看英语笑话，学英文单词
参加EC已有好一段时间了，每次活动对我来说都是一次收获。在这里不仅结识了朋友，获取了信息，锻炼了口语，更让人感觉到的是一种温馨，同时也被你们的团队精神所感动。饮水思源，在享受你们精心策划的活动的同时，也尽一点个人的微薄之力。恰好手头正有一些资料，就拿出来和大伙一起分享。希望对学习英语的爱好者能够有所帮助，同时也祝愿我们的EC能够越办越好。 :D[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-9 10:28 编辑 [/i]] The physical training[color=Red] instructor[/color] was [color=Red]drilling[/color] a platoon of soldiers. “I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle,” he [color=Red]explained[/color]. “Now, begin!”
After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.
“Why did you stop, Smith?” demanded the officer.
“If you please, sir,” said Smith, “I’m [color=Red]freewheeling[/color] for a while.”
参考翻译：
体能训练教官在训练一个排的士兵。他说：“我希望每个人都躺下来，把双腿伸向空中，做骑自行车状。现在开始！”
过了几分钟，其中一个人停了下来。
教官问道：史密斯，你为什么停下来？”
史密斯回答说：“长官，如果你同意，我的自行车这会儿在凭着惯性前进。”
注释：
1. instructor： n. 教师；教员；指导者
e.g.: He is a sports instructor. 他是个体育教员。
2．drill：n.& v. 钻孔（机），操练
e.g.：To drill students in English grammar 让学生练习英语语法
3．explain: v. 解释，说明
e.g.：Can you explain why you were late?
4. freewheel: v. 轻快地行动，凭惯性前进
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:49 编辑 [/i]] yr kind and continual support is great appreciated! ha ,rock ,well done:) 哈，rock,看架势你好像要来开个网络课堂啊！支持支持！哎，我有好多东东都在家里的电脑里，很多也都是网友给的。 现在身边资源匮乏，又得好好积累了[s:4] [quote][b]引用第2楼[i]Stephen[/i]于[i]2006-10-24 13:17[/i]发表的“”[/b]:
yr kind and continual support is great appreciated![/quote]
[quote][b]引用第3楼[i]Tristen[/i]于[i]2006-10-24 13:45[/i]发表的“”[/b]:
ha ,rock ,well done:)[/quote]
[quote][b]引用第4楼[i]眉靓[/i]于[i]2006-10-24 17:26[/i]发表的“”[/b]:
哈，rock,看架势你好像要来开个网络课堂啊！支持支持！哎，我有好多东东都在家里的电脑里，很多也都是网友给的。 现在身边资源匮乏，又得好好积累了[s:4][/quote]
Tks u guys, I just try to be a little helpful.[s:1] Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were [color=Red]stupid[/color] and, if so, please stand.
Little Jimmy stood up, alone.
Mrs. White said, “Jimmy, do you really think you’re stupid?”
“No,” Jimmy said. “But I didn’t want you standing up there [color=Red]alone[/color].”
参考翻译：
怀特太太问她的四年级学生是否觉得自己很愚蠢，如果是，请站起来。
小吉米一个人站了起来。
怀特太太说：“吉米，你真的觉得自己蠢吗？”
“不，”吉米说，“但是我不想只有你一个人站着。”
注释：
1. stupid: adj. 愚蠢的，麻木的
记得阿甘正传里有句经典的对白：
----Are you stupid or something? 你是傻子还是怎么的？
----Stupid is as stupid does. 傻人做傻事。
2. alone: adj. 单独的，独自的；adv. 独自地
e.g.: I was alone in the house. 我一个人呆在家里。
这里顺便再提另一个词lonely：孤独的，寂寞的
前者强调的是客观现象，后者则强调主观感觉。看下面例子：
I live alone, but I am not lonely. 我独居，但我不孤独。
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:49 编辑 [/i]] 呵呵，有意思，rock continue Eleven women were [color=orangered]clinging[/color] precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would [color=orangered]perish[/color]. For an agonizing few moments no one [color=orangered]volunteered[/color].
