是为内战中牺牲的烈士们而建立的。
4. sign: n. 标记，符号；v. 签名（于）
  e.g.: Please sign your name here. 请在这里签名。
  易混词：sigh 叹息
5. entrance: n. 入口    对应词：exit 出口
  e.g.: He stood in the entrance of the hospital.
            他站在医院的入口处。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-7 11:37

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, your are really ugly." Well, the lady was angry! She stormed past the store to her work. One the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, " Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly furious so she went into the store and asid that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, " That's not good," and promised it wouldn't say it again.
The next day when the lady walked past the store the parrot called to her, " Hey, lady."
She paused and said, " Yes?"
The bird said, " You know." [s:2]

参考翻译：
一位女士穿过一条街去上班，她看见一家宠物店前面挂着一只鹦鹉。鹦鹉对她说：“嗨，女士，你真的很丑。”当然，女士很生气！她一阵风似的走过这家店去上班了。回家的路上，她又看见那只鹦鹉，它又对她说：“嗨，女士，你真的很丑。”
女士真的被激怒了，于是她走进店去，声称她要告这家店并且杀了那只鸟。店长回答说：“那可不好。”然后保证说它再也不说了。
第二天，女士又走过这家店，鹦鹉把她叫住了，“嗨，女士。”
她停下来说道：“怎么？”
那只鸟说：“你知道的。”

注释：
1. parrot: n. 鹦鹉    易混词 carrot (胡萝卜）
  e.g.: We can't be the parrots of others men's thinking.
            我们不能成为人云亦云而不知所云者。
2. ugly: adj. 丑陋的，难看的    反义词：beautiful
3. furious: adj. 狂怒的，狂暴的
  e.g.: He will be furious at being kept waiting.
            如果让他久等，他会大发雷霆的。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-8 15:41

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, " You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
" Why?"
" Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

参考翻译：
早超市里，男人走近一个非常漂亮的女人，问道：“你知道么，我在这家超市里丢了我的妻子。你能和我说几句话吗？”
“为什么？”
“因为每次我和美女说话的时候，我妻子就会从不知什么地方出现的。”

注释：
1. approach: v. 接近，靠近； n. 接近，方法，途径
  e.g.: The approach of winter brings cold weather.  冬天快到了,天气要转冷了。
        A new year is approaching.  新年快到了。
2. couple: n. (一)对, (一)双, 夫妇   a couple of 几（个），三两（个）
  e.g.: I have a couple of things to do.    我有几件事情要办。
       This is a newly married couples 这是一对新婚夫妇。
3. nowhere:adv. 无处, 到处都无
  e.g.: He is nowhere to be seen.  任何地方都见不着他。
       He came from nowhere.  不知道他是从那里来的。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-9 11:25

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second.

参考翻译：
凡人：一百万年对于你来说是什么？
上帝：就像一秒钟。
凡人：一百万美元对于你来说是什么？
上帝：就像一便士。
凡人：可以给我一便士吗？
上帝：等我一秒种。

注释：
1. mortal: n. 凡人, 人类；adj. 致命的, 人类的, 临终的
  e.g.: As mortal beings, we’re all going to die one day.
     作为凡人，我们有一天都会死去。
  易混词：moral  adj. 道德的； n. 道德
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-10 15:29

God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him,:" Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, " What could I get for a rib?"

参考翻译：
上帝向凡间看，发现所有的动物都成双成对，只有亚当是孤身一人，于是他决定也给男人造一个同伴。他去见亚当，对他说：“亚当，你是我最杰出的造物，因此我将为你造一个终身伴侣。她将敬畏你走过的土地，只渴望你，而不想别人，她会十分聪明，会无微不至地守侯你，听从你的一切命令，她会很漂亮，而这一切只需要用去你的一只胳膊和一条腿。”想了一会儿后，亚当回答说：“那我用一跟肋骨可以得到什么？”

注释：
1. companion: n. 同伴，共事者
  e.g.: She is my only Chinese companion during my stay in America.
            她是我在美期间唯一的中国伙伴。
2. worship: v.& n. 崇拜，尊敬
  e.g.: Christians worship God.
            基督教徒信仰上帝。
3. intelligent: adj. 聪明的，伶俐的
4. wait on sb. hand and foot 无微不至地守侯某人
  e.g.: She always waits on me hand and foot.    
        她总是一直全身心地守侯在我身边。
5. obey: v. 服从，顺从
  e.g.: Soldiers have to obey orders.
            军人必须服从命令。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-13 15:17

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon with great expression. He said," If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said," And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
   And then finally he said," And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
   He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with asmile, " For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: Shall We Gather at the River."

参考翻译：
   一个牧师正在用极高明的表达方式结束一次有关节制的训诫。他说道：“如果我有世界上所有的啤酒，我将把它们仍进河里。” 他又加重语气说：”如果我有世界上所有的葡萄酒，我也把它们仍进河里。”
   最后，他说：“如果我有世界上所有的威士忌，我也把它们仍进河里。”
   说完他坐下，唱诗班领队十分谨慎地站起来，微笑着宣布：“我们的结束曲目是第365号赞美诗，《让我们在河岸聚会》”。

注释：
1. complete: adj. 全部的，完成的； v. 完成，使完善
  e.g.: This is a complete story.     这是一个完整的故事。
       The work is not completed yet.   这个工作还未完成。
2. temperance: n. 节欲，戒酒，禁酒
  e.g.: practise temperance in diet 节制饮食
3. emphasis: n. 强调,侧重点, 重要性
  e.g.: He spoke with emphasis. 他强调地说。
4. cautiously: adv. 慎重地
  e.g.: " Isn't that too dangerous?" she asked cautiously.
            “那不是太危险了吗？”她慎重地问。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-14 08:49

A big burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
   "Madam," he said in a broken voice," I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
   "How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"
   The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord." he sobbed.

参考翻译：
   一个高大魁梧的男人去拜访牧师的家，并要求拜会牧师的妻子，她是一个因慈悲心肠而闻名的女人。
   他用令人心碎的声音说道：“太太，这个街区有一家人生活特别穷困，我希望您能注意到他们。父亲死了，母亲也重病而无法工作，九个孩子都在挨饿。他们即将被赶到冰冷空荡的大街上，如果没有人为他们付400美元的房租的话。”
   “真可怕！”牧师的妻子惊呼道，“我能问问你是谁吗？”
   这个充满同情心的来访者用手绢拭着眼睛，啜泣着说：“我是他们的房东。”

注释：
1. burly: adj.   魁伟的, 结实的, 直率的
  e.g.: a burly-set young man  一个体格魁梧的青年
        a burly way of speaking   直截了当的讲话方式
2. charitable: adj.  心慈的；仁慈的；慈善的；大慈大悲的
  e.g.: a charitable club   一个慈善团体
3. impulse: n. 推动, 刺激, 冲动, 推动力
  e.g.: She bought the dress on impulse.  她一时冲动买了这件衣服。
        He is a man of impulse.  他是个易冲动的人。
4. plight: n.  情况, 状态, 困境, 盟誓(婚姻)
   e.g.: He is in a sad  plight.   他陷入了悲惨的境地。
5. sympathetic: adj.  同情的，有同情心的  衍生词：sympathy 同情，同情心
  e.g.: When I told her why I was worried, she was very sympathetic.
            当我告诉她我着急的原因时，她很同情。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-15 16:42

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
   The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
   "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
   The little boy nodded yes.
   "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"
   Again the little boy nodded.
   " Good," said the coach, "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

参考翻译：
   比赛中，教练对他的一个年轻球员说：“你明白什么是合作吗？什么是团队吗？”
   小男孩点点头，表示明白。
   “你明白重要的是我们一起取胜吗？”
   小男孩又点点头。
   “那么，”教练接着说，“当裁判叫了暂停，或者你先出线了，不要和裁判争论，也不要咒骂或者攻击裁判。你都能明白？”
   小男孩又点点头。
   “很好，”教练说，“现在你去那边给你妈妈解释一下。”

注释：
1. cooperation: n. 合作，协作
  e.g.: Thank you for your cooperation.  感谢你们的合作。
2. affirmative: adj. 肯定的，赞成的
  e.g.: He gave me an affirmative reply.  他给了我一个肯定的回答。
3. umpire: n. 仲裁人，裁判员；v. 仲裁，作裁判
  e.g.: His father is an international umpire.  他父亲是一名国际裁判。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-16 17:34

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gate waiting for them.
   "Come with me," said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
   The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
   "Wow, thank you," said the taxi driver.
   Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
   "Wait, I think you are a little mixed up," said the priest. "Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word."
   "Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed."

参考翻译：
   一个牧师和一个出租车司机同时去世了，进了天堂。圣彼得站在天堂之门等着他们。
   “跟我来，”圣彼得对出租车司机说。
   出租车司机照着做了，跟着圣彼得来到一座豪宅。那里从保龄球道到奥运会规格的游泳池，应有尽有。
   “哦，谢谢您。”出租车司机说。
   然后，圣彼得带牧师来到一个破败不堪的小木屋里，厘米那只有一张小破床和一台很小的旧电视。
   “等等，我想你是弄错了，”牧师说，“难道我不应该是住那栋豪宅的人吗？我毕竟是一个牧师，每天都去教堂，传播上帝的真言。”
   “对，你说得很对。但是在你传道的时候，人们都在睡觉。而出租车司机开车的时候，大家都在祈祷。”

注释：
1. mansion: n. 大厦，官邸
2. bowling alley 保龄球场
3. rugged: adj.  高低不平的, 崎岖的, 粗糙的, 有皱纹的
  a rugged face 一张粗犷的脸
4. shack: n. 简陋的房屋；小木屋
5. bunk bed (附有梯子的)双层床
作者: Suzy    时间: 2006-11-17 09:17

priest  牧师   Pearly gate  天堂之门              

Wait, I think you are a little mixed up
    
St. Peter  圣彼得   Olympic size pool

preached God's word  传播上帝的真言
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-17 14:37

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.
   He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the ketchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy imformed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.
   His mother smiled and said,"The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid." The little boy opened the back door a little and said,"Lord, if you are out there, hand me the broom."

