That's what they said the last time (上次他们也这么说)
The pastor shocked the [color=Red]congregation[/color] when he announced that he was [color=Red]resigning[/color] from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very [color=Red]distraught[/color] lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes,"Oh, pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind hearted pastor patted her hand and said," Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me.""Yeah,"she said, with a tone of [color=Red]disappointment[/color] in her voice," That's what they said the last time too..."
参考翻译:
牧师宣布将离开本地教堂，移居到一个气候干燥的地区。这个消息震惊了圣会。仪式过后，一位心烦意乱的妇女眼里含着泪水走到牧师跟前，对他说：“噢，鲍勃牧师，我们会非常想念您的。我们不想您离开！”好心的牧师轻拍着她的手对她说：“好了，好了，卡罗林，别哭了。新来的牧师可能比我更好。”
“是的，”她带着一种失望的语气说，“上次他们也是这么说的。。。”
注释：
1. congregation: n. 集合, 集会, [宗]圣会
2. resign: n. 辞去(职务); v. 辞去, 辞职
resign one's position (as secretary) 辞去(秘书)职务
3. distraught: adj. 发狂的,心烦意乱的
4. disappointment: n. 失望
衍生词 disappoint: vt. 使失望
e.g.: I'm sorry to disappoint your hope. 对不起, 我使你失望了。
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-3-3 17:04 编辑 [/i]]
Adam's underwear (亚当的内裤)
A little boy opened the big family [i]Bible[/i]. He was [color=Red]fascinated[/color] as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the [i]Bible[/i]. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look, what I found!" the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With [color=Red]astonishment[/color] in the young boy's voice, he answer," I think it's Adam's [color=Red]underwear[/color]!"参考翻译：
一个小男孩打开家族大《圣经》。当他一页一页地翻阅时，简直被迷住了。突然，有个东西从《圣经》里面掉了出来。他拾了起来，原来是夹在书页里的一片陈旧的树叶。“妈妈，快来看我找到了什么了！” 男孩大叫。“你找到什么了，宝贝？” 男孩激动地回答：“我想是亚当的内裤！”
注释：
1. fascinate: vt. 使着迷, 使神魂颠倒; vi. 入迷, 极度迷人的
e.g.: The changing vivid colours of the sunset fascinated the eye. 日落时变化多端的色彩使人看得入迷。
2. astonishment: n. 惊讶
e.g.: He looked at me in astonishment. 他惊奇地望着我。
衍生词：astonish: vt. 使惊讶
e.g.: The news astonished everybody. 这消息使人人感到惊讶。
3. underwear: n. 内衣裤
A doctor is complaining to a mechanic (医生对汽车修理工的抱怨)
A doctor is talking to a car [color=Red]mechanic[/color], " Your[color=Red] fee [/color]is several times more per hour than we get paid for medical care.""Yeah, but you see, doctor, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to [color=Red]keep up to date [/color]with new models coming every month."
参考翻译：
一位医生跟一位汽车修理工抱怨：“你一个小时的收费比我们高多了。”
“是的，不过你看，医生，你操作的对象都是一样的，从亚当那时候起就没变过。可我们就不一样了，每个月都会出新车，我们必须紧跟潮流。”
注释：
1. mechanic: n. 技工; 机械工人
car mechanic 汽车修理师
2. fee: n. 费(会费、学费等), 酬金
3. keep up to date: 使记到最近时期; 使跟上时代
Get a heart transplant (移植心脏)
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds."Excuse me,"he said," have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors," We're doing a heart transplant for an [color=Red]income-tax [/color][color=Red]inspector[/color] and want to find a [color=Red]suitable[/color] stone."
参考翻译：
新来的病人刚走进医院，看见两个穿着白大褂的医生正在花坛上找什么东西。
“对不起，”他说，“你们丢了什么东西了么？”
“没有，”其中一个回答，“我们正在给一个税务稽查员做心脏移植手术，所以想在这里找块合适的石头。”
注释：
1. income: n. 收入, 收益, 进款, 所得
income tax 所得税
2. inspector: n. 检查员, 巡视员
3. suitable: adj. 适当的, 相配的
e.g.: This wine is not suitable to my taste. 这酒不合我的胃口。
Fourth Husband (第四任丈夫)
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time."How wanderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate [color=Red]poisonous[/color] mushrooms and died."
"Öh, how[color=Red] tragic[/color]! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
参考翻译：
一个女人告诉她的朋友她要举行第四次婚礼了。
“太棒了！但请别介意，我想知道你第一任丈夫出了什么事了？”
“他吃了毒蘑菇，死了。”
“噢，真可怜！那第二个呢？”
“他也吃了毒蘑菇，然后死了。”
“噢，太可怕了！我都不敢问你第三个丈夫是出了什么事了。”
“他是因脖子被扭断而死。”
“脖子被扭断了？”
“因为他死活不肯吃那蘑菇。”
注释：
1. poisonous: adj. 有毒的
衍生词：poison: n. 毒药, 败坏道德之事, 毒害; vt. 毒害, 败坏, 使中毒; vi. 放毒, 下毒
2. tragic: adj. 悲惨的, 悲剧的
We are the best of friends (好友)
The patient shook his doctor's hand in [color=Red]gratitude[/color] and said," Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering [color=Red]payment[/color]. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.""That is very kind of you," said the doctor [color=Red]emotionally[/color], and then added," Can I see that prescreption I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."
