Clever news reporter (聪明的新闻记者)
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd [color=Red]gathered[/color]. A newspaper reporter [color=Red]anxious[/color] to get his story could not get near the car.Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the [color=Red]victim[/color]."
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
参考翻译：
一辆汽车在大街上造成了事故。正如预期的那样，周围聚集了一大群人。一个新闻记者急于报导这个事故，但无法接近汽车。
但这个记者非常聪明，他大喊：“让我过去，让我过去，我是受害人的儿子。”
周围者都给他让出了一条道。
汽车前面躺着一头驴子。
注释：
1. gather: n. 集合, 聚集; vi. 集合, 聚集, 渐增, 蹙眉, 化脓; vt. 使聚集, 搜集, 积聚, 推断
e.g.: The tour guide gathered the visitors in the hotel lobby. 旅游团的导游把参观者们聚集在旅馆大厅。
2. anxious: adj. 观念的, 担忧的, 渴望的, 盼望的
e.g.: There is no reason to be anxious about the result. 不必为这结果而担心。
3. victim: n. 受害人, 牺牲者, 牺牲品
e.g.: You are a victim of your own scheming. 你是自己计划的牺牲品。
Run over the rooster (撞死一只公鸡）
A man was driving down a quiet country [color=Red]lane[/color] when out into the road [color=Red]strayed[/color] a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car. A cloud of feathers.Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said," I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to[color=Red] replace [/color]him."
"Suit yourself," the famer replied, " you can go join the other chickens that are around the back."
参考翻译：
某人驾车行驶在一乡村小路上，突然一只公鸡冲上小路。嘭的一声，公鸡消失在车底，只剩下一堆鸡毛。
那人吓了一跳，他把车停在农舍旁边，按响了门铃。他紧张地对开门的农夫说：“我刚撞死您的公鸡，请允许我换掉他。”
“按你的意思办，”农夫回答，“你去后边和其他小鸡待在一块儿吧。”
注释：
1. lane: n. （乡间）小路, 巷, 里弄, 狭窄的通道, 航线
2. stray: v. 迷路, 偏离, 漂泊, 漂泊游荡; adj. 迷路的, 离群的, 偶遇的
3. replace: vt. 取代, 替换, 代替, 把...放回原处
Heard on a public bus (在公交车上听到的话)
"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.""If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
参考翻译：
＂当您下车时，请注意低头并注意脚下．＂
＂如果您失足跌倒并碰到您的头，请降低声调并注意用语．谢谢．＂
Where are we going? (我们去哪儿?)
An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a [color=Red]fire balloon [/color]together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. " We're right over my homeland.""How can you tell?" asked the American.
"I can feel the cold air." he replied.
A few hours later the African man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. " We're right over my homeland."
"How do you know that?" asked the Russian.
"I can feel the heat of the [color=Red]desert[/color]."
Several more hours later, the American put his hand through the clouds. " Aah, we're right over New York."
The Russian and the African were[color=Red] amazed[/color]. " How do you know all of that?" they [color=Red]exclaimed[/color].
The American pulled his hand up." My watch is missing."
参考翻译：
一个美国人、一个俄国人和一个非洲人站在同一个热气球上，过了几分钟，俄国人把手伸入云层，然后说：“啊！我们就在我的家乡上空！”
“你怎么知道？”美国人问。
“因为我可以感觉到冰冷的空气。”他回答说。
几小时后，非洲人把手伸进云层，然后说：“！我们正在我的家乡上空！”
“你怎么知道？”俄国人问。
“因为我可以感觉到沙漠的热气。”
又过了几小时，美国人把手伸进云层，然后说：“啊哈，我们正在纽约上空。”
俄国人和非洲人十分惊讶，问道：“你是怎么知道的？”
美国人缩回他的手，说：“我的手表丢了。”
注释：
1. fire balloon: n. 热气球
2. desert: n.沙漠,应得的赏罚, 功过
易混词 dessert: n. 餐后甜点
3. amazed: adj. 吃惊的, 惊奇的
4. exclaim: v. 呼喊, 惊叫, 大声叫
e.g.: The children exclaimed with excitement. 孩子们激动地喊了起来。
Tour near glaciers (冰山附近的旅行)
Swiss mountain guides who always do the same [color=Red]trails[/color] can get tired answering the same questions over and over.One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking through a mountain [color=Red]valley[/color] that was strewn with rocks, and the traveler asked," How did these rocks get there?"
"Sir," said the guide,"they were brought down by a [color=Red]glacier[/color]."
The tourist [color=Red]peered[/color] up the mountain and said," But I don't see any glacier."
"Oh, really?" said the guide." I guess it has gone back for more rocks."