参考翻译:
     一天下午,小男孩在外面玩。他把妈妈的扫把当马骑，玩得很开心，一直玩到天黑才回家。
　　他把扫把留在了后院。妈妈想打扫厨房，发现扫把不见了，于是问小孩扫把哪去了。他告诉妈妈扫把在后院里。于是妈妈叫他去把扫把拿回来。小男孩告诉妈妈他怕黑，所以不想出去找扫把。
　　妈妈笑着说：“上帝也在外面，不要害怕。”小男孩打开后院的门，说道：“上帝啊，如果你在外面的话，把扫把递给我吧。”

注释：
1. outdoors: n. 户外；adj.　在户外，在野外
　　e.g.: A farmer works outdoors.  农民在野外干活。
2. porch: n.  门廊, 走廊
3. inform: v. (～ of/about) 通知, 告诉, 获悉, 告知     
  衍生词：information
　　e.g.: The sales manager asked his men to inform him of everything concerning the sales in time.     销售部经理让他手下的人把关于销售量的情况及时报告他。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-20 13:53

A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."
   And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too:" Oh Lord," he prayed," I thank thee for the food which I am about to receive."

参考翻译：
   一个浸信会传教士走在非洲，突然他听见身后有狮子骇人的脚步声。“噢，上帝啊，”传教士祷告道，“请主保佑我在我身后这头狮子是一头好的基督教狮子。”
   这时，一段时间的沉寂后，传教士听见狮子也在祷告：“噢，上帝啊，我感谢你给我送来我正要收获的食物。”

注释：
1. encounter:vt. 遭遇；遇到
  e.g.: The more dangers we encounter, the harder should we push forward.
            越是艰险越向前。
2. Baptist: n.  浸信会教徒
3. missionary: adj.  传教的, 传教士的; n. 传教士
4. ominous:  adj. 不吉利的；不祥的
  an ominous warning  不祥的预兆
5. thy: (古英语) your;  thee: you(宾格)
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-21 16:25

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her licence. He says," Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
   The woman answered, "Well, I have contacts."
   The policeman replied, "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

参考翻译:
     一名警察拦下一位女士,问她要驾驶执照.他说：“小姐，这里说你必须戴眼睛。”
   女人回答说：“恩，我带了隐型眼镜（我有关系）。”
   警察回答说：“我不管你认识谁！你将得到一张罚单！”

注释：
   1. licence:n. 执照, 许可证, 特许;  vt.许可, 特许, 认可, 发给执照
      driving licence 驾驶执照
   2. contact:n. 接触, 联系;vt. 接触, 联系
      contact lenses 隐形眼镜 （有时候口语直接说 contacts）
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-22 14:35

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
   The cop approaches the car and says," It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
   The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says," My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

参考翻译：
   一名警官试图让一辆超速的汽车停下来。那个人不断地提速直到每小时100英里的最高速。他终于意识到他逃不掉了，于是停了下来。
   警察走过来，说：“这是很长的一天，我的工作也快结束了，如果你能对你的行为给我一个很好的理由的话，我就让你走。”
   男人想了一会儿，然后说：“我的妻子一星期之前和一个警察跑了。我还以为你就是那个警察，想把她送还给我呢！”

注释：
1. attempt: n. 努力, 尝试, 企图; vt.  尝试, 企图
  e.g.: The boys attempted to leave for camping but were stopped by their parents.
           男孩子们想去野营但被他们的父母们拦住了。
           She made an attempt to cook the dinner.   她试着做这顿饭。
2. gradually: adv. 渐渐地，逐渐地
  e.g.: The children grew up gradually. 孩子们渐渐长大成人。
3. escape: n. 逃, 逃亡; vi. 逃脱, 避开, 溜走; vt.逃避, 避免, 被忘掉
  e.g.: The prisoners planned to escape but failed.
           那些囚犯曾计划逃跑但没有成功。
4. cop: n. 警察; v. 抓，捉，捕
  a fair cop  依法逮捕
5. behavior: n. 举止, 行为  衍生词 behave： v. 行为；举止
  e.g.: Behave yourself, kids! 规矩点，孩子们！
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-23 17:49

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
   The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner people.” A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner…NOW!” Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”
   “Pretty good,” chuckled the vet, “Especially since this is a bus stop.”

参考翻译:
     一个新上任的警官和他经验丰富的搭档一起第一次出去巡逻。有命令来了,告诉他们去遣散正在闲逛的人。
   于是他们沿着街道向前开，发现有一小群人站在街角上。新人摇下车窗，说道: “大家都离开这个街角.” 有人瞥了他几眼，但是没有人行动,于是他有大喊道: “都离开这个街角，现在!” 人们害怕了，开始离开，但是却用困惑的目光盯着他这个方向。这位年轻的警官为他这第一份差使很是骄傲,扭过头去问他的同伴说：“恩，我做得怎么样？”
   “挺好的,”这位老警察咯咯笑着说，“特别是因为这是一个公共汽车站。”

注释：
1. rookie: n. 新手
2. cruiser: n. 巡逻车，巡洋舰
3. experienced: adj. 有经验的
e.g.: an experienced teacher  一个有经验的老师
4. disperse: v. 驱散，分散，消散
  e.g.: The police dispersed the crowd.  警察驱散群众。
5. loiter: v. 游荡，闲逛
e.g.: He loitered on his way.  他一路闲逛。
6. glance: v. 扫视，匆匆一看；n. 一瞥，匆匆一看
  e.g.: She glanced along the road to see if he was coming.
她沿路扫视着，看他是否要来了。
7. intimidate: v. 胁迫
  e.g.: He said he would never be intimidated by big names and authorities.
他说他决不会被名人、权威所吓倒。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-24 11:10

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
   The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plants and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
   The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
   The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

参考翻译:
     洛杉机警署、联邦调查局和中情局都想证明他们是捉拿罪犯的顶尖高手。总统决定给他们一个测试。他放了一只兔子到森林里，然后让这三个机构都去捉它。
   中情局进去了。他们在森林里四处布下了动物线人。他们盘问所有的植物和矿物目击者。三个月集中调查后，他们的结论是兔子不存在。
   联邦调查局的人进去了。两个星期后没有任何进展，于是他们放火烧了森林，杀死了里面所有的生灵，包括那只兔子，而且他们不做任何道歉。那只兔子活该。
   洛杉机警署进去了。他们两个小时之后就出来了，带回来一只遍体鳞伤的熊。熊还在咆哮着：“好啦！好啦！我是兔子！我是兔子！”

注释：
1. apprehend: vt.理解, 领会, 观察, 思考, 害怕, 忧虑, 逮捕, 捉拿; 抓住
  e.g.: apprehend danger in every sound  风声鹤唳, 草木皆兵
     At last I apprehended his meaning. 最后, 我理解了他的意思。
2. criminal: n. 罪犯, 犯罪者; adj. 犯罪的, 犯法的, 罪恶的
  e.g.: criminal cases 刑事案件     criminal attempt 犯罪未遂
     衍生词  crime 犯罪，犯罪行为
3. release: n. 释放, 让渡, 豁免; vt. 释放, 解放, 放弃, 让与, 免除, 发表
  e.g.: Four prisoners were released. 四名犯人被释放了。
4. informant: n. 通知的人, 密告者, 被调查的人
5. witness: n. [律]证人, 目击者, 证据, 证明, 证词
vt. 目击, 为...作证, 证明, 表明
vi.作证, 成为证据
  e.g.: He witnessed the accident. 他亲眼看见那个意外事故。
6. investigation: n. 调查；研究    衍生词 v. investigate
   e.g.: The investigation will take weeks.  调查将进行几个星期。
7. apology: n. 道歉  衍生词 v. apologize 道歉
  e.g.: I owe him an apology. 我应向他道歉。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-29 09:06

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: Take only ONE…God is watching.
     At the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: Take all you want…God is watching the apples.

参考翻译：
   孩子们在天主教会小学的餐厅里排好队，准备吃午饭。在桌子的最前端放的是一大堆苹果。一个修女在果盘里贴了一张便条：只拿一个…上帝在看着。
   在桌子的另一端，放的是一大堆巧克力脆饼。一个孩子写了一张便条贴在那里：想拿多少拿多少…上帝在看着苹果。

注释：
1. cafeteria: n.自助餐厅   school cafeteria 学校食堂
2. elementary: adj.初步的, 基本的,
elementary school 小学  secondary school 中学
3. tray: n. 盘, 碟, 盘子
作者: rock    时间: 2006-11-30 11:44

Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.
   He said, “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.”
   “Donations!” I asked, “How much you got so far?”
  He said, “about ten gallons.”

参考翻译：
   警察封锁了交通，汽车的长龙排了好几英里了。警察一辆车挨一辆车地走着。当他们走到我的车跟前时，我问警官发生了什么事。
   他说：“都是阿尔.高尔。他在那边威胁说他要自焚！我们在这里挨车募捐。”
   “募捐！”我说，“你们已经募到多少了？”
   他说：“大约十加仑。”

注释：
1. threaten: v.  恫吓；威胁
  e.g.: His father threatened to beat the boy if he stole again.
   男孩的父亲威胁说如果他再偷东西的话，就要揍他。
   The owner threatened to chuck us out of the pub if we got drunk.
    酒店老板威胁说,如果我们喝醉了就把我们赶出酒店去。
2. donation: n. 捐赠品, 捐款, 贡献
   a blood donation 献血
作者: Gracehong    时间: 2006-11-30 17:26

it is a good idea for learning english!
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-1 14:11

引用第35楼Gracehong于2006-11-30 17:26发表的“”:
it is a good idea for learning english!
I Think so. [s:21]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-1 14:25

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say—”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

参考翻译：
   一个警官拦下一部车，因为他在主干道上超速了。
   “但是，长官，”男人说，“我可以解释。”
   “别说话就行了，”警官打断他说，“警长回来之前我会让你在监狱里好好凉快你的脚后跟的。”
   “但是，长官，我只是想说—”
   “我说了不要说话！你就要进大狱！”
   几个小时以后，警官进去看了看他的犯人，说：“你很幸运，警长正在参加他女儿的婚礼。他回来的时候心情一定不错。”
   “别指望了，”狱房里的人回答说，“我是那个新郎。”

注释：
1. snap: (snapped; snapping)  v. 猛咬[扑]，突然折断，厉声说, 急促地说
  e.g.: The dog snapped at me. 那只狗咬了我。
       He snapped down the lid of the box. 他啪哒一声关上箱盖。
2. heel: n. 脚后跟，踵
3. jail: n. 监狱;  vt. 监禁
4. count on: v. 依靠, 指望
5. groom: n.新郎（亦作bridegroom） 新娘 bride
    相关词汇：伴郎groomsman；伴娘 bridesmaid / a matron of honor

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:54 编辑 ]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-5 10:24     标题: Request before death (临终请求)

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
“Have you any last requests?” asked the chaplain.
“Yes,” replied the murderer, “Will you hold my hand?”