参考翻译：
病人满怀感激地握着医生的手说：“既然我们是最好的朋友，我不打算给您钱，因为那是侮辱您的人格。但是我会把我的遗产分给你一部分。”
“非常感谢，您真是太好了，”医生动情地说，接着又补充道，“ 我能再看看刚给你的处方吗？我想做点小小的改动。”
注释：
1. gratitude: n. 感谢的心情
2. payment: n. 付款, 支付, 报酬, 偿还, 报应, 惩罚
3. emotionally: adv. 在情绪上 Hi, Rock. Seems it has been some time since the last time u attend our EC.
We all miss u:D
Have been busy recently?
Tks for your constant support to our BBS and EC.:) Hi, Rock, long time no see. As Celine said, we all miss you. :)
However, you gave us so much funny from this BBS, not just learning English.
You're so great. I think the only pity is that I'm not a pretty girl. :lol [quote]原帖由 [i]Celine[/i] 于 2007-3-12 21:15 发表
Hi, Rock. Seems it has been some time since the last time u attend our EC.
We all miss u:D
Have been busy recently?
Tks for your constant support to our BBS and EC.:) [/quote]
[quote]原帖由 [i]Michael[/i] 于 2007-3-12 22:44 发表
Hi, Rock, long time no see. As Celine said, we all miss you. :)
However, you gave us so much funny from this BBS, not just learning English.
You're so great. I think the only pity is that I'm not a ... [/quote]
Thank you two guys. I miss you too. It's a pity to miss EC for some time because of my busy and lazy things recently. But tonight I will see you there. :)
Get the hell out of here (滚蛋)
The Pope is visiting town and all the [color=Red]residents[/color] are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope. One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally [color=Red]down-trodden [/color]looking [color=Red]bum[/color] who doesn't smell very good.As the Pope comes walking by he [color=Red]leans over [/color]and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The Pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the [color=Red]unfortunate[/color] people: the poor and [color=Red]feeble[/color] ones.
Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bum's clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the Pope to stop and talk to him. Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says,"I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"
参考翻译：
教皇巡视城市，所以市民都穿上他们最好的礼拜服。一个当地人穿上了他最好的西服，他确信教皇会停下来和他说话。他站在一个穿着非常邋遢，散发着臭味的无业游民旁边。
教皇走过来的时候，俯身对无业游民说了些什么，然后就从那个当地人身边走过去了。他不敢相信，这让他很受打击。教皇没有同他说话，他注意起那个倒霉的人：一个贫穷、无能的人。
想了一下之后，他给了那个人20美元换他身上的衣服。他穿上游民的衣服，跑过去排队，等待下一次同教皇交谈的机会。正如医疗之中的，教皇这次走到他的身边，俯下身子说：“我想我告诉过你滚蛋了！”
注释：
1. resident: n. 居民; adj. 居住的, 常驻的
2. down trodden: adj. 受压制的,被蹂躏的
3. bum: n. 游荡者, 游民, 闹饮; adj. 无价值的; vi. 过游民生活, 免费得到, 流浪; vt. 乞讨
4. lean over 弯下身子; 俯身于...之上
lean: lean: n. 倾斜, 倾斜度, 倚靠, 倾向; adj. 瘦的, 贫乏的, 歉收的; vi. 倚靠, 倾斜, 依赖, 倾向, 偏向; vt. 使倾斜
e.g.: He always leans on me for help. 他总是依赖我的帮助。
5. unfortunate: adj. 不幸的, 不合宜的, 不吉利的, 使人遗憾的; n. 不幸的人
6. feeble: adj. 虚弱的, 衰弱的, 无力的, 微弱的, 薄弱的
Where is Jesus? (耶酥在哪里?)
One day in Sunday school, the teacher was talking about Jesus to the kids. "Bobby, where is Jesus?" asked the teacher. "Jesus is in heaven." replied Bobby. "Very good!" said the teacher.The teacher then asked a little girl," Where is Jesus, Emily?" Emily said [color=Red]innocently[/color], " Jesus is in my heart!" The teacher [color=Red]beamed[/color] at little Emily and said," How very sweet!!!"
The teacher now asked Timmy, "Timmy, where is Jesus?" "Jesus is in my bathroom." he said assuredly. "Please [color=Red]elaborate[/color], Timmy." the teacher said. Timmy then replied, "Well, every morning my dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells,'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!!!'"