参考翻译：
瑞士山地导游总是重复地做相同的事情，有时他们会对一遍又一遍回答相同的问题感到厌烦．
有一次，一个英国游客向他的导游提出了各种愚蠢的问题，让他苦不堪言．当他们走过一个布满岩石的山谷时，游客又问：＂这些岩石是怎么到这里的？＂
导游说：＂先生，它们是被冰川带到这里的．＂
游客向山上凝视了一会儿，说：＂但是我没有看见这里有冰川啊．＂
导游回答：＂噢，是吗？我想她是去取更多的岩石了．＂
注释：
1. trail: n. 踪迹, 痕迹, 形迹; vt. 跟踪, 追踪, 拉, 拖, 拖拉, (指植物)蔓生, 蔓延, (指人)没精打采地走
e.g.: This is the trail of a hunted animal. 这是被追捕猎物的足迹．
2. valley: n. (山)谷, 流域
3. glacier: n. 冰河
4. peer: n. 同等的人, 贵族; vi. 凝视, 窥视; vt. 与...同等, 封为贵族
e.g.: He peered into the distance. 他凝视着远方．
Angry drivers meet (愤怒的司机相遇)
In a very small [color=Red]alley[/color] two trucks driving in opposite directions meet. As the drivers are equally [color=Red]stubborn[/color], neither of them want to [color=Red]reverse[/color]. They angrily look at one the other. Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading. The other one politely asks,"When you've finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?"参考翻译：
两个卡车司机驾着车在一个狭窄的小路上迎面相遇．两人都特别顽固，因此都不愿意掉头让路．他们愤怒地看着对方．最后，一个司机拿出一张报纸开始读起来．另一个就非常有礼貌地问他：＂等你读完那张报纸，可不可以也给我读一下？＂
注释：
1. alley: n. 小路, 巷, (花园里两边有树篱的)小径
2. stubborn: adj. 顽固的, 固执的, 坚定的, 坚决的, 难应付的, 难处理的
e.g.: He is as stubborn as a mule. 他（象骡子一样）非常固执．
3. reverse: n. 相反, 背面, 反面, 倒退; adj. 相反的, 倒转的, 颠倒的; vt.颠倒, 倒转
Getting old when...(当你变老了．．．)
You know you're getting older when...Everything that woks hurts,and what doesn't hurt doesn't hurt.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your mind makes [color=Red]contracts[/color] your body can't keep.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your knees [color=Red]buckle[/color] and your belt won't.
You sink your teeth into a [color=Red]steak[/color], and they stay there.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
参考翻译：
你知道你开始老了，当．．．
你全身上下一动就疼，不疼的地方都动不了．
你的孩子开始看着像中年人．
你脑子里想做的事，身体却无法做到．
你向往着一个无聊的夜晚．
你的膝盖弯了，但是腰却弯不下去．
你用牙齿咬牛排的时候，它们就留在牛排里．
你知道一切的答案，但是没有人问你问题．
注释：
1. contract: n. 合同, 契约, 婚约; v. 使缩短, 感染, 订约
2. buckle: n. 带扣; v. 扣住, 变弯曲
3. steak: n. (供煎, 烤等的)肉, 鱼, 肉片, 鱼片, 肉排, 牛排
Damn these flies! （该死的苍蝇）
An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman walked into a pub.Each order a [color=Red]pint[/color] of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer. The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one. The Scot took the fly out, [color=Red]shrugged[/color], and drank his beer. The Irishman [color=Red]pinched[/color] the fly between his fingers and yelled:" [color=Red]Spit[/color] it out! Spit it out!"
参考翻译：
一个英格兰人、一个苏格兰人和一个爱尔兰人走进一家酒馆。他们每人要了一品脱啤酒。这时候每人的杯子里都掉进了一只苍蝇。英国人脸上露出不快的表情，把啤酒推到一边，向服务员又要了一杯。苏格兰人把苍蝇捞了出来，耸了耸肩，然后就喝起了他的啤酒。爱尔兰人用两只手指把苍蝇夹住，然后大叫：“把酒吐出来！把酒吐出来！”
注释：
1. pint: n. 品脱(美制容量或体积单位，用于液量单位)
2. shrug: n. 耸肩; v. 耸肩
3. pinch: n. 捏, 撮, 收缩, 紧急关头, 匮乏, 压力; vt.掐, 夹痛, 修剪, 勒索, 使感缺乏, 使萎缩, 偷; vi. 收缩, 节省
e.g.: These shoes pinch my toes. 这双鞋挤脚。
4. spit: n. 唾液; v. 吐(唾沫), 吐出, 发射, 发出, 喷吐
e.g.: spat out the watermelon seeds. 吐出西瓜子
Weddings (婚礼)
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the [color=Red]bride[/color] dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happineiss and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said," So why is the [color=Red]groom[/color] wearing black?"参考翻译：
一个小女还初次参加婚礼，她轻声问妈妈：＂为什么新娘穿着白色的婚纱？＂＂因为白色象征着幸福，而今天是她一生中最幸福的一天．＂妈妈用简单的话向她解释．孩子想了一会儿，然后说：＂那为什么新郎穿着黑色的礼服呢？＂
注释：
1. bride: n. 新娘
2. groom: n. 马夫, 新郎, 男仆
Troubles (烦恼)
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a [color=Red]retirement[/color] home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to [color=Red]urinate[/color]. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."The second old man says, " You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8 o'clock I get up and try to move my[color=Red] bowels[/color]. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up, " Fellas, I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."