参考翻译：
一个杀人犯坐在电椅上，将要被处死。
监狱牧师问他：“你有什么临终请求吗？”
杀人犯回答说：“有啊，你可以拉着我的手吗？”

注释：
1. murderer: n. 杀人犯，凶手
　衍生词：murder: n.& vt. 谋杀, 凶杀
2. execute: vt. 执行, 实行, 完成, 处死, 使（遗嘱）生效
   e.g.: He asked his nephew to execute his will. 他叫自己的侄子执行遣嘱。
3. request: vt.& n.请求, 要求
   e.g.: She made a request for some water. 她请求给点水。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2006-12-5 10:25 编辑 ]
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-6 13:41     标题: Lawyers get robbed (律师被抢)

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two’s hand.
Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, “What is this?” To which lawyer number one replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”

参考翻译：
两个律师在银行里，突然持枪抢劫犯闯了进来。
他们几个人让银行职员给他们拿钱，另几个让顾客们对着墙排成行，开始搜他们的钱包、手表等物品，两个律师也在其列。正在这个时候，律师一向律师二手里塞了些东西。
没有向下看，律师二低声问道：“这是什么？”律师一回答说：“是我欠你的５０美元。”

注释：
1. rob: v. 抢夺, 抢掠, 剥夺
  e.g.: I was robbed of my watch. 我的手表被抢走了。
  衍生词：robber n.强盗, 盗贼;  robbery n. 抢掠, 抢夺
2. teller: n. 讲话的人, 告诉的人, (银行)出纳员, (投票的)检票员
3. jam: n. 果酱, 拥挤, 堵塞, 困境; v. 挤进, 使塞满, 混杂, 压碎, 使堵塞
  e.g.: The bus was jammed full. 公共汽车挤得满满的。
      Traffic jam  n. 塞车, 交通拥塞
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-8 15:53     标题: Black and white (黑与白)

There is a little white boy playing outside in the mud. He rolled around and realized he was covered in mud. He went inside and told his mom, “Look mom, I’m black.” His mom said, “Come here.” He went and she whooped him. Then she said, “Go tell your dad what you did.”
He went to his dad and said, “Look dad, I’m black.” His dad said “come here” and started to whoop him. Then he said, “Go to your grandma and tell her what you did.” The grandma did the same thing. The boy went back to his mom and she asked, “ What have you learned today?” The boy said, “I’ve been black for five minutes and I already hate you white bastards!!!”

参考翻译:
一个白人男孩在户外玩泥浆。他在地上打滚儿，意识到自己已经浑身是泥了。他走进屋里，对妈妈说：“妈妈，你看，我是黑人了。”他妈妈让他过去，然后对他一番训斥。然后她说：“去告诉你爸爸你都做了什么。”
于是男孩走到爸爸跟前，说：“爸爸，你看，我是黑人了。”爸爸也让他过去，然后开始训斥他。后来爸爸说：“去你奶奶那里，告诉她你做了什么。”奶奶也同样对待小男孩。最后，男孩回到妈妈身边，妈妈问道：“今天你吸取了什么教训？”男孩说：“我只做了五分钟的黑人，我就已经恨你们这些白人杂种了！！！”

注释：
1. mud: n. 泥, 泥浆   衍生词muddy adj. 多泥的, 泥泞的
2. whoop: n. 大叫, 呐喊, 喘息声,  vi.呼喊，高呼 喘息
    e.g.: The captive was whooped and jeered. 俘虏被叱责讥笑。
3. bastard: n. 私生子, 讨厌鬼, 家伙, 劣等货, 假冒品
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-11 14:33     标题: Debate the stop sign (对红灯的争论)

A cop stopped a man for running a stop sign and the subject gave the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.
After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn’t stop, he just slowed down a little.
The gentle said, “Stop or slow down, what’s the difference?”
The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, “Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?”

参考翻译:
一个警察把一个男人拦下来,因为他闯红灯。肇事者非常恳切地对警察说他肯定停过车的。
几分钟之后，警察对这位先生说他并没有停车，只是减了一点速。
这位先生说：“停车和减速有什么区别呢？”
于是警察把这个人拽出车去，用警棍打了他一分钟，然后说：“你是想让我停止还是只是减速呢？”

注释：
1. cop: n.警官, 巡警   易混词 cap: n.帽子, 军帽
2. grief t: n. 悲痛, 伤心事, 不幸, 忧伤
    e.g.: She did not show her grief when her son died.
            她儿子去世时她没有显露出悲伤。
3. nightstick: n. <美>看更人或警察的木棒
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-12 10:48     标题: Watching for suicide (监视自杀)

Why do they put a suicide watch on death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you’re planning to kill anyway, kills himself? Does it spoil the fun?
  I also think about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day before his execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed him.
  Apparently, just to anger him.

参考翻译:
      人们为什么要监视死刑犯防止他们自杀呢?为什么要无在乎一个你打算杀掉的人杀死自己呢?这很好玩吗?
      我还想起了那个德克萨斯的死刑犯,在行刑的前一天,他过量服药自杀。人们赶紧把他送到医院，救了他的命，把他送回了监狱，然后杀了他。
      很显然，只是为了激怒他。

注释：
1. suicide: n. 自杀, 自毁, 给自己带来伤害或损失的行为
    常用短语commit suicide 自杀[尽]
2. spoil: vt. 损坏, 搞糟, 宠坏, 溺爱
    e.g.: spoil the pleasure [fun] 扫兴
            They spoil their children. 他们宠坏了他们的孩子们。
3. execution: n.执行；实行；执行遗嘱；处决；处死
    e.g.: Executions used to be held in public. 死刑过去常常当众执行。
4. overdose: n. 过量用药
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-13 14:34     标题: Criminal steals lumber (犯人偷木材)

A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.
“What did you take?” his priest asked.
“Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake.”
“This is very serious,” the priest said, “I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?”
“No, Father, I haven’t,” the man replied, “But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber.”

参考翻译:
一个男人一直被一个秘密困扰着，终于有一天他受不了了。在忏悔室里，他承认多年来他一直从工作的木材场偷建筑用材。
他的牧师问：“你都拿了些什么？”
“足够给我自己建一座房子，给我儿子建一座，给我两个女儿各建一座，还有我们在河边的一间小屋。”
“这很严重，”牧师说：“让我想一个长期的悔过方法吧。你静修过吗？（你建过修养院吗？）”
“没有，神父，我还没有，”男人回答说，“但是如果你有这个计划，我就可以弄来木材。”

注释：
1. nagging: adj. 唠叨的, 挑剔; n. 唠叨, 挑剔
    nag: v. 抱怨；唠叨；批评，指责
    e.g.: She nagged at him all day along. 她整天向他唠叨不休。
2. confessional: adj.自白的, 忏悔的 ;n. (教堂中神甫听取忏悔的)忏悔室
    衍生词：confession: n. 供认, 承认, 招供
3. lumberyard: n. 木材堆置场, 木场
    lumber: n. <美>木材, 无用的杂物; v伐木
    lumberjack: n.(美) 伐木工人
4. penance: n. 忏悔; 悔过; (赎罪的)惩罚
5. retreat: n. 收容所; 休养所;  vi. 撤退, 退却
    e.g.: a quiet county retreat 乡间宁静处
           The soldiers had to retreat when they were beaten in battle.  士兵们在战斗中受挫时不得不撤退。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-14 11:45     标题: I have lost my father (我丢了我父亲)

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said," I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said,"What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied,"Beer and women!"

参考翻译：
五岁的小约翰尼迷路了，于是他走到一位警察跟前，说：“我丢了我的父亲！”
警察说：“他长得什么样？”（小约翰尼理解为：What does he like? 他喜欢什么？）
小约翰尼回答说：“啤酒和女人！”

注释：
1. lose: vt. 遗失, 浪费, 错过, 输去, 使失去, 使迷路, 使沉溺于
    e.g.: I cannot find my watch；I must have lost it. 我找不到手表，我一定把它给丢了。
           Our team lost the football match. 我们队足球比赛输了。
           She lost herself in the book. 她专心在书上。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-15 15:27     标题: A talking pig! (一只说话的猪)

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, “…And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’”
The teacher paused and then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?”
One little boy raised his hand and said, “I know. Holy Shit! A talking pig!”