Finally the brunette gave a truly [color=orangered]touching[/color] speech saying she would [color=orangered]sacrifice[/color] herself to save the lives of the others.
All the blondes applauded.
参考翻译：
十一个女人去登珠穆琅玛峰，她们全都吊在一座山势险峻的峭壁上，任绳子猛烈晃动。十个是金发女人，一个是褐发女人。
他们决定让其中一个人跳下去，因为如果不这样做的话，绳子就会断掉，所有的人都会丧命。她们煎熬了好一会儿，但没有一个自愿者出现。
最后，褐发女人发表了一篇感人肺腑的讲演，说她将牺牲自己以拯救其他人。
于是所有的金发女人都热烈鼓掌。
注释：
1. volunteer: n.&v. 自愿（者）
记得在大学时课堂上最常听到的一句话就是：Any volunteers?...(after several seconds)[s:15] Ok, if so, let's do it one by one.看来当时确实是很不积极。不过这个单词到是就这样记住了[s:1]再来看一个例子： We all volunteered to help this old man. 我们都自愿帮助这个老人。
2. cling: v. 粘者，紧贴，紧握不放，后通常跟“to”（注意它的过去式和过去分词）
e.g.: The baby monkey clung to its mother. 小猴子紧紧偎着它妈妈。
3. perish: v. 死，暴卒，毁灭，枯萎
e.g.: Flowers perish when frost comes. 霜降时花即枯萎。
4. touching: 感人的，同义词 moving
比较感性的一个词，就象体内的某根神经突然受到触动一样。
e.g.: The movie is touching. 这片影片很感人。
同时也顺便联系对应的两个touched 和moved，意为“被感动的”主语通常是人。
e.g.: I was deeply touched by his story. 我被他的故事所打动了。
5. sacrifice: n.& v. 供奉，祭祀，牺牲
这个词也是很经常用的。小时候我们常常被教育要学习革命先烈们sacrificed themselves to the country. 长大后为了家人、事业与爱情我们有时也不得不make some sacrifices。But we all think it is worth doing this. 当然应该没有人想自己成为 the sacrifice like a sheep in the temple。
[[i] 本帖最后由 Tristen 于 2008-6-2 13:23 编辑 [/i]] Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and [color=Red]disorderly[/color] [color=Red]conduct[/color] in a public part.
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing [color=Red]peanuts [/color]in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.
Judge: Sounds [color=Red]harmless[/color]. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!
参考翻译：
三个男人站在法官面前，因为被指控在一个公共公园里醉酒并有违纪行为。
法官：你在那儿做什么？
第一个男人：哦，只是在向池塘里扔花生。
法官：那么你又在那儿做什么呢？
第二个男人：我也在向池塘里扔花生。
法官：听起来好象无伤大雅啊。那么你呢，你也在向池塘里扔花生？
第三个男人：没有，先生。我就是花生。
注释：
1. disorder: n.& v. 杂乱，（使）混乱；disorderly 混乱的，无序的
2. conduct: n. 行为，操行；v. 引导，管理
e.g.: His conduct disagrees with his words. 他言行不一。
3. peanut: n. 花生
pea 豌豆+nut 坚果=peanut 花生（什么逻辑嘛 [s:3] ），还有pea豌豆+cock公鸡=peacock孔雀（英语真是让人匪夷所思 [s:10] ）
4. harmless: adj. 无害的，无恶意的；反义词：harmful 有害的
类似的形容词还有很多，例如：hopeful 和hopeless，meaningful和 meaningless等。
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:51 编辑 [/i]] A teacher was giving a lesson on the [color=orangered]circulation[/color] of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:" Now, students, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
" Yes, sir," the boys said.
" Then why is it that while I am standing [color=orangered]upright[/color] in the ordinary [color=orangered]position[/color] the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted," It's because your feet aren't empty."