参考翻译：
三位老人坐在养老院走廊上．第一个老人说：＂伙计们，我非常苦恼．我七十岁了，每天早上７点起床，试着费劲地小便．接着，我整天都在努力小便，但十分困难．我试过各种药物，但毫无效果．＂
第二个老人说：＂你那算什么烦恼．我八十岁了。每天早上８点起床，试着费劲地大便．接着，我整天都在努力大便，但十分困难．我什么药都试过了，但毫无起色．＂
最后，第三个老人说：＂伙计们，我九十岁了，每天早上７点钟准时小便，８点钟大便，９点准时醒来．＂
注释：
1. retirement: n. 退休, 引退, 退却, 撤退
retire: vi. 退休, 引退, 退却, 撤退, 就寝
2. urinate: vi. 小便, 撒尿
口语中常用pee
3. move one's bowels: 大便
bowel: n.肠, 内脏, 内部
Wedding anniversary (结婚周年)
A couple goes out to dinner to [color=Red]celebrate[/color] their 50th wedding [color=Red]anniversary[/color]. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting [color=Red]sentimental [/color]because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies," No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"参考翻译：
一对夫妇外出就餐以庆祝他们的结婚五十年纪念日．回家路上，她看到他眼角滚出一滴泪珠，就问他是不是因为一起度过了５０年美好时光而伤感．他回答：＂不，我想起了我们结婚前的事．那时你爸爸用枪指着我，威胁说如果我不娶你，就要把我扔进监狱关上５０年．如果当初我没有娶你，明天我就自由了！＂
注释：
1. celebrate: v. 庆祝, 祝贺, 表扬, 赞美, 举行
2. anniversary: n. 周年纪念
3. sentimental: adj. 感伤性的, 感情脆弱的
Ten pints (十品脱)
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says," I hear you Irish are damn good drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness [color=Red]back-to-back[/color]." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. " Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the [color=Red]bartender[/color] to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman [color=Red]tears into[/color] all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says," If you don't mind me asking, where did you go for the past 30 minutes?" The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."参考翻译：
一个德克莎斯人走进一家爱尔兰酒馆．他清了清嗓子说：＂我听说爱尔兰人挺能喝酒．谁要是能连续喝完十品脱吉尼斯（一种爱尔兰黑啤酒）， 我就给他五百美圆．＂整个屋子里无人敢前去挑战．一个人甚至离开了酒馆．过了半小时后，刚离开的那个人又回到了酒馆，他拍了拍德克莎斯人的肩膀说：＂你还愿意打那个赌吗？＂德克莎斯人说可以，然后叫侍者送上十品脱吉尼斯．爱尔兰人一口气喝得精光．店里其他顾客齐声喝彩，而那个德克莎斯人则是目瞪口呆．他给了那个爱尔兰人五百美圆，说：＂如果您不介意，我想问一下，刚才那半小时您去了哪儿？＂爱尔兰人答道：＂噢，刚去了街上另外一家酒吧，想先试试自己能不能喝那么多．＂
注释：
1. back to back: n. 背对背, 紧接
2. bartender: n. 酒吧间销售酒精饮料的人, 酒吧间男招待
3. tear into: v. 猛攻
That's not it! (不是这个！)
A [color=Red]general [/color]noticed one of his soldiers behaving [color=Red]oddly[/color]. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say:" That's not it." and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier [color=Red]psychologically[/color] tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was [color=Red]deranged[/color], and wrote out his [color=Red]discharge[/color] from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said:" That's it."参考翻译：
某将军发现他的一个士兵行为古怪．他遇到纸片就捡起来，皱皱眉说：＂不是这个．＂然后就把纸放下．过了一段时间后，将军为这个士兵安排了一个心理检查．心理医生最后认为这个士兵精神失常了，并写信要求他不再服兵役．士兵拿起那封信，笑着说：＂就是这个．＂
注释：
1. general: n. 普通, 将军, 概要; adj. 一般的, 普通的, 综合的, 概括的, 全面的, 大体的 ; n. 常规
2. oddly: adv. 奇特地, 古怪地
3. psychologically: adv. 心理上地, 心理学地
4. deranged: adj. 疯狂的
5. discharge: vt. 卸下, 放出, 清偿(债务), 履行(义务), 解雇, 开(炮), 放(枪), 射(箭)
There is nothing wrong with your eyesight (您的视力完全正常)
A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She [color=Red]rattled[/color] off:" Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and [color=Red]frazzled [/color]up, my skin was all wrinkled and [color=Red]pasty[/color], my eyes were bloodshot and [color=Red]bugging out[/color], and I had this [color=Red]corpse[/color]-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looked her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly said:" Well, I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with your eyesight..."参考翻译：
一位女士匆匆忙忙地来到医生的诊所，她看起来十分焦虑和虚弱。他喋喋不休地说：＂医生，你看看我是怎么了。今天早晨我起来照镜子的时候，发现我的头发僵直无采，苍白的皮肤上布满了皱纹，眼睛红红的且眼球暴突，整个脸看起来跟僵尸一样！医生，我究竟怎么了！？＂医生花了几分钟给她检查了一下，然后平静地说：＂恩，我可以告诉您您的视力完全正常．．．＂
注释：
1. rattle: v. 发出卡嗒卡嗒声, 喋喋不休, 急忙地做; n. 吓吱声, 喋喋不休的人
2. frazzle: v. (使)磨损, (使)疲惫; n. 磨破, 破烂, 疲惫状态
3. pasty: adj. 面糊似的, 浆状的, 苍白的; n.馅饼
4. bug out: v.暴突, 撤退
5. corpse: n.尸体
Out of food supplies (食物供应短缺)
With four daughters and one son always [color=Red]dashing [/color]to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was [color=Red]hectic[/color]. To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.I [color=Red]instructed[/color] them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.
As a reminder, I wrote at eh top: If we are out of it, write it down.
When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message:
"Mom, you may be a bit old-fashioned, but you are not out of it."