参考翻译：
一天，教一年级的老师给她的学生读《三只小猪》的故事。她读到了第一只小猪为维修房子聚集材料，她说：“…于是小猪走到推着一车稻草的人面前说：‘对不起，先生，我能要点你的稻草造我的房子吗？’”
老师停了一会儿，问同学们说：“你们觉得那个人会说什么？”
一个小男孩举起手来，说：“我知道，该死的！一只说话的猪！”

参考翻译：
1. accumulate: v. 积聚, 堆积
    e.g.: He accumulated a good library. 积累了丰富的藏书。
2. wheelbarrow: n. 独轮手推车, 手推车; vt. 用于推车运送
3. straw: n. 稻草, 麦杆
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-18 17:40     标题: You're back again? (你又回来了？)

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

参考翻译：
法官问被告说：“我想我告诉过你，我再也不想在这儿看见你。”
“我尊敬的阁下，”犯人说，“那也是我想跟警察说的话，但是他们不听。”

注释：
1. defendant: n. 被告; adj.辩护的, 为自己辩护的
2. criminal: n. 罪犯, 犯罪者; adj. 犯罪的, 犯法的, 罪恶的
    衍生词 crime:  n.犯罪, 罪行, 罪恶
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-19 11:09     标题: Over your heart (放在心上)

The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, “I pledge allegiance to the flag…” When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
“Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart.”
Little Johnny replied, “It is over my heart.”
After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, “Why do you think that is your heart?”
“Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, ‘Bless your little heart,’ and my Grandma wouldn’t lie.”
参考翻译：
老师建议全班在开始一天之前先做好效忠宣誓，于是他叫学生们把右手放在心上，然后跟着他念。他看了看教室四处，开始宣誓：“我对国旗宣誓…”这时，他的眼光落在了小约翰尼身上，他发现他把右手放在了右边的屁股上。
“小约翰尼，把你的手放到心口上，我才会继续。”
小约翰尼回答说：“它是在我心口上啊。”
老师又努力了几次让小约翰尼把手放在心口上，后来他问道：“为什么你觉得那是你的心？”
“因为每次我奶奶来接我的时候，她总是把我抱起来，拍拍我这儿，然后说：‘保佑你，我的心肝。’我奶奶是不会说谎的。”

注释：
1. pledge of Allegiance [美]对美国的效忠宣誓
  pledge: n. 誓言,公约 保证, 信物, 抵押(品), 保人, 祝酒,
  e.g.: pledge the health [success] of sb. 为某人的健康[成功]而干杯
2. allegiance: n.忠贞, 效忠
  e.g.: allegiance to one's native land 忠于自己的祖国
3. instruct: vt. 教, 教导, 命令, 指示, 通知
  e.g.: I've been instructed to wait here until the lecturer arrives.
我得到指示在这儿等到讲课老师到来。
4. recitation: n. 朗诵, 背诵, 叙述, 背诵的东西
  衍生词 recite: v. 背诵, 朗读, 叙述,
  e.g.: He can recite that poem from memory. 他能凭记忆背诵那首诗。
5. buttocks: n.臀部
6. pat: n.& v. 轻拍
  e.g.: She patted the baby's cheek. 她轻轻地拍了拍婴儿的脸蛋儿。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-20 16:39     标题: I'm going to a lecture (我去上课)

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 a.m.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife."said the man.

参考翻译：
男人已经没法开车了，于是他明智地把车停下，走回家去。当他正步履蹒跚地在路上的时候，被一个警察叫住了。
“凌晨两点你还在外面做什么？”警察问道。
“我去上课。”男人说。
“那么谁会在这个时候给人上课呢？”警察又问。
“我太太。”男人说。

注释：
1. lecture: n.&vt.演讲, 谴责, 教训
   衍生词 lecturer: n. 演讲者, 讲师
   e.g.: Students have lectures everyday. 学生们每天都要上课。
2. wisely: adv. 聪明地, 精明地
    衍生词: wise: adj. 英明的, 明智的
3. unsteadily: adv. 不稳定地, 摇摆地
    词根: steady: adj. 稳固的, 稳定的; v. (使)稳定, (使)稳固
    e.g.: They are going steady.  他们正在恋爱。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-22 16:14     标题: An opening (一个出口)

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said:" We have an opening for people like you." "
Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door."

参考翻译：
某人申请一份工作。填完了所有申请材料之后，他焦急地等待结果。
雇主看完他的申请材料后说：“我们有一个出口很适合你这样的人。”
他说：“太棒了，是什么？”
“就是这扇门。”

注释：
1. apply: v. 申请, 应用
    e.g.: I want to apply for the job.  我想申请这项工作。
    衍生词 application: n. 请求, 申请, 申请表, 应用
    an application for a job 求职书
2. outcome: n. 结果, 成果
    e.g.: The outcome was not what he fondly expected. 结果并不象他天真地希望的那样。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-28 11:25     标题: I want to see something really cheap (我想要真正的便宜货)

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.
"That's a bit much."said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit."Tom groused.
Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
Tom grew agitated:"What I mean, is I'd like to see something really cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.

参考翻译：
圣诞前夕，出差一周的汤姆认为应该给自己的妻子带一件小礼物。
“香水怎么样？”他问化妆品的店员。店员给他看一瓶价值50美元的香水。
“这有点贵。”汤姆说，于是店员换了一瓶价值30美元的小瓶香水。
“这还是有点贵。”汤姆埋怨道。
店员越来越厌烦，拿出一瓶迷你装的15美元的香水。
汤姆生气地说：“我的意思是，我想要真正的便宜货。”
于是，店员递给他一面镜子。

注释：
1. perfume: n. 香味, 芳香, 香水
   e.g.: She was wearing a strong perfume. 她身上有浓烈的香水味。
2. cosmetic: n. 化妆品; adj. 化妆用的
3. grouse: n. 松鸡, 牢骚; vi. 埋怨
4. agitate: v. 搅动, 摇动, 煽动, 激动
    agitated: adj. 激动的,表现不安的
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-29 15:36     标题: What is a stable? (什么是马厩？)

Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family bible.
When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.
I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him:" It's something like your sister's room, but without a stereo."

参考翻译：
我孩子还小的时候，每到圣诞节的早上，我都会给他们讲那本家族大《圣经》上的基督诞生的故事。
当我的儿子长大，会说话的时候，他问我什么是马厩。
我想了一会儿怎么用他可以听懂的语言向他解释，然后说：“这是一个类似于姐姐的房间的东西，不过没有立体声设备。”

注释：
1. nativity: n. 出生，诞生
　e.g.: I have just visited the place of my nativity.  我刚去过我出生的地方。
2. stable: n. 马厩，畜栏；adj. 固定的，稳定的
　e.g.: Is that lader stable? 那架梯子平稳吗？
3. stereo: n. 立体声系统，立体声；adj. 立体的，立体感觉的
　e.g.: Stereo sound sets are now in grat demand. 立体声音响设备现在的需求量很大。
作者: rock    时间: 2006-12-30 11:40     标题: What day is today? (今天是什么是日子？)

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband:" I'll bet you don't know what day this is."
" Of course I do." he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.
At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delieved. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
" First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "I have never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

参考翻译：
早餐时，妻子对丈夫说：“我打赌你不知道今天是什么日子。”
“我当然知道。”他好象受到了冒犯，说完就上班去了。
早上１０点种，有人按响了门铃。她打开门，有人给她送来了一盒里面装着１２枝红玫瑰。下午１点种，她又收到一个箔金盒子，足足有两磅重。里面装着她最喜欢的巧克力。稍后，服装店又送来了一款衣服。
妻子迫不及待地等着丈夫回家。
“先是鲜花，然后是巧克力，接着又是衣服！”她兴奋地大声说，“这是我一生中最精彩的土拨鼠节！”

注释：
1. offend: v. 冒犯，违反
　e.g.: Her words offended me. 她的话伤了我的感情。
2. stem: n. 茎，干；v. 滋生
3. foil: n. 箔，金属薄片
4. wrapped: adj. 有包装的，预先包装的
　e.g.: The wrapped box belongs to Mary. 那个包好的盒子是玛丽的。
5. boutique: n. 专卖流行衣服的小商店
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-5 14:45     标题: Eating alone (独自进餐)

The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students:" Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..." A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered:" I guess you'd be eating alone, sir."

参考翻译：
地球科学课的老师教学生如何读地图.他花了整整一节课的时间解释经度、纬度、度和分。就要下课时，老师问学生：“假如我要你到北纬23度4分，东经45度15分去与我共进午餐。。。”一个学生打破了沉默，自告奋勇道：“我想您只能一个人进餐了，先生！”

注释：
1. latitude: n. 纬度,纬线
2. longitude: n. 经度, 经线
3. confused: adj. 困惑的, 烦恼的
   衍生词：confuse: vt. 搞乱, 使糊涂
   e.g.: His words confused me. 他的话把我搞糊涂了。
4. volunteer: n. 志愿者, 志愿兵；adj. 志愿的, 义务的, 无偿的；v. 自愿
   e.g.: Any volunteer? 有没有志愿的？

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-9 08:58 编辑 ]
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-5 14:48     标题: I'm not allowed up on the furniture (我不能爬到家具上)

A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Von Bernuth, and sat down to explain his problem. "Doctor, doctor!"he started. "No need to repeat yourself, my good man," replied the doctor, " One 'doctor' is enough." "Yes, well, you see, I've got this problem," the man continued. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. A large, white, hairy Pyrenees mountain dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly. "Come over here and lie down on the couch."
"Oh, no, Doctor. I'm not allowed up on the furniture."

参考翻译:
一个男人走进著名精神病学家万.伯钠滋医生的办公室坐下,对他讲述自己的问题。“医生，医生！”他开始说。“不用重复，我的先生，”医生说，“一个‘医生’已经足够了。”“是的，好吧，你看，我的问题就在这，”男人继续说，“我幻想自己是一只狗。一只有大又白的长毛比利牛斯山犬。这太疯狂了。我不知道该怎么办！”
“这是一种常见的犬科综合症，”医生平静地说，“到这来，躺在睡椅上。”
“哦，不，医生，我不能爬到家具上。”

注释：
1. eminent: adj. 显赫的, 杰出的, 有名的, 优良的
2. psychiatrist: n. 精神病医师, 精神病学家
   衍生词 psychic(al): adj. 精神的, 灵魂的, 心理的   
3. hallucinate: vt. 使产生幻觉
4. canine: n. [解剖]犬齿; adj. 犬的, 似犬的, 犬科的, 犬齿的
5. complex: adj. 复杂的, 合成的, 综合的; n. 【精神病学】 情结, 【医学】 综合症状
6. soothingly: adv. 抚慰地, 安慰地
   衍生词  soothing: adj. 抚慰的, 使人宽心的
              soothe: vt.  使(某人,其神经,其情绪)平静, 安慰, 使(痛苦,疼痛)缓和或减轻
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-12 08:38     标题: A service to God (给上帝的服务)

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C.. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said:" No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank-you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said:" No charge. I consider it a service to the community." The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank-you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said:" harge. I condsider it a service to the country." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.