参考翻译：
一天，主日学校的老师向孩子们介绍耶酥，她问一个男孩：“鲍比，耶酥在哪里？” 鲍比回答说：“耶酥在天堂。”“非常好！”老师表扬了他。
接着，老师问一个小女孩：“爱米丽，耶酥在哪里？” 爱米丽天真地回答说：“耶酥在我的心里！” 老师微笑着对爱米丽说：“太可爱了！”
这时，老师转向蒂米：“蒂米，耶酥在哪里？” 蒂米非常自信地回答：“耶酥在我们家洗手间里面！” 老师惊讶地说：“蒂米，说说看，为什么上帝在你们家的洗手间。”蒂米回答说：”每天早上，我爸爸起床后就狂敲洗手间的门，大吼，‘耶酥啊，你还在里面呀！’”
注释：
1. innocently: adv. 无罪地, 纯洁地
innocent: adj. 清白的; 无罪的, 天真的, 单纯的, 无知的, 头脑简单的, 无害的
2. beam: n. 梁, 桁条, (光线的)束, 柱, 电波, 横梁; v. 播送, 微笑
e.g.: He beamed his approval of the new idea. 他微笑表示赞同这个新主意。
3. elaborate: adj. 精心制作的, 详细阐述的, 精细; vt. 精心制作, 详细阐述; v. 详细描述
e.g.: He asked me to elaborate on my proposal. 他让我详细说明我的提议。
Safe to swim here? (这里游泳安全吗?)
While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist [color=Red]capsized[/color] his boat. He could swim, but his fear of [color=Red]alligators[/color] kept him [color=Red]clinging to [/color]the overturned craft. Spotting an old [color=Red]beachcomber[/color] standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?""No," the man [color=Red]hollered[/color] back," they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming [color=Red]leisurely[/color] toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy," How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do anything," the beachcomber said. " The sharks got them."
参考翻译：
一个游客在佛罗里达州海边钓鱼时，不幸把船弄翻了。虽然会游泳，但他十分害怕水里有鳄鱼，因此一直紧贴倾覆的小船，不愿游回岸边。这时，他看见一个流浪汉正站在岸边，就冲他喊：“这里有鳄鱼吗？”
“没有，”那人回答，“这里已经好些年没有鳄鱼出现了。”
游客这下放心了,于是不慌不忙地向岸边游去。
游到一半的时候，他问那流浪汉：“你们是怎么除去这些鳄鱼的？”
“我们什么也没做，”那人说，“ 全被鲨鱼吃了。”
注释：
1. capsize: v. (特指船)倾覆
2. alligator: n. 产于美洲的鳄鱼
我们常用的是 crocodile
还有一句外国小朋友的顺口溜也挺有意思的。 A：See you later, alligator. B：After awhile, crocodile.
3. cling to: v. 依附, 依靠, 坚持
cling: vi. 粘紧, 附着, 紧贴, 坚持(意见), 墨守(习惯)
e.g.: We clung together in the storm. 暴风中我们紧紧依偎。
4. beachcomber: n. <美>海岸巨浪, 流浪汉(尤指流浪在南太平洋海滩,码头的人)
5. holler: vi. 叫喊, 说怨言, 抱怨, 发牢骚; vt. 大声叫喊; n. 叫喊
6. leisurely: adv. 从容不迫; adj. 从容 不迫的, 悠闲的
leisure: n. 空闲, 闲暇, 悠闲, 安逸
e.g.: I'll return the call at my leisure. 我有空就会来拜访。
Would you please do me a favor?(请帮个忙好么?)
A [color=Red]dentist[/color], after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful [color=Red]screams[/color]?
Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
参考翻译：
牙医在给病人把牙装好后，求他帮个忙。
牙医：能帮个忙吗？你可不可以用最大的音量痛苦地尖叫几声？
病人：为什么？医生，这次没那么疼。
牙医：有太多人在外面候诊了，但是我不想错过四点的球赛。
注释：
1. dentist: n. 牙科医生
2. scream: v. 尖声叫, 尖声喊叫; n. 尖叫声, 喊叫声
e.g.: Jet planes screamed through the air. 喷气式飞机在空中呼啸而过。
Catching the bear (抓熊)
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only [color=Red]wounded[/color] it.The [color=Red]enraged[/color] bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and [color=Red]gained on [/color]him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside,"You skin this one while I go and get another!"
参考翻译：
两人相约去猎熊，一人待在小木屋中，另一人外出找熊。他很快便找到一只大熊，立即向它开枪，但是只伤到了它。
受伤的熊愤怒地向他冲来，他只得丢掉猎枪，疯狂地奔向木屋。虽然他使尽了全身解数，但熊还是稍快一些，一步步地向他逼近。眼看就要到门口的时候，他却被绊倒在地。
因为靠得太近，熊无法停住，被他绊倒，然后滚进小屋。
那人一跃而起，迅速把门关上，冲着里屋的朋友大喊：“你来剥这家伙的皮，我去找另外一只。”
注释：
1.wound: n. 创伤, 伤口; v. 击伤
2. enrage: vt. 激怒
e.g.: He was enraged at the man's conduct. 他被那人的行为激怒了。
3. gain on: v. 逼近, 超过, 侵蚀
gain: vt. 取[获、博、赢]得, 吸引, 争取, 说服, 达到, 增加, 进步; (钟、表等)走快
e.g.: No pains no gains. [谚]没有辛苦就没有收获; 不劳则无获。
Sometimes the best gain is to lose. [谚]有时吃亏就是占便宜。
The prison hospital (监狱医院)
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my [color=Red]spleen, tonsils, adenoids[/color], and one of my [color=Red]kidneys[/color]. I onle came to see if you could get me out of this place!Doctor: I am, bit by bit.