参考翻译：
我有四个女儿和一个儿子，每天都是急急忙忙地跑去上学或做兼职，因此生活一直比较忙碌．另外，家里的生活用品总是用完了不能及时补充．
我告诉他们如果发现有什么东西快要用完时，就写在冰箱上的便笺簿上，好让我知道．
为方便提醒，我在第一页上写着：如果有东西快要用完了，写在这上面．
几天后，我翻看便笺簿，非常高兴地发现了这条留言：
＂妈妈，你虽然不够时髦，但还不过时．＂
注释：
1.dash: v. 匆忙完成
e.g.: dash off a note 匆忙写了一个便条
2. hectic: adj. 脸上发红, 发热的, 兴奋的, 狂热的, 肺病的; n. 脸红, 患肺结核
3. instruct: vt. 教, 教导, 命令, 指示, 通知
My wife is pregnant (我妻子怀孕了)
A man speaks [color=Red]frantically[/color] into the phone," My wife is [color=Red]pregnant[/color], and her [color=Red]contractions[/color] are only two minutes apart!""Is this her first child?" the doctor [color=Red]queries[/color].
"No, you idot!" the man shouts. " This is her husband!"
参考翻译：
一个男士拿着电话，狂暴地说：＂我妻子怀孕了，她的宫缩间隔不到两分钟！＂
＂这是（你是）她的第一个孩子吗？＂医生问．
＂不，你这个笨蛋！＂那人吼道，＂我是她的丈夫．＂
注释：
1.frantically: adv. 狂暴地, 疯狂似地
2. pregnant: adj. 怀孕的, 重要的, 富有意义的, 孕育的
3. contraction: n. 收缩, 缩写式, 紧缩
4. query: n. 质问, 询问, 怀疑, 疑问; v. 询问, 表示怀疑
Brave guide (勇敢的导游)
A tour guide was walking with a group of school kids at Yeloowstone park when one of the kids asked him if he had ever came face-to-face with a wolf."Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luch would have it, I was alone and without a [color=Red]weapon[/color]."
"What did you do?" the little girl asked.
"What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast."
"How did you get away?"
"As a last[color=Red] resort[/color], I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage."
参考翻译：
一个导游在黄石公园个一群孩子聊天．一个孩子问他是否曾遇到狼．
＂是的，我曾经遇到过一只狼．正巧当时只有我一个人，身边又没有武器．＂
＂你怎么办的？＂一个小女孩问．
＂我能怎么办？首先，我用眼睛瞪着它，但是它还好似慢慢地向我走近．我只好后退，大拿它离我越来越近，我必须马上想个办法．＂
＂你是怎么逃脱的？＂
＂我使出了最后一着，转过身子，迅速地走向了另一个笼子．＂
注释：
1. weapon: n. 武器
2. resort: vi. 求助, 诉诸, 采取(某种手段等), 常去; n. 凭借, 手段, 常去之地, 胜地
Have a first child (有了第一个孩子)
A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being [color=Red]pregnant[/color] with their first child.After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with [color=Red]indelible[/color] ink.
The couple was [color=Red]curious [/color]about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.
In very tiny letters, the stamp said, " When you can read this, come back and see me."
参考翻译：
妻子怀上了第一胎，因此夫妻二人去看医生．
当所有检查完毕之后，医生取出一个小图章，蘸上消不去的墨水，然后妻子的肚子上留下了一个印记．
夫妻二人十分好奇，不知那个印记有什么作用，于是丈夫到家后就拿出放大镜想看看到底是个什么东西．
只见上面用非常小的字写着：＂等你们能看清楚这上面的字，那就是再到诊所来的时候了．＂
注释：
1. pregnant: adj. 怀孕的, 重要的, 富有意义的, 孕育的
2. indelible: adj. 去不掉的, 不能拭除的
3. curious: adj. 好奇的, 求知的, 古怪的, 爱挑剔的
Pass out in shock ( 晕倒)
The man [color=Red]passed out [/color]in a dead [color=Red]faint[/color] as he came out of his front door onto the porch.Someone dialed 911.
When the [color=Red]paramedics[/color] arrived, they helped him regain [color=Red]consciousness [/color]and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said","My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawnmower."
参考翻译：
一个人跑出自家大门，接着就像死人一样晕倒在走廊上．
有人拨打了９１１．
医务人员赶到现场，让他恢复了知觉，然后问他：是什么让他晕倒的？
＂遇到这种事，任何人都会晕倒，＂他说，＂我儿子拿了车库钥匙去，但他没有把车开出来，而是开出了一辆割草机．＂
注释：
1. pass out: v. 昏倒, 死
2. faint: n. 昏晕, 昏倒
e.g.: She went off in a faint. 她昏过去了。
3. paramedic: n. 伞兵军医, 护理人员
4. consciousness: n. 意识, 知觉, 自觉, 觉悟, 个人思想
Motor bullies (摩托车流氓)
An old man was wating in a trunk stop when three bikers walked in.The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the man,[color=Red] spit [/color]into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a ward of [color=Red]protest[/color], the old man quietly left the dinner.