参考翻译：
一个牧师走入华盛顿的一家理发店。他理完发后问要付多少钱。理发师说：“免费。我将这视为给上帝的服务。” 第二天早上，理发师去上班，看到牧师送来的12本祈祷书和一张感谢卡在门口。
这天晚些时候，一个警察进来理发。他也问要多少钱。理发师说：“免费。我将其视为给社会的服务。” 第二天早上，他去工作是看到警察送来的一打油炸圈饼和一张感谢卡。
后来，一个议员来理发，也问要多少钱。理发师说：“ 免费。我将其视为对国家的服务。” 第二天早上，理发师去上班时看到12个议员等在门口。

注释：
1. no charge 免收费用   free of charge 免费
    charge: n. 费用, 价钱, 控告, 指责；v. 控告, 指责,,要(价), 收(费); 记帐
    e.g.: Do they charge for the use of the telephone? 打电话收不收费?
2. community: n. 公社, 团体, 社会, (政治)共同体, 共有, 一致, 共同体, (生物)群落
3. donut: n. 油炸圈饼
4. Senator: n. 参议员
    相关词汇 Representative 众议院议员
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-15 17:26     标题: I just had a dream about it (我刚刚梦到它)

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband," I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled The Meaning of Dreams.

参考翻译：
一个年轻女人在睡午觉。她醒来之后告诉丈夫：“我梦见你送给我一条珍珠项链作情人节礼物。你说这是什么意思？”
“你今晚就会知道。”他说。
到了晚上，男人带着一个小口袋回家，把它给了妻子。妻子高兴地打开它，却只找到一本书—《梦的解析》。

注释：
1. nap: n. (白天)小睡, 打盹; vi.小睡, 疏忽
    e.g.: I usually get a nap after lunch. 午饭后我通常都有小睡一会。
2. pearl: n. 珍珠;【医】白内障
    e.g.: She is a pearl among women. 她是女中的英杰。
3. Valentine's Day: n. 情人节(二月十四日)
4. delighted: adj. 欣喜的, 快乐的
    e.g.: I was delighted to hear the news of your success.  听到你成功了的消息时我非常高兴。
5. entitled: adj. 题名为, 书名叫做...,有资格的
    entitle: v. 授权,给...权利(或资格), 给...题名, 给...称号
    e.g.: Every citizen is entitled to equal protection under the law. 每个公民都有权依法受同等保护。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-16 17:06     标题: Some very bad news (一个非常不幸的消息)

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten." the doctor says sadly. " Ten?" the man asks, "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" The doctor interrupts, " Nine..."

参考翻译:
1. check-up: n. 检查, 体格检查
    check up  v.核对, 检验
2. dying: adj. 垂死的
    dying words 临终遗言
3. interrupt: vt. 打断(正在说话或动作的人), 中断, 妨碍, 插嘴
    e.g.: Rain interrupted our baseball game. 下雨中断了我们的捧球比赛
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-17 11:09     标题: Need some help? (需要帮忙吗?)

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. " Need some help?" a secretary, walking by, asked.  "Yes," he replied, " how does this thing work?" " Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the  shredder. " Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

参考翻译：
一个新雇员站在碎纸机前不知所措。一个秘书走过，问他：“ 需要帮忙吗？” 他回答：“ 是的，这个东西怎么操作？” 她说：“ 非常简单。” 说完把他手上的一大叠文件扔进了碎纸机。“谢谢，但是复印件从哪儿出来呢？”

注释：
1. shredder: n. 切菜器，撕碎机
    shred: n. 碎片, 破布, 少量剩余, 最少量;  v. 撕碎, 切碎
2. secretary: n. 秘书, 书记, 部长, 大臣
    a general secretary 秘书长; 总书记
    the Secretary of State  [美]国务卿; [英]国务大臣
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-18 08:40     标题: A high school student (一个高中生)

Bubba wanted to get married to his sweetheart. So, enjoying some grits and gravy for dinner one evening, Bubba brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa. "Bubba, you can't get married yet," insisted Ma. "You're the baby of the family." "But Ma," Bubba protested, "I just had my 38th birthday last week." "We know that, Bubba," Pa chimed, "but your Ma and me think you should put off getting married until you graduate from high school."

参考翻译：
布巴想和心爱的人结婚。于是，晚上吃完粗面和肉汤之后，他向父母提起这件事。“布巴，你还不能结婚。”妈妈说，“你还是个孩子。”“但是妈妈，”布巴辩驳说，“我上周刚过完38岁生日。”“我们知道，布巴，”爸爸说，“但是我和你妈妈认为你在读完高中之前还不能结婚。”

注释：
1. grit: n. 粗砂; v. 研磨, 在...上铺砂砾
    corn grit 玉米渣; 粗玉米粉
2. gravy: n. 肉汁, 不法利润, 肉汤
3. protest: n.& v. 主张, 断言, 抗议
    protest one's innocence 申明自己无罪
    protest a decision 反对一项决议
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-19 13:35     标题: To tell the truth (说实话)

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered, " To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

参考翻译：
1. precede: v. 领先(于), 在...之前, 先于, 给…作序
    e.g.: He preceded his lecture with a humorous anecdote.　他以一个幽默的轶事开始他的演说。
2. endearing: adj. 引起爱情的, 可爱的, 令人钟爱的
    e.g.: the endearing charm of a little child  小孩子惹人爱怜的特性
3. remark: n.&v.评论, 注意, 注释
    e.g.: He remarked that it was getting late. 他说天色渐晚了。
4. whisper: n.&v. 耳语, 私语
    e.g.: She whispered the news in my ear. 她对我悄悄说了这个消息。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-22 11:45     标题: A good excuse (一个好借口)

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. " Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. My wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river--- look, my suit's still damp--- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

参考翻译：
琼斯这周第三次上班又迟到一小时，且老板正等着他。“这次又是什么故事，琼斯？”　他讽刺地问，“我们来听一个好借口换换口味吧。”
琼斯叹道：“今天每件事都不对了，老板。我妻子决定载我去车站。她１０分钟就做好了准备，但是吊桥卡住了。为了不让您失望，我游过了河——看，我的衬衫还是湿的——跑到机场，乘上汤姆森先生的直升机，在剧院广场广播大厦的楼顶上降落，然后骑在火箭上飞来这儿。”
“你本该做得更好，琼斯，”老板说，明显地很失望，“没有女人可以在１０分钟内准备好。”

注释：
1.sarcastically: adv. 讽刺地, 辛辣地  
  衍生词: sarcastic: adj. 讽刺的
  e.g.: "You are really a greeat actor!"his friend said in a sarcastic tone.
         “你真是一个伟大的演员！”他朋友用一副挖苦的口吻说。
2. sigh: n.& vi.叹息, 叹气
  　易混词　sign: n. 标记, 符号, 记号, 征兆, 迹象, 征候; v. 签名(于), 署名(于)～, 签署
3. drawbridge: n. 可开闭的吊桥
4. damp: n. 湿气; adj. 潮湿的 vt. 使潮湿, 阻尼, 使衰减, 使沮丧, 控制, 抑止
    e.g.: I don't like damp weather. 我不喜欢潮湿的天气。
5. piggyback: adj. 骑在背肩上的; adv. 在背上, 在肩上
6. disappointed: adj. 失望的
    衍生词：disappoint: vt. 使失望
    e.g.: I'm sorry to disappoint your hope. 对不起, 我使你失望了。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-22 11:47 编辑 ]
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-24 17:29     标题: It's two o'clock in the morning! (现在是凌晨两点钟)

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock." the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch."the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammar. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall:"Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

参考翻译：
一个大学生正在向他的朋友展示自己的新公寓，他把朋友们带进自己的卧室。一个朋友问：“这个大铜锣和锤子是干嘛用的？”他回答：“那是会说话的钟。”“他怎么工作的？”
“看着。”说完，他走过去用锤子重重地敲了那个铜锣一下。突然隔壁有人尖叫：“别敲了，你这个蠢货！现在是凌晨两点种！”

注释：
1. apartment: n. <美>公寓住宅, 单元住宅, 房间
2. den: n. 兽穴, 洞穴, (舒适的)私室(作学习或办公用)
3. brass: n. 黄铜, 黄铜制品, 厚脸皮
4. gong: n. 铜锣, 盘形钟; vt. 打锣作为停车信号
5. shatter: n. 粉碎, 碎片, 落花(叶,粒等) ;vt. 打碎, 使散开, 粉碎, 破坏; vi. 粉碎, 损坏, 落叶
   e.g.:His health was shattered by the disease. 他的健康因疾病而恶化
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-25 13:04     标题: It's started...(开始了...)

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him:" Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in fornt of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthemore.." The man sighs and says," It's started..."

参考翻译：
1. exhausting: adj. 使用尽的, 令人疲乏不堪的
2. plop: n.扑通声, 坠落; vt.使掉下; vi.扑通落下
    e.g.: Exhausted, I plopped into the armchair. 我虚脱地倒在扶手椅上。
3. slam down (使劲地)往下放[扔]
4. furious: adj. 狂怒的, 狂暴的, 激烈的, 热烈兴奋的, 极为激烈
    e.g.: I was furious when he crashed my car. 当他撞了我的车时，我很生气。
5. slob: n. <口>懒汉, 粗俗汉, 笨蛋
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-26 17:32     标题: Good news and bad news (好消息和坏消息)

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I have got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?" With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."