参考翻译：
囚犯：听着，医生！你已经切除了我的脾、扁桃腺、淋巴结和一只肾。我想知道你到底能不能把我从这个地方弄出去？
医生：我正在一点点地把你弄出去。
注释：
1. spleen: n. 脾
2. tonsils: n. 扁桃腺
3. adenoids: n. 淋巴结
4. kidney: n. 肾,腰子，个性
另外还有一些器官如：肠 intestine，胃 stomach，胆囊 cholecyst，胰腺 pancreas等。 :lol :lol
Rock, u bring much fun to our BBS. [quote]原帖由 [i]Celine[/i] 于 2007-3-20 17:56 发表
:lol :lol
Rock, u bring much fun to our BBS. [/quote]
Thanks, I just share what I have.:)
Lion tamer (驯狮人)
A man told the [color=Red]ringmaster[/color] that he was interested in joining the [color=Red]circus[/color] as a lion [color=Red]tamer.[/color] The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said," Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew.""Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a [color=Red]flaming hoop[/color]?"
"Yes, he did." the man replied.
"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a[color=Red] pyramid[/color]?"
"Yes, he did." the man replied.
"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"
"Just once."the man replied.
The ringmaster asked," Why only once?"
And the man said," I was looking for my father."
参考翻译：
一个人对马戏团演出主管说他想加入成为一名驯狮人。主管问他是否有过相关经验，他回答说：“当然。我爸爸是世界上最著名的驯狮人之一，他将所有的技能都传给了我。” “是吗？”主管说，“他教过你让狮子跳火圈吗？”
“是的。”他回答。
“那他教过你让六只狮子叠成金字塔吗？”
“是的。”他又回答。
“那你有没有把自己的头放进狮子的嘴里过？”
“只有过一次。”他回答。
主管问：“为什么只有一次？”
那人说：“我那次是在（狮子口里）找我爸爸。”
注释：
1. ringmaster: n. 马戏团表演指导者
2. circus: n. 马戏团, 杂技团, 马戏场, 杂技场
3. tamer: n. 驯服手
4. flaming hoop 火圈
flaming: adj. 燃烧的, 热烈的, 色彩鲜明的, 熊熊的, 灼热的, 火红的, 惊人的
hoop: n. 箍, 铁环, 戒指, 篮; v. 加箍于, 环绕
5. pyramid: n. 角锥、棱椎, 金字塔, 叠罗汉; v. (使)成金字塔状, (使)渐增, (使)上涨
Staying alive (活着)
A man had just been [color=Red]laid off [/color]from work. He was standing on the [color=Red]railing[/color] of a high bridge getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.He thought to himself,"Life isn't so bad after all." and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said," I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly. "My left foot[color=Red] itches[/color], I can't [color=Red]scratch[/color] it!"
参考翻译：
某人刚刚失去工作。他站在一座大桥的栏杆上，正准备往下跳，突然发现一个失去手臂的矮子正在河岸上起舞。
他心想：“我的生活并不是太糟。” 于是从栏杆上走了下来。
他走向河岸，想要感谢那个矮子救了他一命。
“谢谢你，” 他说，“ 我本打算从桥上跳下去自杀，但后来我改变了主意，因为我看到你虽然失去双手却依然开心地跳舞。”
“跳舞？我不是在跳舞！” 那个人痛苦地回答。“我左脚痒得厉害，但就是搔不到！”
注释：
1. lay off: v. 解雇, 停止工作, 休息, 划出
2. railing: n. 栏杆, 扶手
3. itch: n. 发痒, 渴望, [医]疥疮(尤指发痒的); vi. 发痒, 渴望
e.g.: I itch all over. 我浑身发痒。
4. scratch: n. 乱写, 刮擦声, 抓痕, 擦伤; vt. 乱涂, 勾抹掉, 擦, 刮, 搔, 抓, 挖出; vi. 发刮擦声, 搔, 抓; adj. 打草稿用的, 凑合的
e.g.: That cat will scratch you with its claws. 那猫会用爪子抓你的。
Good news and bad news (好消息和坏消息)
Patinent: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You've had an accident [color=Red]involving[/color] a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to [color=Red]amputate[/color] both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next [color=Red]ward[/color] who made a very good offer on your slippers.
参考翻译:
病人:我在医院!我怎么会在医院?
医生:你遇上了交通事故.
病人:发生什么事情了?
医生:恩,有好消息,也有坏消息.你想先听哪个?
病人:先说坏的吧.
医生:你的腿受伤了,因此我们要锯掉你的双腿.
病人:太可怕了!那好消息呢?
医生:隔壁病房的人给你的拖鞋出了个好价钱.
注释:
1. involve: vt. 包括, 笼罩, 潜心于, 使陷于
2. amputate: vt. 切除(手臂,腿等)
3. ward: n. 守卫, 保卫, 保护, 牢房, 病房, 行政区, 监护, 锁孔 ;vt. 守护, 保卫, 防止, 挡住, 躲开, 避免
Where is my goat? (我的羊哪儿去了?)
There were two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, [color=Red]abandoned[/color] mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a [color=Red]pebble[/color] and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. Then went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly [color=Red]darted[/color] between them and [color=Red]leapt[/color] into the hole!The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions for the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them!