Shortly [color=Red]thereafter[/color], one of the bikers said to the waitress," Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied," Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
参考翻译：
一个老人在一家餐馆用餐，三个骑摩托车的家伙走了进来．
第一个家伙走向老人，把烟头塞进了老人的馅饼，然后坐到了柜台前．第二个家伙走向老人，向他的牛奶里吐了一口唾液，也坐到柜台前．第三个家伙走向老人，把他的盘子打翻，然后也坐到了柜台前．
老人一句话也没说，安静地离开了．
过了一会儿，其中一个骑摩托车的家伙对女服务员说：＂哼，这是男人吗？＂
女服务员回答说：＂也不是个好的卡车司机．他刚才开着自己的卡车压扁了三辆摩托车．＂
注释：
1. spit: n. 唾液; v. 吐(唾沫), 吐出, 发射, 发出, 喷吐
2. protest: n. 主张, 断言, 抗议; v. 主张, 断言抗议, 拒付
3. thereafter: adv. 其后, 从那时以后
The pre-birth class(产前辅导班)
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The [color=Red]instructor[/color] raised the[color=Red] issue [/color]of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said,"tell the older child,'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband camehome one day and said,' Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.' What do you think?"
One of the women spoke up[color=Red] immediately[/color]. "Does she cook?"
参考翻译：
当我们的第二个孩子就要出世的时候，我妻子和我参加了一个产前辅导班，这个辅导班是专为已经有孩子的夫妻设置的．
老师提出了如何告诉孩子这个重要的消息的问题：
＂一些父母，＂她说，＂告诉孩子｀我们非常爱你，因此我们决定为这个家再添一个孩子．＇但是这种方式是值得斟酌的．女士们，如果你们的丈夫哪天回家对你们说：｀宝贝，我非常爱你，因此我决定再娶一个妻子．＇你们会怎么想？＂
其中一个妈妈立即说：＂她会做饭吗？＂
注释：
1. instructor: n. 教师, <美>讲师
2. issue: n. 出版, 发行, (报刊等)期、号, 论点, 问题, 结果, (水, 血等的)流出
3. immediately: adv. 立即, 马上, 直接地
Expert on parenting (抚育专家)
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education [color=Red]seminars[/color] I conduct as an educational [color=Red]psychologist[/color].The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her 6 children, 18 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living.
I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free [color=Red]professional[/color] advice.
Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said,"If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
参考翻译：
在飞往佛罗里达的班机上，我抽空准备家长教育研讨班的讲稿，因为我是一个教育心理学家．
坐在我旁边的一位老年妇女告诉我她要飞往迈阿密，此前她花了两个星期看望了她在波士顿的６个孩子、１８个孙子和１０个曾孙。然后她问我从事什么职业。
我据实回答，期待着她向我询问一些免费的专业性建议。
然而她什么也没问，只是拿起一本杂志，然后说：“如果你要有什么想知道的，尽管问我。”
注释：
1. seminar: n. 研究会, 讨论发表会
2. psychologist: n. 心理学者
3. professional: n. 自由职业者, 专业人员, 职业运动员, 职业艺人; adj. 专业的, 职业的
Traval on the plane(飞机旅行)
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo [color=Red]album[/color] of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had [color=Red]dominated[/color] the entire conversation on her grandchildren. "Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"参考翻译:
飞机上,一位女士和一位男士相邻而坐.女士用了整整两个小时谈论她的孙子,她还向他展示了她九个孩子的相片.最后,她意识到在这场谈话中自己说得太多了.于是,她说:"噢,非常抱歉,话都让我一个人说了.那么,请您告诉我您觉得我这些孙子怎么样?"
注释:
1. album: 剪贴簿，影集，唱片
2. dominate: v.支配, 占优势
Last request (最后的请求)
The[color=Red] warden [/color]of the prison walked into Death Row and stopped in front of one of the [color=Red]cells[/color].He said to the [color=Red]inmate[/color],"I'm sorry but the Governor has rejected your [color=Red]plea[/color] for [color=Red]clemency[/color] and the [color=Red]execution[/color] will have to go forward. Do you have any last wishes or requests?"
The prisoner thought a moment and he said,"I would like to do the [i]Macarena[/i] one last time before I die."
They agreed that this was a reasonable last request. He stopped in front of another cell. "I'm sorry but your plea for clemency was rejected as well and we will have to execute you after him. Do you have any last wishes or requests?"
The second [color=Red]condemned[/color] man looked at the first prisoner for a moment and then said,"Could you PLEASE kill me first?"