参考翻译:
一个艺术家问画廊的主人是否有人对他最近展出的作品感兴趣。“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”主人答道，“好消息是有位绅士看重了你的作品，并且想知道在你死后它们是否能升值。我告诉他可以，于是他买走了你的15幅画。”
“这太好了！”艺术家喊道，“ 坏消息是什么？” 画廊主人关切地说：“那人是你的医生。”

注释：
1. gallery: n.走廊、戏院、教堂等中最高的楼座, 美术陈列室, 画廊, 图库
2. currently: adv. 普遍地, 通常地, 现在, 当前
3. appreciate: vt. 赏识, 鉴赏, 感激
    e.g.: I really appreciate your help. 我真的很感激你的帮助。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-29 16:44     标题: The best way to protect a wedding ring (保存结婚戒指的最好方法)

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, " is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said:" One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater."

参考翻译:
一对年轻的未婚夫妇刚刚挑选好了结婚戒指。由于新娘很喜欢她挑选的白金和钻石环的戒指，她对戒指非常在意。“告诉我，” 她问年长的售货员，“这枚戒指是否需要特殊的护理？” 售货员带着慈祥的微笑说：“保护结婚戒指的最好方法就是将它浸泡在洗碗水里。”

注释：
1. bride: n.新娘
   groom: n. 马夫, 新郎, 男仆 groom-to-be 准新郎
2. select： vt. 选择, 挑选
   e.g.: She lets her son select his own Christmas present. 她让儿子自己选择圣诞礼物。
3. platinum: n. 白金, 铂
4. fatherly: adj. 父亲的, 如父亲的, 慈爱的, 爱护的
5. soak: v. 浸, 泡, 浸透
   e.g.:The rain has soaked into the ground. 雨水已渗到土里去了。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-30 11:18     标题: Thank heavens (谢天谢地)

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said," I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
" Thank heavens," his date replied. " If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

参考翻译：
一个男人同相亲的女士呆了一个晚上之后，觉得一分钟也待不下去了。之前，他让秘书安排了一个朋友给他打电话，这样他就可以在需要的时候有借口离开。
回到桌子的时候，他低下眼睛，摆出一副痛苦的表情说：“我有个坏消息。我爷爷刚去世。”
“谢天谢地，” 他的约会对象说，“你爷爷要是没死，我爷爷就不得不死了。”

注释：
1.blind date: n.从未晤面的男女经第三者安排所作的约会(也就是相亲）
2. grim: adj. 严酷的；可怕的；阴沉的
3. expression: n. 表达, 表情, 脸色, 声调, 腔调, 榨出, 语法, 措辞
   e.g.: Your expression has told everything. 你的表情已经说明了一切。
作者: 日落西雅图    时间: 2007-1-30 13:43


First time to take a view in this module. This is a great place to take a rest while you are learning english also~~
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-31 14:33

原帖由 日落西雅图 于 2007-1-30 13:43 发表

First time to take a view in this module. This is a great place to take a rest while you are learning english also~~
Thanks, you guy. Share us your stories if possible.
作者: rock    时间: 2007-1-31 14:49     标题: At a jewelry store (在珠宝店)

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied:" No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."

参考翻译：
一个年轻人在珠宝店买了一件昂贵的纪念品准备送给女友。“您不想在上面刻上她的名字吗？” 珠宝商问。年轻人想了一会儿，然后肯定地说：“不，在上面刻上：献给我唯一的最爱。这样的话，到时候我们分手了，她如果一气之下把它还给我，我还可以接着给下一个女朋友。”

注释：
1. jewelry: n. 珠宝, 珠宝类 (such as bracelets, necklaces, or rings)
2. locket: n. 小盒, 纪念品盒
    e.g.: She put valuable jewelry into a locket. 她把珍贵的珠宝放到一个小盒子里。
3. engrave: v. 雕刻, (线条, 文字, 图案)于一硬面上, 深印于(心上), 使铭记, 铭刻
    e.g.:The experience was engraved into his memory. 这段经历铭刻在他记忆里。
4. pragmatic; adj. 国事的, 团体事务的, 实际的, 注重实效的
    e.g.: His management style is quite pragmatic. 他的管理风格相当实用。
5. steadfastly: adv. 踏实地, 不变地
    衍生词  steadfast: adj. 坚定的; 固定的; 不变的; 不移的
    be steadfast to 对...坚定不移
    e.g.: To make any achievement, we need to work steadfastly.
            要想取得任何成就，我们必须脚踏实地地工作。
作者: 日落西雅图    时间: 2007-1-31 22:14

Well ... here is my sharing! Have fun

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and
jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Persona Attention 6.5, but installed
undesirable
programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

================================
Reply:

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C: I
THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If

all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy
Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night
6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider additional software to improve memory and
performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck,
IT Support

作者: rock    时间: 2007-2-1 09:30

Quite funny, Seattle, carry on~~ And for the others, if you have something interesting, please share yours here with us. Thank you!
作者: Stephen    时间: 2007-2-1 17:23     标题: 回复 #71 日落西雅图 的帖子

he he,so funny
thank u for yr sharing
we men should upgrade hardware to 2007 window XP
more CPU,higher effective
more EMS memory ,much bigger or more generous
作者: rock    时间: 2007-2-2 09:54     标题: The first day as a cab driver (第一天开出租)

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said,"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said," I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied," Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

参考翻译：
一个出租车上的乘客拍拍司机的肩膀要问他问题。司机突然惊叫起来，汽车失控，险些撞到一辆公共汽车，冲向了人行道，停在了离商店橱窗只有几公分的地方。
车厢内寂静了几秒钟后，司机说：“嘿，别再这么干了。你吓得我丧失了理智。” 乘客道歉说：“我没想到拍你的肩膀会把你吓成这样。” 司机回答说：“对不起，并不是你的错。今天是我第一天开出租车。之前的25年，我一直是开灵车的。”

注释：
1. tap: n. 轻打, 活栓, 水龙头; vt. 轻打, 轻敲, 使流出
    e.g.: I tapped you on the shoulder to get your attention. 我轻拍你的肩膀以引起你的注意。
2. footpath: n. 人行道, 小路
3. scare: v. 惊吓, 受惊, 威吓; n.惊恐, 恐慌, 恐惧
    e.g.: She was scared out of wits. 她给吓得不知所措。
4. daylights: n. 生命, 理智
    daylight: n. 日光, 白昼, 白天
5. apologize: vi. 道歉, 辩白
    e.g.: I must apologize for calling you so late. 实在抱歉, 这么晚给您打电话。
6. funeral: n. 葬礼, 出殡
作者: rock    时间: 2007-2-5 10:06     标题: Jesus walked everywhere (耶稣上哪儿都走路)

A boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies:" No, not until you cut your hair!" The boy replies:" But father, Jesus had long hair!" To which his father says," Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere."

参考翻译：
一个孩子向他父亲借车，父亲回答：“不行！除非你把头发剪短！”孩子说：“但是，爸爸，耶稣就留着长发！” 父亲回答：“是的，但是耶稣上哪儿都是走路去！”

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-2-5 10:08 编辑 ]
作者: 日落西雅图    时间: 2007-2-5 14:16

Good Rock

Thanks for your contributions to E-home. E-gas station makes E-home a good place to learn english!!

I will visit is as ofter as possible.

作者: rock    时间: 2007-2-6 11:03

原帖由 日落西雅图 于 2007-2-5 14:16 发表
Good Rock

Thanks for your contributions to E-home. E-gas station makes E-home a good place to learn english!!

I will visit is as ofter as possible.

作者: rock    时间: 2007-2-6 11:23     标题: Brainwashing (洗脑)

A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked, "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"

参考翻译：
父亲和他的三个小孩在教堂里，其中包括他5岁的女儿。 按照惯例，他们坐在第一排，这样孩子就可以很清楚地看到仪式。在这个特别的仪式中，牧师给一个婴儿施礼。5岁的女孩就被这个吸引住了，她看到牧师嘴里念念有词，然后把水倒在孩子头上。女孩的脸上出现了惊讶的表情，她转向父亲问：“爸爸，他为什么要给小孩洗脑？”

注释：
1. customary: adj. 习惯的, 惯例的
    衍生词 custom: n. 习惯, 风俗, <动词单用>海关
2. witness: n. [律]证人, 目击者, 证据, 证明, 证词; vt. 目击, 为...作证, 证明, 表明; vi. 作证, 成为证据
    e.g.:She witnessed the accident. 她亲眼看见该事故。
3. baptism: n. 浸洗, [喻]洗礼, 严峻考验
4. infant: n. 婴儿, 幼儿; adj. 婴儿的, 幼稚的
   (来自拉丁语的in fans: in (=not)+fari(=to speak)其原义是“不会说话”)
5. quizzical: adj. 古怪的, 引人发笑的, 嘲弄的, 探询的
    e.g.: His face wore a somewhat quizzical almost impertinent air. 他的脸上露出几分嘲弄甚至傲慢的表情。
6. brainwash: n.洗脑; vt. 对人洗脑, 以宣传说服
作者: rock    时间: 2007-2-9 10:59     标题: A long life? (活得长?)

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, " No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, " I thought you said I had another 40 years?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

参考翻译：
一个中年妇女有心脏病，被带到医院。在手术台上，她体验了临近死亡的感觉。她看到了上帝，她问，我死了吗？上帝说：“不，你还可以再活43年2个月零8天。”

恢复以后，女人决定待在医院做一系列整形手术。她甚至找人来给她染发。她认为自己还可以活这么久，所以要尽情享受。手术出院后，她横穿马路被超速行驶去医院的救护车撞死了。到了上帝跟前，她质问说：“我想你说过我还有40年的寿命。”

上帝回答说：“我没认出你。”

注释：
1. heart attack: n. 心脏病发作
2. recovery: n. 恢复, 痊愈, 防御
3. facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck: 整形，抽脂，隆胸，缩腹
4. ambulance: n. 战时流动医院, 救护车
作者: rock    时间: 2007-2-12 10:08     标题: Traditional roles blown away ( 传统角色被炸掉)

Several years before the Gulf War, a female journalist did a story on gender roles in Kuwait. She noted that there it was customary for women to walk 10 feet behind their husbands.