参考翻译：
老师正在给学生们讲血液循环。为了讲得更清楚些，他说：“现在，同学们，如果我手脚倒立的话，正如你们知道的，血液会流入头部，然后我的脸会涨红。”
男孩们说：“是的，老师。”
“那么，为什么我正常站立的时候，血液不会流向脚下呢？”
一个小孩大声说：“因为你的脚不是空的。” [s:10]
注释：
1. circulation: n. 循环，流通 ，发行额
e.g.: This book has been taken out of circulation. 这本书已经不再发行了。
2. upright: adj. 垂直的，正直的
e.g.: Put the bottle upright, not on its side.
3. position: n. 位置，职位
e.g.: He's got a good position in this company. 他在这个公司谋得了一份好工作。
[[i] 本帖最后由 Tristen 于 2008-6-5 13:43 编辑 [/i]] Great!!Rock ROCKS!!!HAHA Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the [color=orangered]average[/color] student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be [color=orangered]budgeted [/color] in the following manner if the student desires to achieve good grades in his/ her classes.
15 mins looking for [color=orangered]assignment[/color].
11 mins calling a friend for the assignment.
23 mins explaining why the teacher is mean.
8 mins in the bathroom.
10 mins getting a [color=orangered]snack[/color].
7 mins checking the TV Guide.
6 mins telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 mins sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
参考翻译：
这里是针对一般学生学校家庭作业政策的解释。学生每天晚上不得花费90分钟以上用于做作业。如果一个学生想在课上取得好成绩，他应该像下面那样制定时间表：
15分钟寻找作业要求；
11分钟打电话给朋友询问要求；
23分钟想清楚老师的意思；
8分钟上洗手间；
10分钟吃点心；
7分钟翻看《电视指南》；
6分钟告诉父母老师没有说清楚作业是什么；
10分钟坐在厨房桌子前等爸爸或妈妈做作业。
注释：
1. schedule: n. 时间表，进度表; v. 确定时间
这个词还是很常用的。对于上班族来说，有时候忙起来容易忘事，所以手头有份schedule是再好不过了（只要别忙到忘了看就好）。当然，除了工作，在其他很多方面例如学习、旅游等也都需要schedule，人生就是在不断的完成中进行的。回到正题，来看两个具体的例子：
e.g.: The next thing on our schedule it to telephone our friends.
我们的日程安排中要做的下一件事就是给我们的朋友打电话。
The plane is scheduled to take off at 4 p.m.. 飞机定于下午四点起飞。
2. average: adj. 平均的，一般的; n. 平均数
e.g.: What is the average rainfall for August in your country?
你们国家八月份的平均降雨量是多少？
His results is the average. 他的成绩平平。
3. budget: n. 预算；v. 做预算
e.g.: a government/ family budge 政府/家庭预算
4. assignment: n. 任务，（课外）作业
以前曾给学生开过玩笑说我们的课是没有homework的（掌声不断），但是呢会有一些assignments给大家（掌声立刻停止，叹息声杀猪声四起）。不过幸运的是这个词倒也记住了。
e.g.: What’s today’s assignment? 今天的作业是什么？
5. snack: n. 小吃，快餐
这里要注意的是另外两个词snake蛇和snail螺，虽然也都可以吃，但如果点错了也是比较麻烦的，搞不好又吃出福寿螺事件。 A man enters a [color=orangered]barber[/color] shop for a [color=orangered]shave[/color]. While the barber is [color=orangered]foaming[/color] him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby [color=orangered]drawer[/color]. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. “And what if I [color=orangered]swallow[/color] it?”