参考翻译：
监狱看守来到死囚牢房，在第一间屋子前面他停了下来。
他对里面的囚犯说：“非常抱歉地告诉你，州长拒绝了你减刑的要求。我们明天就要行刑，你还有什么愿望或要求吗？”
囚犯想了想，说：“我想在死之前最后演唱一次《玛卡莲娜》。”
所有人都觉得这个要求是合情合理的。看守又再第二间屋子前停了下来，对里面的囚犯说：“非常抱歉地告诉你，州长也拒绝了你的减刑要求，你将在他之后押赴刑场。你最后还有什么愿望或是请求吗？”
第二个囚犯看了看第一个囚犯，然后说：“我求求你们，请先处死我，好吗？”
注释：
1. warden: n. 典狱官, 看守人, 学监, 区长
2. cell: n. 单元, 细胞, 蜂房, (尤指监狱或寺院的)单人房间, 电池
3. inmate: n. 同住者, 同室者(特指在医院、监狱), 居民
4. plea: n. 恳求, 请求, 辩解, 藉口
5. clemency: n. 温和, 仁慈, 和蔼
6. execution: n. 实行, 完成, 执行, 死刑, 制作, (武器等的)破坏效果, 杀伤力
execute: vt. 执行, 实行, 完成, 处死, 制成, [律]经签名盖章等手续使(证书)生效
7. condemned: adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的
Shopping for goods(购买唱片)
A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a [color=Red]private[/color] home instead."Do you have [i]Eyes of Blue [/i]and [i]A Love [color=Red]Supreme[/color][/i]?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
参考翻译：
一位女士想打电话给唱片专卖店，但拨错了号码，把电话打到了一个陌生人家里．
＂你有《蓝色的眼睛》和《崇高的爱》吗？＂她问．
＂恩，没有，＂那人疑惑地回答，＂但我有一个妻子和十一个孩子．＂
＂那也是一张唱片吗？（这是最高记录吗？）＂
＂我想不是，＂那人回答，＂但我觉得已经挺不错了．＂
注释：
1. private: adj. 私人的, 私有的, 私营的, 秘密的; n. 士兵
2. supreme: adj. 极度的, 极大的, 至高的, 最高的
We have new babies (我们有了新孩子 )
For weeks a six-year old [color=Red]lad[/color] kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the[color=Red] impending [/color]event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said,"Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and [color=Red]confessed[/color],"I think Mommy ate it!"
参考翻译:
一个六岁的孩子正在上小学一年级,他不久就要迎来一个弟弟或是妹妹,连续几个星期他不断地把事情进展告诉老师.
一天，妈妈叫这个孩子摸了摸她的肚子,让他感觉一下这个未出生的孩子.孩子显然非常吃惊,但他什么话也没说. 而且,他再也不告诉老师他们家就要多一个孩子的事了.
老师最后把他抱在膝头,问他:"汤姆,你那个就要出生的弟弟或是妹妹怎么样啦?"
汤姆听完大哭,然后说:"我妈妈把他吃到肚子里了!"
注释:
1. lad: n. 年轻,小伙子,少年
2. impending: adj. 即将发生的
3. confess: v. 承认,坦白,忏悔
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-7-5 18:18 编辑 [/i]]
Delivering a baby (接生)
A country doctor went way out to the [color=Red]boondocks[/color] to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the [color=Red]laboring[/color] mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and [color=Red]spanked [/color]him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
参考翻译:
某乡村医生到一个偏僻的地方接生.
那个地方十分偏僻,还没通电.当医生到达时,家里除了即将分娩的母亲和一个五岁的孩子外空无一人.帮助那位妇女分娩时,医生叫那个孩子高举着灯笼,这样他才能看清楚.
孩子照他说的做了.母亲产下小孩儿后,医生将他举起,然后在他屁股上拍了一下,以便让新生儿呼吸第一口空气.接着,医生问那个五岁的小孩觉得这孩子怎么样.
"再揍他一次," 五岁的小孩说," 他不应该爬到那里去."
注释:
1. boondocks: n. 森林地带,偏僻地区,荒野
2. laboring: adj. 分娩的
3. spank: v. 打...的屁股, 拍击; n. 一巴掌
Guests (客人)
There was a little kid who had a bad habit of [color=Red]sucking[/color] his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy pointed to an obviously [color=Red]pregnant[/color] woman and said," Ah, ha! I know what you have been doing!"
参考翻译：
一个小孩有吮拇指的坏习惯。妈妈告诉他如果他继续吮拇指的话，他就会变胖。
两星期后，妈妈请了几个朋友在家打桥牌。他指着一个怀孕的阿姨说：“啊哈，我知道你干了什么！”
注释：
1. suck: v. 吸, 吮, 吸取
2. pregnant: adj. 怀孕的, 重要的, 富有意义的, 孕育的
A woman on the bus (公车上的妇人)
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.The bus driver said:" That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
[color=Red]In a huff[/color], the woman slammed her [color=Red]fare[/color] into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver[color=Red] insulted[/color] me." She fumed.
The man [color=Red]sympathized[/color] and said:" Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said." I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
参考翻译：
一个妇人抱着孩子上了一辆公共汽车。
司机说：“这是我见过的最丑的孩子。”
妇人十分愤怒，把钱扔进了投币箱，然后坐到了后排的座位上。
坐在她旁边的男士看出她在生气，就问她怎么回事。
“司机羞辱了我。”她怒答。
那人表示同情，并说：“怎么可以这样！他是为公众服务的，不应该出语羞辱乘客。”
她说：“您说得没错，我要过去教训教训他。”
那人说：“好主意。来，让我帮你抱着这只猴子。”
注释：
1. in a huff: 生气的[地]
huff: n. 发[愤]怒; 骄傲的态度[表现], 骄傲[自负]的人
2. fare: n. 费用, 旅客, 食物; vi. 遭遇, 进展, 进步, 经营, 过活
3. insult: n.&vt. 侮辱, 凌辱
4. sympathize: vi. 同情, 共鸣, 同感, 同意, 吊唁
Three psychiatrists (三个精神病学家)
While attending a [color=Red]convention[/color], three psychiatrists take a walk."People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."
"Since we're all [color=Red]professionals[/color]," another suggests, " why don't we hear each other out right now?"
They agree this is a good idea. The first psychiatirst [color=Red]confesses[/color], " I' m a [color=Red]compulsive[/color] shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can."
The second admits," I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."