The man replied," Oh, no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie.
参考翻译：
有两个人一起去远足，突然看到一个废弃的矿井。两人想知道这矿井有多深，于是就往里面扔了块小鹅卵石，然后等着石块落到井底，却没有听到任何声音。于是他们又找了一块更大的石头扔了进去，然后又等。结果还是没有听到声音。他们开始到处搜索，想找到一块更大的东西，结果找到了一跟铁路桩子。俩人费了好的的劲才把铁路桩子搬到洞口，然后扔了进去。就在他们等着铁路桩子落到井底的时候，突然看到一只山羊冲了过来，在两人之间蹦来蹦去，然后一头跳进了洞里。
就在俩人满脸发呆的时候，一个人走了过来。他问两人是否看见了一只山羊。他们告诉他刚刚有一只山羊当着他们的面跳到矿井里了！
那人回答道：“哦，不，那不可能是我的羊，我的羊被栓在一跟铁路桩子上了。”
注释：
1. abandoned: adj. 被抛弃的, 自甘堕落的, 没有约束的, 放荡的
abandon: vt. 放弃, 遗弃; n. 放任, 狂热
e.g.: Do not abandon yourself to despair. 不要悲观失望。
2. pebble: n. 小圆石, 小鹅卵石
3. dart: n. 标枪, 镖, (昆虫的)刺, 飞快的动作; v. 飞奔, 投掷
e.g.: The dog darted across the street. 狗飞奔过街道。
4. leap(leapt, leapt): v. 跳, 跳越, 跳跃; n. 跳跃, 飞跃
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-3-27 10:30 编辑 [/i]]
Write for mail order (邮购)
An elderly [color=Red]fisherman[/color] wrote to a mail order house the following: Please send me one of those [color=Red]gasoline engines [/color]for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check.In a short time he received the following reply: Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine.
参考翻译：
一个老渔夫向邮购公司发出了一个邮购订单：请给我送来一台438页上展示的那种船用汽油发电机。如果它还不错的话，我会给你们寄去一张支票。
很快地他就收到了回复：请将支票寄来。如果它还不错的话，我们会把发电机送过去。
注释：
1. fisherman: n. 渔民, 渔夫
2. gasoline engine 汽油(发动)机
engine: n. 发动机, 机车, 火车头
What was its name? (诊所的名字是什么?)
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other," Fred, how was the memory [color=Red]clinic[/color] you went to last month?""[color=Red]Outstanding[/color]," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest [color=Red]psychological techniques[/color]-visualization, association it. I made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank, he thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, " What do you call that flower with the long [color=Red]stem[/color] and[color=Red] thorns[/color]?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife... "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
参考翻译：
两对老年夫妇正在友好地交谈，其中一位男士问另一个：“弗雷德，你上月去的那家记忆诊所怎么样？”
“非常不错，”弗雷德回答，“他们教给了我最新的心理学技巧--想象和联想。现在我已经有了很大的进步。”
“太棒了！那家诊所的名字是什么？”
弗雷德茫然不知，他想了又想，就是记不起来。
突然，他脸上露出一丝笑容，然后问：“那种有修长花枝并长着刺的花叫什么来着？”
“你指玫瑰么？”
“对，就是玫瑰！” 他转向妻子，“罗斯（玫瑰），那家诊所叫什么名字？”
注释：
1. clinic: n. 门诊部, 临床
2. outstanding: adj. 突出的, 显著的
3. psychological: adj. 心理(上)的
衍生词：psychology: n. 心理学, 心理状态; psychologist: n. 心理学者
4. technique: n. 技术, 技巧, 方法, 表演法, 手法
5. stem: n. 茎, 干, 词干, 茎干; v. 滋生, 阻止
6. thorn: n. [植]刺, 棘, 荆棘
Did you see that? (看到没有?)
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says," Did you see that?""No." the second guy says.
"Well, a [color=Red]bald [/color][color=Red]eagle[/color] just flew overhead." the first guy says.
A couple of minutes later, the first guy says," Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later the first guy says," Did you see that?"
By now, the second guy is getting [color=Red]aggravated[/color], so he says," Yes, I did!"
And the first guy says," Then why did you step in it?"
参考翻译：
两个家伙外出猎鹿。第一个说：“看到没有？”
“没有。”第二个回答。
“一只秃鹰刚刚从头上面飞过。”第一个说。
“哦”第二个回答。
几分钟后，第一个又说：“看到没有？”
“看到什么？”第二个问道。
“你瞎了吗？那边山上有一只大黑熊。”
“哦。”
又过了几跟中，第一个又问：“看到没有？”
这时第二个家伙开始发怒了，他说：“我看到了！”
第一个家伙这次说：“看到了你还往陷阱里走？”
注释：
1. bald: adj. 光秃的, 单调的, 枯燥的
2. eagle: n. 鹰, 鹰状标饰
3. aggravate: vt. 使恶化, 加重
e.g.: Don't aggravate me, child. 孩子, 不要惹我生气。
Car problem (汽车故障)
One day, a [color=Red]mechanical[/color] engineer, a [color=Red]electrical[/color] engineer, a chemical engineer and a computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.The mechanical engineer said," I think a rod broke."