After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives. She approached a woman at the airport and asked," What enabled Kuwait women to achieve this role reversal?"

The Kuwaiti woman replied,"Land mines."

参考翻译：
海湾战争之前几年，一位女记者写了一篇关于科威特女性地位的文章。他发现在那里，女性总是走在丈夫后面，并保持10英尺的距离。

站后，他再次来到科威特，看到现在是男人走在妻子后面，并保持10英尺的距离。看到这，她心里十分高兴。在机场，她走近一位妇女，问她：“是什么让科威特妇女取得了翻身？”

科威特妇女回答：“地雷。”

注释：
1. gulf: n. 海湾, 深渊, 漩涡, 隔阂; vt. 吞没, 使深深卷入
    易混词 golf: n.高尔夫球； vi. 打高尔夫球
2. gender: n. [语法] 性, <口>性别, 性, 性交
3. approach: n. 接近, 逼近, 走进, 方法, 步骤, 途径, 通路; vt. 接近, 动手处理; vi. 靠近
    e.g.: Spring approaches. 春天近了。
4. reversal: n. 颠倒, 反转, 反向, 逆转, 撤销
    e.g.: That would be reversal of the order of host and guest. 这就主客颠倒了。
5. mine: n. 矿, 矿山, 矿井, 源泉, 宝库, 地雷, 水雷;  vt. 挖掘, 开采, 在...布雷, 破坏;  vi. 开矿, 埋设地雷;  pron.我的
作者: rock    时间: 2007-2-28 11:42     标题: That's what they said the last time (上次他们也这么说)

The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes,"Oh, pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind hearted pastor patted her hand and said," Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me."

"Yeah,"she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice," That's what they said the last time too..."

参考翻译:

牧师宣布将离开本地教堂，移居到一个气候干燥的地区。这个消息震惊了圣会。仪式过后，一位心烦意乱的妇女眼里含着泪水走到牧师跟前，对他说：“噢，鲍勃牧师，我们会非常想念您的。我们不想您离开！”好心的牧师轻拍着她的手对她说：“好了，好了，卡罗林，别哭了。新来的牧师可能比我更好。”

“是的，”她带着一种失望的语气说，“上次他们也是这么说的。。。”

注释：
1. congregation: n. 集合, 集会, [宗]圣会
2. resign: n. 辞去(职务); v. 辞去, 辞职
    resign one's position (as secretary) 辞去(秘书)职务
3. distraught: adj. 发狂的,心烦意乱的
4. disappointment: n. 失望
    衍生词 disappoint: vt. 使失望
    e.g.: I'm sorry to disappoint your hope. 对不起, 我使你失望了。

[ 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-3-3 17:04 编辑 ]
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-1 17:15     标题: Adam's underwear (亚当的内裤)

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look, what I found!" the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answer," I think it's Adam's underwear!"

参考翻译：

一个小男孩打开家族大《圣经》。当他一页一页地翻阅时，简直被迷住了。突然，有个东西从《圣经》里面掉了出来。他拾了起来，原来是夹在书页里的一片陈旧的树叶。“妈妈，快来看我找到了什么了！” 男孩大叫。“你找到什么了，宝贝？” 男孩激动地回答：“我想是亚当的内裤！”

注释：
1. fascinate: vt. 使着迷, 使神魂颠倒; vi. 入迷, 极度迷人的
    e.g.: The changing vivid colours of the sunset fascinated the eye. 日落时变化多端的色彩使人看得入迷。
2. astonishment: n. 惊讶
    e.g.: He looked at me in astonishment. 他惊奇地望着我。
    衍生词：astonish: vt. 使惊讶
    e.g.: The news astonished everybody. 这消息使人人感到惊讶。
3. underwear: n. 内衣裤
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-5 17:28     标题: A doctor is complaining to a mechanic (医生对汽车修理工的抱怨)

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, " Your fee is several times more per hour than we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doctor, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."

参考翻译：
一位医生跟一位汽车修理工抱怨：“你一个小时的收费比我们高多了。”
“是的，不过你看，医生，你操作的对象都是一样的，从亚当那时候起就没变过。可我们就不一样了，每个月都会出新车，我们必须紧跟潮流。”

注释：
1. mechanic: n. 技工; 机械工人
    car mechanic 汽车修理师
2. fee: n. 费(会费、学费等), 酬金
3. keep up to date: 使记到最近时期; 使跟上时代
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-6 17:39     标题: Get a heart transplant (移植心脏)

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me,"he said," have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors," We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."

参考翻译：
新来的病人刚走进医院，看见两个穿着白大褂的医生正在花坛上找什么东西。
“对不起，”他说，“你们丢了什么东西了么？”
“没有，”其中一个回答，“我们正在给一个税务稽查员做心脏移植手术，所以想在这里找块合适的石头。”

注释：
1. income: n. 收入, 收益, 进款, 所得
    income tax 所得税
2. inspector: n. 检查员, 巡视员
3. suitable: adj. 适当的, 相配的
    e.g.: This wine is not suitable to my taste. 这酒不合我的胃口。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-7 15:46     标题: Fourth Husband (第四任丈夫)

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wanderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Öh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

参考翻译：
一个女人告诉她的朋友她要举行第四次婚礼了。
“太棒了！但请别介意，我想知道你第一任丈夫出了什么事了？”
“他吃了毒蘑菇，死了。”
“噢，真可怜！那第二个呢？”
“他也吃了毒蘑菇，然后死了。”
“噢，太可怕了！我都不敢问你第三个丈夫是出了什么事了。”
“他是因脖子被扭断而死。”
“脖子被扭断了？”
“因为他死活不肯吃那蘑菇。”

注释：
1. poisonous: adj. 有毒的
    衍生词：poison: n. 毒药, 败坏道德之事, 毒害; vt. 毒害, 败坏, 使中毒; vi. 放毒, 下毒
2. tragic: adj. 悲惨的, 悲剧的
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-12 17:50     标题: We are the best of friends (好友)

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said," Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added," Can I see that prescreption I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."

参考翻译：

病人满怀感激地握着医生的手说：“既然我们是最好的朋友，我不打算给您钱，因为那是侮辱您的人格。但是我会把我的遗产分给你一部分。”

“非常感谢，您真是太好了，”医生动情地说，接着又补充道，“ 我能再看看刚给你的处方吗？我想做点小小的改动。”

注释：
1. gratitude: n. 感谢的心情
2. payment: n. 付款, 支付, 报酬, 偿还, 报应, 惩罚
3. emotionally: adv. 在情绪上
作者: Celine    时间: 2007-3-12 21:15

Hi, Rock. Seems it has been some time since the last time u attend our EC.
We all miss u
Have been busy recently?
Tks for your constant support to our BBS and  EC.
作者: Michael    时间: 2007-3-12 22:44

Hi, Rock, long time no see. As Celine said, we all miss you.
However, you gave us so much funny from this BBS, not just learning English.
You're so great. I think the only pity is that I'm not a pretty girl.
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-13 12:04

原帖由 Celine 于 2007-3-12 21:15 发表
Hi, Rock. Seems it has been some time since the last time u attend our EC.
We all miss u
Have been busy recently?
Tks for your constant support to our BBS and  EC.
原帖由 Michael 于 2007-3-12 22:44 发表
Hi, Rock, long time no see. As Celine said, we all miss you.
However, you gave us so much funny from this BBS, not just learning English.
You're so great. I think the only pity is that I'm not a  ...
Thank you two guys. I miss you too. It's a pity to miss EC for some time because of my busy and lazy things recently. But tonight I will see you there.
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-13 15:39     标题: Get the hell out of here (滚蛋)

The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope. One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good.

As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The Pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people: the poor and feeble ones.

Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bum's clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the Pope to stop and talk to him. Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says,"I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"

参考翻译：
教皇巡视城市，所以市民都穿上他们最好的礼拜服。一个当地人穿上了他最好的西服，他确信教皇会停下来和他说话。他站在一个穿着非常邋遢，散发着臭味的无业游民旁边。

教皇走过来的时候，俯身对无业游民说了些什么，然后就从那个当地人身边走过去了。他不敢相信，这让他很受打击。教皇没有同他说话，他注意起那个倒霉的人：一个贫穷、无能的人。

想了一下之后，他给了那个人20美元换他身上的衣服。他穿上游民的衣服，跑过去排队，等待下一次同教皇交谈的机会。正如医疗之中的，教皇这次走到他的身边，俯下身子说：“我想我告诉过你滚蛋了！”

注释：
1. resident: n. 居民; adj. 居住的, 常驻的
2. down trodden: adj. 受压制的,被蹂躏的
3. bum: n. 游荡者, 游民, 闹饮; adj. 无价值的; vi. 过游民生活, 免费得到, 流浪; vt. 乞讨
4. lean over 弯下身子; 俯身于...之上
    lean: lean: n. 倾斜, 倾斜度, 倚靠, 倾向;  adj. 瘦的, 贫乏的, 歉收的;  vi. 倚靠, 倾斜, 依赖, 倾向, 偏向;  vt. 使倾斜
    e.g.: He always leans on me for help. 他总是依赖我的帮助。
5. unfortunate: adj. 不幸的, 不合宜的, 不吉利的, 使人遗憾的; n. 不幸的人
6. feeble: adj. 虚弱的, 衰弱的, 无力的, 微弱的, 薄弱的
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-14 14:50     标题: Where is Jesus? (耶酥在哪里?)

One day in Sunday school, the teacher was talking about Jesus to the kids. "Bobby, where is Jesus?" asked the teacher. "Jesus is in heaven." replied Bobby. "Very good!" said the teacher.

The teacher then asked a little girl," Where is Jesus, Emily?"  Emily said innocently, " Jesus is in my heart!" The teacher beamed at little Emily and said," How very sweet!!!"