The third psychiatrist says, " I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
参考翻译：
1. convention: n. 大会, 协定, 习俗, 惯例
2. professional: n. 自由职业者, 专业人员, 职业运动员, 职业艺人; adj. 专业的, 职业的
3. confess: v. 承认, 坦白, 忏悔
e.g.: The suspect confessed to the crime. 嫌疑犯供认了罪行.
4. compulsive: adj. 强制的, 强迫的, 由强迫产生的, 禁不住的
Sharing everything (分享一切)
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her[color=Red] lap[/color].The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to [color=Red]purchase[/color] another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, " Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied," It's his turn with the teeth."
参考翻译：
一个年轻人看见一对年迈的夫妇坐在麦当劳里吃午饭．他发现他们点了一个套餐和一个额外的杯子．那位老先生在他的注视下把汉堡包仔细分成两半，然后开始数薯条，一跟给他，一跟给她地分配到他们各有一半．然后他把饮料倒了一半到那个额外杯子里递给了他的太太．老先生开始吃东西了，他太太双手放在大腿上，坐在那看着他吃．
年轻人决定问问他们是否允许他为他们再买一份套餐，这样他们就不用分着吃了．
老先生说：＂噢，不．我们结婚５０年了，每一样东西都是，将，来也会都是，五五分配的．＂
年轻人又问老太太怎么不吃，她回答说：＂现在轮到他用假牙．＂
注释：
1. lap: n. (坐时的)大腿前部, 膝盖, 舔声, (水)溅泼声, 重叠的部分, (跑道的)一圈, 衣兜, 下摆
vi. 重叠, 围住, 轻拍, 舔; vt. 包围, 抱...在膝上, 使重叠, 舔食, 泼溅, 拍打
2. purchase: vt.&n. 买, 购买
Set it free (给它自由)
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always be yours. If it never returens, it was never yours to begin with. If it juust sits in your room, [color=Red]messes[/color] up your [color=Red]stuff[/color], eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never[color=Red] behaves [/color]as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.参考翻译：
如果你热爱什么，给它自由．如果它回来了，它以前是，以后也永远会是你的．如果它不再回来，那么它永远也不会是你的．如果它坐在你的房间里，弄乱你的东西，吃你的食物，用你的电话，拿走你的钱财，而且从不表现出你已经给它自由了，那么你既不要跟它结婚，也不要把它生下来．
注释：
1. mess: n. 混乱, 脏乱; v. 弄乱
e.g.: The kitchen was in a mess. 厨房又脏又乱.
2. stuff: n. 原料, 材料, 素材资料; vt. 塞满, 填满, 填充
e.g.: Put that stuff over there.将那堆材料放在那儿.
3. behave: vi. 举动, 举止, 运转; v.行为表现
e.g.: The child behaved badly at the party. 那孩子在聚会上的表现很差.
The designated decoy (指定的诱饵)
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly [color=Red]rowdy[/color] bar for possible[color=Red] violations [/color]of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow [color=Red]stumble[/color] out of the bar, trip on the [color=Red]curb[/color], and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat [color=Red]fumbling[/color] around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied," Tonight I'm the [color=Red]designated decoy[/color]."
参考翻译：
一天晚上，一位警官在一家特别喧闹的酒吧外巡逻，以监视可能出现的违章驾驶行为．即将打佯的时候，他看见一个家伙跌跌撞撞地走出酒吧，走到路边，用他的钥匙试了五辆车才打开自己的车门．然后，他坐在车的前排，用钥匙摸索了好几分钟．所有的人都开车离开了酒吧．最后，那个人才发动了他的车，准备离开．
这位警官等着他，拦下他，向他宣读了他的权利，给他做了呼吸测试．结果却显示正常．警官充满疑惑，问那怎么可能．司机回答说：＂今天晚上我是指定的诱饵．＂
注释：
1. rowdy: n. 粗暴而又好争吵的人, 吵嚷者, 小流氓; adj. 吵闹的, 粗暴的
2. violation: n. 违反, 违背, 妨碍, 侵害, [体]违例, 强奸
3. stumble: v. 绊倒, 使困惑, 蹒跚, 结结巴巴地说话, 踌躇; n.绊倒, 错误
4. curb: n. 路边
5. fumble: v.摸索
6. designated: adj. 指定的, 派定的
designate: v. 指明, 指出, 任命, 指派
7. decoy: n. 猎鸟时以引诱别的鸟(特别是野鸭)集于一地的真鸟或假鸟, 圈套, 诱骗; vt. 诱骗
A child sent to bed (孩子上床)
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.[Five minutes later]
"Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Da-aaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to [color=Red]spank[/color] you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
参考翻译：
父亲把孩子放到床上．
［五分钟后］
＂爸爸！＂
＂什么事？＂
＂我口渴，能给我杯水吗？＂
＂不行．刚才你怎么不要，把灯关掉．＂
［又过了五分钟］
＂爸爸！＂
＂什么事？＂
＂我渴！给我杯水行吗？＂
＂我告诉你不行！再问我就打你屁股！＂
［又过了五分钟］
＂爸爸！＂
＂什么事？＂
＂你过来打我的时候，顺便带杯水过来行吗？＂
注释：
1. spank: vt. 打...的屁股, 拍击, 鞭策...前进, 飞跑; vi. 飞跑; n. 一巴掌, 出色的人(或东西)
It's time to go home
It's time to go home (是回家的时候了)
A businessman enters a [color=Red]tavern[/color], sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini. After he finishes the drink, he [color=Red]peeks[/color] inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says," Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long--but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."The customer replies,"I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
参考翻译：
一个商人走进酒吧，坐在吧台前，点了一杯双倍马提尼．他喝完了，瞥了一眼他的衬衫口袋，然后又向服务生要了一杯双倍马提尼．喝完后，他又瞥了一眼衬衫口袋，然后再向服务生要了一杯双倍马提尼．服务生说：＂瞧，伙计，我给你送了一晚上的马提尼，但是你能告诉我你为什么总是在又要酒前看你的衬衫口袋呢？＂顾客回答：＂我在看我太太的照片．当她看起来变美了，我就知道是回家的时候了．＂
注释：
1. tavern: n. 酒馆, 客栈
2. peek: n. 一瞥, 匆忙看过; v. 偷看
Watch your mouth (留意你的嘴巴)
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was [color=Red]confronted[/color] by a very angry wife and was [color=Red]barraged[/color] for nearly two hours with a [color=Red]tirade[/color] [color=Red]befitting [/color]his actions.Finally, his wife stopped the [color=Red]nagging [/color]and simply said to him," How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied," That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.