The chemical engineer said," The way it [color=Red]sputtered[/color] at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas."
The electrical engineer said," I think there was a[color=Red] spark [/color]and something's wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said," What do you think?"
The computer engineer said," I think we should all get out then get back in."
参考翻译:
一天,机械工程师、电气工程师、化学工程师和计算机工程师开着同辆车，车坏了。
机械工程师说：“我想是底盘坏了。”
化学工程师说：“看它喷尾气的样子，我想应该是没油了。”
电气工程师说：“我想有地方打火了，一定是电力系统出了什么问题。”
然后三个工程师问计算机工程师：“你觉得呢？”
计算机工程师说：“我想我们应该都下车，然后再上车。”
注释：
1. mechanical: adj. 机械的, 机械制的, 机械似的, 呆板的
2. electrical: adj. 电的, 有关电的
3. sputter: n. 喷溅声, 劈啪声, 急语, 咕哝; vi. 唾沫飞溅, 发劈啪声, 急忙地讲; vt. 喷出, 飞溅出, 气急败坏地说
4. spark: n. 火花, 火星, 闪光, 情郎, 花花公子, 活力, 电信技师, 瞬间放电;
vi. 闪烁, 发火花, 求婚;
vt. 发动, 鼓舞, 使有朝气, 求婚
e.g.: What made the electric wire spark? 电线冒火花是什么原因?
Her eyes sparked with fury. 她气得两眼冒火。
Catching the fish (钓鱼)
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the [color=Red]blazing[/color] sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the superemarket and ordered four [color=Red]catfish[/color]. He told the fish salesman," Pick four large ones and throw them at me, will you?""Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the[color=Red] orange roughy[/color]."
"But why?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."
参考翻译：
吉姆在湖边钓鱼，运气不佳，顶着烈日却一条也没钓到。在回家的路上，他走进一家超市准备买四条鲶鱼。他告诉营业员：“挑四条最大的，然后扔向我，明白吗？”
“为什么要扔向您？”
“我想告诉我妻子这些鱼是我钓到的。”
“好的，不过我建议你用新西兰黄鱼。”
“为什么？”
“你妻子今天早些时候来过，她说如果你经过这时，我应该告诉你买新西兰黄鱼。她今晚想吃这种鱼。”
注释：
1. blazing: adj. 炽烧的, 闪耀的, 强烈的
2. catfish: n. 鲶鱼
orange roughy: n. 新西兰黄鱼
The very bad accident (一次非常糟糕的事故)
Two men got out of their cars after they [color=Red]collided[/color] at [color=Red]intersection[/color]. One took a [color=Red]flask[/color] from his pocket and said to the other, "Here, maybe you'd like a [color=Red]nip[/color] to calm your nerves.""Thanks." he said, and took a long pull from the container.
"Here, you have one, too." he added, handing back the whiskey.
"Well, I'd rather not,"said the first. " At least not until after the police have been here."
参考翻译：
两辆车在十字路口相撞，司机都钻出汽车。一个从口袋里拿出一个瓶子，对另外一个说：“给，你得喝一小口来冷静一下。”
“谢谢。” 他接过来，喝了一大口，然后说，“给，你也来一口吧。” 说完把瓶子还给第一个司机。
“我还是不喝了，”第一个司机说，“至少警察来之前不能喝。”
注释：
1. collide: vi. 碰撞, 抵触
e.g.: “When truths collide, compromise becomes the first casualty”(Henry A. Kissinger)
“当事实相互抵触时，首当其冲的受害者是妥协”(亨利A.基辛格)
2. intersection: n. [数]交集, 十字路口, 交叉点
3. flask: n. 瓶, 长颈瓶, 细颈瓶, 烧瓶, 小水瓶
4. nip: n. 捏, 夹, (寒冷等)刺骨, 小饮
Three times bobbery (三次抢劫)
An FBI agent is [color=Red]interviewing[/color] a bank [color=Red]teller [/color]after the same [color=Red]bandit[/color] had bobbed the bank 3 times [color=Red]successively[/color]."Did you notice anything special about the man? I mean, did he ever change his [color=Red]appearance[/color]?" asks the agent.
"Yea," replies the teller."He was better dressed each time.
参考翻译：
一个强盗前后三次抢劫同一家银行，某联邦调查局探员正讯问一位银行出纳员。
“你是否注意到那家伙有什么特别之处？我的意思是说，他是否有改变装束？”
“是的，”出纳回答说，“他每次穿得都比上次好。”
注释：
1. interview: v. 接见, 会见, 面试
2. teller: n. 讲话的人, 告诉的人, (银行)出纳员, (投票的)检票员
3. bandit: n. 强盗
4. successively: adv. 接连着, 继续地
successive: adj. 接连的; 相继的; 继[连]续的; 逐次[步, 位]的
5. appearance: n. 出现, 露面, 外貌, 外观
Movies changed (电影改变了)
For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his [color=Red]rural[/color] town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the [color=Red]concession[/color] stand to [color=Red]purchase[/color] some popcorn.Handing the [color=Red]attendant[/color] $1.50, he couldn't help but comment," The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir,"the attendant replied with a [color=Red]grin[/color], "You're really going to enjoy youself. We have sound now."