The teacher now asked Timmy, "Timmy, where is Jesus?" "Jesus is in my bathroom." he said assuredly. "Please elaborate, Timmy." the teacher said. Timmy then replied, "Well, every morning my dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells,'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!!!'"

参考翻译：
一天，主日学校的老师向孩子们介绍耶酥，她问一个男孩：“鲍比，耶酥在哪里？” 鲍比回答说：“耶酥在天堂。”“非常好！”老师表扬了他。

接着，老师问一个小女孩：“爱米丽，耶酥在哪里？” 爱米丽天真地回答说：“耶酥在我的心里！” 老师微笑着对爱米丽说：“太可爱了！”

这时，老师转向蒂米：“蒂米，耶酥在哪里？” 蒂米非常自信地回答：“耶酥在我们家洗手间里面！” 老师惊讶地说：“蒂米，说说看，为什么上帝在你们家的洗手间。”蒂米回答说：”每天早上，我爸爸起床后就狂敲洗手间的门，大吼，‘耶酥啊，你还在里面呀！’”

注释：
1. innocently: adv. 无罪地, 纯洁地
    innocent: adj. 清白的; 无罪的, 天真的, 单纯的, 无知的, 头脑简单的, 无害的
2. beam: n. 梁, 桁条, (光线的)束, 柱, 电波, 横梁; v. 播送, 微笑
    e.g.: He beamed his approval of the new idea. 他微笑表示赞同这个新主意。
3. elaborate: adj. 精心制作的, 详细阐述的, 精细; vt. 精心制作, 详细阐述; v. 详细描述
    e.g.: He asked me to elaborate on my proposal. 他让我详细说明我的提议。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-15 17:21     标题: Safe to swim here? (这里游泳安全吗?)

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"

"No," the man hollered back," they ain't been around for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy," How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do anything," the beachcomber said. " The sharks got them."

参考翻译：
一个游客在佛罗里达州海边钓鱼时，不幸把船弄翻了。虽然会游泳，但他十分害怕水里有鳄鱼，因此一直紧贴倾覆的小船，不愿游回岸边。这时，他看见一个流浪汉正站在岸边，就冲他喊：“这里有鳄鱼吗？”

“没有，”那人回答，“这里已经好些年没有鳄鱼出现了。”

游客这下放心了,于是不慌不忙地向岸边游去。

游到一半的时候，他问那流浪汉：“你们是怎么除去这些鳄鱼的？”

“我们什么也没做，”那人说，“ 全被鲨鱼吃了。”

注释：
1. capsize: v. (特指船)倾覆
2. alligator: n. 产于美洲的鳄鱼
    我们常用的是 crocodile
    还有一句外国小朋友的顺口溜也挺有意思的。 A：See you later, alligator.  B：After awhile,  crocodile.
3. cling to: v. 依附, 依靠, 坚持
    cling: vi. 粘紧, 附着, 紧贴, 坚持(意见), 墨守(习惯)
    e.g.: We clung together in the storm. 暴风中我们紧紧依偎。
4. beachcomber: n. <美>海岸巨浪, 流浪汉(尤指流浪在南太平洋海滩,码头的人)
5. holler:  vi. 叫喊, 说怨言, 抱怨, 发牢骚; vt. 大声叫喊; n. 叫喊
6. leisurely: adv. 从容不迫; adj. 从容 不迫的, 悠闲的
    leisure: n. 空闲, 闲暇, 悠闲, 安逸
    e.g.: I'll return the call at my leisure. 我有空就会来拜访。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-16 10:03     标题: Would you please do me a favor?(请帮个忙好么?)

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

参考翻译：
牙医在给病人把牙装好后，求他帮个忙。
牙医：能帮个忙吗？你可不可以用最大的音量痛苦地尖叫几声？
病人：为什么？医生，这次没那么疼。
牙医：有太多人在外面候诊了，但是我不想错过四点的球赛。

注释：
1. dentist: n. 牙科医生
2. scream: v. 尖声叫, 尖声喊叫; n. 尖叫声, 喊叫声
    e.g.: Jet planes screamed through the air. 喷气式飞机在空中呼啸而过。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-19 14:54     标题: Catching the bear (抓熊)

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside,"You skin this one while I go and get another!"

参考翻译：

两人相约去猎熊，一人待在小木屋中，另一人外出找熊。他很快便找到一只大熊，立即向它开枪，但是只伤到了它。

受伤的熊愤怒地向他冲来，他只得丢掉猎枪，疯狂地奔向木屋。虽然他使尽了全身解数，但熊还是稍快一些，一步步地向他逼近。眼看就要到门口的时候，他却被绊倒在地。

因为靠得太近，熊无法停住，被他绊倒，然后滚进小屋。

那人一跃而起，迅速把门关上，冲着里屋的朋友大喊：“你来剥这家伙的皮，我去找另外一只。”

注释：
1.wound: n. 创伤, 伤口; v. 击伤
2. enrage: vt. 激怒
    e.g.: He was enraged at the man's conduct. 他被那人的行为激怒了。
3. gain on: v. 逼近, 超过, 侵蚀
    gain: vt. 取[获、博、赢]得, 吸引, 争取, 说服, 达到, 增加, 进步; (钟、表等)走快
    e.g.: No pains no gains. [谚]没有辛苦就没有收获; 不劳则无获。
           Sometimes the best gain is to lose. [谚]有时吃亏就是占便宜。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-20 14:45     标题: The prison hospital (监狱医院)

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I onle came to see if you could get me out of this place!
    Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

参考翻译：

囚犯：听着，医生！你已经切除了我的脾、扁桃腺、淋巴结和一只肾。我想知道你到底能不能把我从这个地方弄出去？
医生：我正在一点点地把你弄出去。

注释：
1. spleen: n. 脾
2. tonsils: n. 扁桃腺
3. adenoids: n. 淋巴结
4. kidney: n. 肾,腰子，个性
    另外还有一些器官如：肠 intestine，胃 stomach，胆囊 cholecyst，胰腺 pancreas等。
作者: Celine    时间: 2007-3-20 17:56


Rock, u bring much fun to our BBS.
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-21 10:29

原帖由 Celine 于 2007-3-20 17:56 发表

Rock, u bring much fun to our BBS.
Thanks, I just share what I have.
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-21 10:52     标题: Lion tamer (驯狮人)

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said," Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew."

"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"

"Yes, he did." the man replied.

"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"

"Yes, he did." the man replied.

"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"

"Just once."the man replied.

The ringmaster asked," Why only once?"

And the man said," I was looking for my father."

参考翻译：

一个人对马戏团演出主管说他想加入成为一名驯狮人。主管问他是否有过相关经验，他回答说：“当然。我爸爸是世界上最著名的驯狮人之一，他将所有的技能都传给了我。” “是吗？”主管说，“他教过你让狮子跳火圈吗？”

“是的。”他回答。

“那他教过你让六只狮子叠成金字塔吗？”

“是的。”他又回答。

“那你有没有把自己的头放进狮子的嘴里过？”

“只有过一次。”他回答。

主管问：“为什么只有一次？”

那人说：“我那次是在（狮子口里）找我爸爸。”

注释：
1. ringmaster: n. 马戏团表演指导者
2. circus: n. 马戏团, 杂技团, 马戏场, 杂技场
3. tamer:  n. 驯服手
4. flaming hoop 火圈
　 flaming: adj. 燃烧的, 热烈的, 色彩鲜明的, 熊熊的, 灼热的, 火红的, 惊人的
    hoop: n. 箍, 铁环, 戒指, 篮; v. 加箍于, 环绕
5. pyramid: n. 角锥、棱椎, 金字塔, 叠罗汉; v. (使)成金字塔状, (使)渐增, (使)上涨
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-22 10:16     标题: Staying alive (活着)

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.

He thought to himself,"Life isn't so bad after all." and got off the railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.

"Thank you," he said," I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly. "My left foot itches, I can't scratch it!"

参考翻译：

某人刚刚失去工作。他站在一座大桥的栏杆上，正准备往下跳，突然发现一个失去手臂的矮子正在河岸上起舞。

他心想：“我的生活并不是太糟。” 于是从栏杆上走了下来。

他走向河岸，想要感谢那个矮子救了他一命。

“谢谢你，” 他说，“ 我本打算从桥上跳下去自杀，但后来我改变了主意，因为我看到你虽然失去双手却依然开心地跳舞。”

“跳舞？我不是在跳舞！” 那个人痛苦地回答。“我左脚痒得厉害，但就是搔不到！”

注释：
1. lay off: v. 解雇, 停止工作, 休息, 划出
2. railing: n. 栏杆, 扶手
3. itch: n. 发痒, 渴望, [医]疥疮(尤指发痒的); vi. 发痒, 渴望
    e.g.: I itch all over. 我浑身发痒。
4. scratch: n. 乱写, 刮擦声, 抓痕, 擦伤; vt. 乱涂, 勾抹掉, 擦, 刮, 搔, 抓, 挖出; vi. 发刮擦声, 搔, 抓; adj. 打草稿用的, 凑合的
    e.g.: That cat will scratch you with its claws. 那猫会用爪子抓你的。
作者: rock    时间: 2007-3-23 15:30     标题: Good news and bad news (好消息和坏消息)

Patinent: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

参考翻译:
病人:我在医院!我怎么会在医院?
医生:你遇上了交通事故.
病人:发生什么事情了?
医生:恩,有好消息,也有坏消息.你想先听哪个?
病人:先说坏的吧.
医生:你的腿受伤了,因此我们要锯掉你的双腿.
病人:太可怕了!那好消息呢?
医生:隔壁病房的人给你的拖鞋出了个好价钱.

注释:
1. involve:  vt. 包括, 笼罩, 潜心于, 使陷于
2. amputate:  vt. 切除(手臂,腿等)
3. ward:  n. 守卫, 保卫, 保护, 牢房, 病房, 行政区, 监护, 锁孔 ;vt. 守护, 保卫, 防止, 挡住, 躲开, 避免



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