“No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”
参考翻译：
一个男人去理发店修面。理发师给他抹上泡沫后，他说他需要很细致地刮两颊。
“我正好有办法，”理发师从旁边一个抽屉里拿出一个小的木球来，“把这个衔在口里，放在牙龈和脸颊之间。”
这位顾客照做了，理发师开始为他十分细致的刮脸，他从没有体会过的细致。刮了几刀后，这位客人含糊不清地问道：“如果我把它吞下去怎么办？”
“没关系，”理发师说：“就像所有人那样，你明天给我送回来就行了。”
注释：
1. barber: n. 理发师
去理发店可以说go to the barber’s 或 go to a barbershop, 当然纯理发可以说 have a haircut, 修剪的话是trim，平头是crap。
2. shave: v. 剃，刮；n. 刮脸
e.g.: My father shaves everyday. 我爸爸每天都刮脸。
3. foam: n. 泡沫；v. （使）起泡沫
e.g.: He was foaming at the mouth. 他口吐白沫。
4. drawer: n. 抽屉，画家
5. swallow: n. 吞，咽，燕子；v. 咽，吞, 吞没
e.g.: He swallowed some milk. 他咽下了几口牛奶。 看出来Rock是个很细心的人物啊，辛苦了~
文明灌水里有一个我们VIVI版主做的贴“[url]http://www.englishpub.cn/bbs/read.php?tid-19-toread-1.html[/url]”也是关于英语笑话的，你们看整合在你这里如何？ [quote][b]引用第14楼[i]Lainie[/i]于[i]2006-11-02 13:36[/i]发表的“”[/b]:
看出来Rock是个很细心的人物啊，辛苦了~
文明灌水里有一个我们VIVI版主做的贴“[url]http://www.englishpub.cn/bbs/read.php?tid-19-toread-1.html[/url]”也是关于英语笑话的，你们看整合在你这里如何？[/quote]
我没意见，把我的整过去也行。以后我就在那边跟贴。 In the supermarket was a man pushing a [color=orangered]cart[/color] which contained a screaming, [color=orangered]bellowing[/color] baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."
A woman standing next to him said," You certainly are to be commended for trying to [color=orangered]soothe[/color] your son, Albert."
The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."
参考翻译：
在一家超市里，一个男人推着一辆购物车，车里面有一个正在大喊大叫的小孩。这位绅士不停地柔声重复说：“不要太激动，阿尔伯特；不要尖叫，阿尔伯特；不要大喊，阿尔伯特；保持冷静，阿尔伯特。”
站在他身边的女人对他说：“你一定是在哄你的孩子阿尔伯特吧？”
男人看了看她，说：“女士，我是阿尔伯特。”
注释：
1. cart: n. 手推车；v.用车装载
e.g.: We usually use a cart or basket in a supermarket. 在超市里我们通常用手推车或篮子。
2. bellow: v. 吼叫，咆哮
e.g.: " Go away!" he bellowed angrily. “滚开！”他气愤地大声吼道。
3. soothe: v. 使（神经，情绪）平静，使（痛苦，疼痛）减轻
e.g.: She soothed the child who was afraid. 她使这个害怕的孩子安静下来。 The shopkeeper was [color=orangered]dismayed[/color] when a [color=orangered]brand new [/color] business much like his own opened up next door and [color=orangered]erected[/color] a huge [color=orangered]sign[/color] which read [b]BEST DEALS[/b].
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading [b]LOWEST PRICES[/b].
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read [b]MAIN [color=orangered]ENTRANCE[/color][/b].
参考翻译：
一个零售店老板很担忧，当他看见他的店旁边开了一家类似的商店，那家店还立了一块大牌子写着：最好的买卖。
不久他更害怕了，因为另一家竞争对手在他家店的右边开张了，并且在店面上立了更大的一块牌子，写着：最低的价格。
店主慌了，最后他想出了一个办法。他在自己的店面上立了最大的一块牌子，上面写着：入口。
注释：
1. dismay: n.&v. （使）沮丧，（使）惊慌
e.g.: I was dismayed when I recognized his voice. 当我听出是他的声音时，我感到丧气。
2. brand new: 崭新，全新
3. erect: adj.& v. 直立（的），竖立（的）
e.g.: This monument was erected in honor of the martyrs during the internal war.
这座纪念碑是为内战中牺牲的烈士们而建立的。
4. sign: n. 标记，符号；v. 签名（于）
e.g.: Please sign your name here. 请在这里签名。
易混词：sigh 叹息
5. entrance: n. 入口 对应词：exit 出口
e.g.: He stood in the entrance of the hospital.