参考翻译：
在十隔多年以后，一位老人再次从所住的乡村去城市看电影。他买了票之后，在禁步区前停下来，想买一些爆米花。
他给了服务员1.5 美元，禁不住说道：“我上次来看电影的时候，爆米花才卖15美分。”
“恩，先生，”服务员笑着回答说，“你真的会看得很开心的。我们现在有声音了。”
注释：
1. rural: adj. 乡下的, 田园的, 乡村风味的, 生活在农村的
相关词汇：urban: adj. 城市的, 市内的
2. concession: n. 让步
3. purchase: vt.& n. 买, 购买
e.g.: It is a recent purchase of mine. 那是我前几天买来的。
4. attendant: n. 服务员
5. grin: n. 露齿笑, 裂口笑; v. 露齿而笑
Demand for a raise (要求加薪)
"Boss, I've got to have a [color=Red]raise[/color]."the salesman said to his sales manager. "There are three other companies after me.""Is that a fact?"the manager asked. "What other companies are after you?"
"The [color=Red]electric[/color] company, the phone company, and the gas company."
参考翻译：
“老板，你得给我加薪，”推销员对销售经理说，“有其他三家公司在找我。”
“果真如此？”经理问，“哪三家公司在找你？”
“电力公司、电话公司和天然气公司。”
注释：
1. raise: n. 上升, 高地, 提出; vt. 升起, 唤起, 提高, 使出现, 解除, 饲养, 筹集, 使复活
2. electric: adj. 电的, 导电的, 电动的, 电气
New hearing aid (新的助听器)
An elderly gentleman had [color=Red]serious[/color] hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said,"Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the [color=Red]conversations[/color]. I've changed my [color=Red]will[/color] three times!"
参考翻译：
一个老绅士患了严重的听力问题很多年了。
他去看医生，医生给他陪了一副助听器，这样他又可以完全听得见了。
一个月之后，这位老绅士回到医生那里，医生问道：“你的听力很正常。你的家人一定为你又能听见了很高兴吧。”
老绅士回答说：“噢，我还没有告诉我的家里人。我只是坐在那里，听他们的谈话。我已经把我的遗嘱修改三次了！”
注释：
1. serious: adj. 严肃的, 认真的, 严重的
2. conversation: n. 会话, 交谈
3. will: n. 意志, 决心, 意向, 遗嘱; v. aux.将, 愿意, 必须
Confused
Confused by traffic signs (混淆交通标志)
A [color=Red]cop[/color] pulls over a [color=Red]carload[/color] of nuns.Cop: Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway---Why are you going so slow?
Sister:Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.
Cop: Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and [color=Red]trembling[/color].
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off the highway 119.
参考翻译：
一个警察让载着修女的车开到路边。
警察：修女，这是限速每小时65英里的公路，你干嘛开这么慢？
修女：警察先生，我看到路牌上写的是限速每小时22英里，不是65。
警察：哎，修女，那不是速度限制，那是你所在公路的编号！
修女：啊？！我太糊涂了，谢谢你告诉我。我以后会更仔细的。
这时，警察发现坐在车后排的几个修女正在发抖。
警察：对不起，修女，你这些坐在后排的朋友怎么了？她们颤抖得很厉害。
修女：噢，我们刚从119号公路驶过。
注释：
1. cop: n. 警官, 巡警, [纺]管纱; vt. 抓住
2. carload: n. 车辆所载的货物, 货车的最低载重量
3. trembling: n. 发抖, 担心, 战栗; adj. 发抖的, 担心的, 战栗的
Ode to cranky men (怪人颂)
I chanced to pass a windowWhile walking through a [color=Red]mall [/color]
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I [color=Red]recalled[/color].
I noticed in that window
A [color=Red]cranky[/color]-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn't understand.
Just why he looked at ME that way
Was more than I could see
Unitl I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!
参考翻译：
当我穿过一个卖场
不经意地走过一个橱窗
我什么都没有想，
记忆里一片空白。
我只是发现橱窗里
有一张又老又怪的脸
为什么他看上去那么怪
我真是不明白。
为什么他那样看着我
我怎么也想不明白
直到最后我意识到
那个怪人就是我！
注释：
1. mall: n.购物商场, 商业街, 林荫路
2. recall: vt. 回忆, 回想, 记起, 取消; n. 召回
3. cranky: adj. 任性的, 暴躁的, [航海]摇荡不稳的, 怪僻的
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-4-17 14:42 编辑 [/i]]
Clinton is vacationing (克林顿度假)
Last summer, the President and MRs. Clinton were[color=Red] vacationing [/color]in their home state of Arkansas. On a [color=Red]venture[/color] one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.As they were driving on to their [color=Red]destination[/color], Bill put his arm around Hillary and said,"Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today."
She [color=Red]smirked[/color] and replied,"No, if I had stayed with him, he would be the President of the United States."