Thursday, the[color=Red] swelling [/color]went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
参考翻译：
公司星期五发工资，一人下班后没有回家，而是和同事们外出打猎寻欢，两天时间花去了所有工资．星期天晚上，他回到家里，妻子十分生气，喋喋不休地骂了两个小时．
终于，妻子停了下来，淡淡地对他说：＂如果两三天你但不到我，你觉得怎么样？＂
他回答：＂我觉得挺好的．＂
星期一他没有看见妻子，星期二、星期三也没有看到。
到了星期四，眼睛开始消肿了，他才可以从左眼眼角隐约看见妻子。
注释：
1. confront: vt. 使面临, 对抗
e.g.: A soldier has to confront danger and death. 军人必须勇敢而冷静地面对危险和死亡。
2. barrage: n. 拦河坝, 堰, 阻塞, (敌军前进的)弹幕射击, 连续质问
3. tirade: n. 长篇激烈的演说
4. befit: vt. 适合, 适宜, 为...所应做的
5. nagging: adj. 唠叨的, 挑剔的; n. 唠叨, 挑剔
6. swelling: n. 河水猛涨,涨水,肿胀, 增大; 肿瘤
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-7-23 17:01 编辑 [/i]]
Want a day off work? (想要请假？)
So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year[color=Red] available[/color] for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be [color=Red]darned[/color] if you are going to tike that day off!参考翻译：
你想要请假？让我们来看看你想要的是什么。一年有52周，但每周你有两天双休日，于是只剩下261天可用于工作。每天你有16小时不上班，累计170天，剩下的只有91天了。每天工作时间你有半小时茶歇，加起来就是23天，除此之后可用于工作的就只有68天。每天一小时的午餐时间又占去46天，可用于工作的天数减少到22天。再减去两天病假，还有20天，里面还包括5天公司放假，实际只有15天工作时间。另外每年公司为你提供14天休假，最后只剩下1天了。难道这最后1天你也想请假？岂有此理！
注释：
1. available: adj. 可用到的, 可利用的, 有用的, 有空的, 接受探访的
e.g.: This book is not available here. 这里没有这本书。
2. darned: adj. 岂有此理的, 非常, 可恨的; adv. 岂有此理地, 可恨地, 非常
Golf game (高尔夫球)
“ How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went.”
“But you’re seventy-five years old, Jack!” [color=Red]admonished[/color] his wife, “ Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?”
“But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even play golf anymore.” protested Jack.
“ But he’s got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball.” Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack took with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
“Do you see it?” asked Jack.
“Yup.” Scott answered.
“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, [color=Red]peering[/color] off into the distance.
“ I forgot”.
参考翻译：
“亲爱的，今天高尔夫打得怎么样？”杰克的妻子特蕾西问。
“还好，我打得不错，但是我的视力太差，看不到球跑到哪儿去了。”
“别忘了你已经75岁了，杰克，”妻子说，“干嘛不把我哥哥斯科特叫上？”
“但是他已经85岁了，而且他也不玩高尔夫球了。”杰克反对妻子的提议。
“不过他视力还很棒，他可以帮你看着球。”特蕾西说。
于是第二天，杰克就带上斯科特。杰克挥杆击球，球在球道上走到一半就消失了。
“看到球了吗？“杰克问。
“是的。”斯科特回答。
“好的，那球在哪里？”杰克望着远方说。
“我忘了。”
注释：
1. admonish: vt. 劝告, 训诫, 警告
2. peer: n. 同等的人, 贵族; vi. 凝视, 窥视; vt. 与...同等, 封为贵族
Have a life after death (死而复生)
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.“Yes, Sir.” The new [color=Red]recruit[/color] replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on, “After you left early yesterday to got to your grandmother’s[color=Red] funeral[/color], she stopped in to see you.”
参考翻译：
“你相信人会死而复生吗？”老板问他的一个雇员。
“是的，先生。”这个新员工回答。
“好，那一切都将得通了。”老板继续说，“就在昨天你提前下班去参加祖母的葬礼之后，她正好路过这里，顺便进来看了看。”
注释：
1. recruit: n. 新兵, 新分子, 新会员
2. funeral: n. 葬礼, 出殡