参考翻译：
去年夏天，克林顿总统夫妇在家乡阿肯色州度假。一天他们外出，经过一家加油站，于是就停下把车加满汽油。正巧加油站的老板是希拉里的高中恋人。克林顿夫妇打过招呼之后就离开了。
在去目的地的路上，比尔搂住希拉里说：“亲爱的，如果当初你嫁给了他，你今天就是加油站老板的妻子了。”
她得意地笑了笑，回应说：“不，如果当初我嫁给了他，那么美利坚合众国的总统将会是他。”
注释：
1. vacation: n. 假期, 休假, (房屋等的)腾出; v. <美>度假, 休假
2. venture: n. 冒险, 投机, 风险; v. 冒险, 冒昧, 斗胆, 胆敢(谦语)
3. destination: n. 目的地, [计] 目的文件, 目的单元格
4. smirk: v. 傻笑; n. 假笑
The train has failed (火车故障)
A large two-engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines [color=Red]broke down[/color]. "No problem." the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.Father on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a [color=Red]standstill[/color].
The engineer decided he should [color=Red]inform[/color] the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following [color=Red]announcement[/color]:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."
参考翻译：
一列巨型双引擎火车正横穿美国。行驶一段距离之后，其中一个引擎发生了故障。“没关系。”火车司机心想，于是驾着火车继续行驶。
火车继续沿着路线前进，另一个引擎也发生了故障，整列火车瘫在轨道上一动不动。
司机觉得他应该告诉乘客为何火车停止运行，于是他做了这样的声明：
“女士们、先生们，这里有一个好消息和一个坏消息。坏消息是火车的两个引擎都发生了故障，我们不得不在此停留片刻。好消息是你们选择了坐火车而不是乘飞机。”
1. break down: v. 毁掉, 制服, 压倒, 停顿, 倒塌, 中止, 垮掉, 分解
2. standstill: n. 停止, 停顿
3. inform: v. (～ of/about) 通知, 告诉, 获悉, 告知
e.g.: He informed me of your decision. 他把你的决定告诉了我。
4. announcement: n. 宣告, 发表, 一项公告, 一项私人告示
Driver illegally parks (非法停车)
A driver [color=Red]tucked[/color] this note under the [color=Red]windshield wiper [/color]of his [color=Red]automobile[/color]. "I've circled the[color=Red] block [/color]for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our [color=Red]trespasses[/color]."When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note:"I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into [color=Red]temptation[/color]."
参考翻译：
某司机在他的雨刷下塞了一张纸条，上写：“我已经绕着大楼转了二十分钟了，还是没有找到车位。我急着赶赴一个约会，现在已经迟到了。如果不把车停在这里，我会失业的。请宽恕我们的罪过（语出《圣经》）。”
当他办完事回来时，发现一张违规停车罚单和一张纸条：“我绕着这幢楼转了二十年了。如果我不给你一张罚单，我就会失业。请让我们免受诱惑（语出《圣经》）。”
注释：
1. tuck: n. 缝摺, 活力, 鼓声, 船尾突出部下方, 食物(尤指点心、蛋糕); vt. 打摺, 卷起, 挤进, 塞, 使隐藏; vi. 折成摺子, 缩拢
2. windshield wiper 风档刮水器,风档雨雪刷
3. automobile: n. <主美>汽车(=<英>motor car,car)
4. block: n. 木块, 石块, 块, 街区, 印版, 滑轮, 阻滞, (一)批; vt. 防碍, 阻塞
5. trespass: n. 过失, 罪过, 侵入; v. 侵入
6. temptation: n. 诱惑, 诱惑物
I am not forgetful (我不健忘)
Three ladies were discussing the [color=Red]travails[/color] of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of [color=Red]mayonnaise[/color] in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."The second lady [color=Red]chimed in with[/color], "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or my way down."
The third one responded,"Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem." as she [color=Red]rapped[/color] her knuckles on the table, and then said," That must be the door, I'll get it!"
参考翻译：
三个女人正在讨论变老的痛苦。一个说：“有时候我站在冰箱前面手里拿着一桶蛋黄酱，但是我却记不得我是要把它放进冰箱呢，还是要开始做三明治。”
第二个女人附和着说：“是啊，有时候站在楼梯上，但是却想不起来我是要上楼还是要下楼。”
第三个女人回答说：“恩，女士们，我很高兴我没有这些问题。”说到这里，她用手指敲起桌子来，然后说：“一定是有人敲门，我去开门。”
注释：
1. travail: n. 辛苦
2. mayonnaise: n. 蛋黄酱
3. chime in with: v. 与...协调, 对...表示同意
chime: n. 一套发谐音的钟(尤指教堂内的), 和谐; vi. 鸣, 打, 和谐; vt. 敲出和谐的声音, 打钟报时
4. rap: n. 叩击, 轻拍, 轻敲, 斥责; vt. 敲, 拍, 打, 厉声说出, 斥责, 使着迷; vi. 敲击, 交谈 he he,very funny,
lz,u bring more happiness to our daily life...tks!! [quote]原帖由 [i]Stephen[/i] 于 2007-4-24 17:33 发表 [url=http://www.englishpub.cn/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=3959&ptid=324][img]http://www.englishpub.cn/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
he he,very funny,
lz,u bring more happiness to our daily life...tks!! [/quote]
My pleasure.