他站在医院的入口处。 [size=2]A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a [color=orangered]parrot[/color] on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, your are really [color=orangered]ugly[/color]." Well, the lady was angry! She stormed past the store to her work. One the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, " Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly [color=orangered]furious[/color] so she went into the store and asid that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, " That's not good," and promised it wouldn't say it again.
The next day when the lady walked past the store the parrot called to her, " Hey, lady."
She paused and said, " Yes?"
The bird said, " You know." [s:2]
参考翻译：
一位女士穿过一条街去上班，她看见一家宠物店前面挂着一只鹦鹉。鹦鹉对她说：“嗨，女士，你真的很丑。”当然，女士很生气！她一阵风似的走过这家店去上班了。回家的路上，她又看见那只鹦鹉，它又对她说：“嗨，女士，你真的很丑。”
女士真的被激怒了，于是她走进店去，声称她要告这家店并且杀了那只鸟。店长回答说：“那可不好。”然后保证说它再也不说了。
第二天，女士又走过这家店，鹦鹉把她叫住了，“嗨，女士。”
她停下来说道：“怎么？”
那只鸟说：“你知道的。”
注释：
1. parrot: n. 鹦鹉 易混词 carrot (胡萝卜）
e.g.: We can't be the parrots of others men's thinking.
我们不能成为人云亦云而不知所云者。
2. ugly: adj. 丑陋的，难看的 反义词：beautiful
3. furious: adj. 狂怒的，狂暴的
e.g.: He will be furious at being kept waiting.
如果让他久等，他会大发雷霆的。[/size] The man [color=orangered]approached[/color] a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, " You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a [color=orangered]couple[/color] of minutes?"
" Why?"
" Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of [color=orangered]nowhere[/color]."
参考翻译：
早超市里，男人走近一个非常漂亮的女人，问道：“你知道么，我在这家超市里丢了我的妻子。你能和我说几句话吗？”
“为什么？”
“因为每次我和美女说话的时候，我妻子就会从不知什么地方出现的。”
注释：
1. approach: v. 接近，靠近； n. 接近，方法，途径
e.g.: The approach of winter brings cold weather. 冬天快到了,天气要转冷了。
A new year is approaching. 新年快到了。
2. couple: n. (一)对, (一)双, 夫妇 a couple of 几（个），三两（个）
e.g.: I have a couple of things to do. 我有几件事情要办。
This is a newly married couples 这是一对新婚夫妇。
3. nowhere:adv. 无处, 到处都无
e.g.: He is nowhere to be seen. 任何地方都见不着他。
He came from nowhere. 不知道他是从那里来的。 [color=orangered]Mortal[/color]: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second.
参考翻译：
凡人：一百万年对于你来说是什么？
上帝：就像一秒钟。
凡人：一百万美元对于你来说是什么？
上帝：就像一便士。
凡人：可以给我一便士吗？
上帝：等我一秒种。
注释：
1. mortal: n. 凡人, 人类；adj. 致命的, 人类的, 临终的
e.g.: As mortal beings, we’re all going to die one day.
作为凡人，我们有一天都会死去。
易混词：moral adj. 道德的； n. 道德 God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a [color=orangered]companion[/color] for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him,:" Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will [color=orangered]worship [/color] the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly [color=orangered]intelligent[/color], she will [color=crimson]wait on you hand and foot [/color] and [color=orangered]obey[/color] your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, " What could I get for a rib?"
参考翻译：
上帝向凡间看，发现所有的动物都成双成对，只有亚当是孤身一人，于是他决定也给男人造一个同伴。他去见亚当，对他说：“亚当，你是我最杰出的造物，因此我将为你造一个终身伴侣。她将敬畏你走过的土地，只渴望你，而不想别人，她会十分聪明，会无微不至地守侯你，听从你的一切命令，她会很漂亮，而这一切只需要用去你的一只胳膊和一条腿。”想了一会儿后，亚当回答说：“那我用一跟肋骨可以得到什么？”
注释：
1. companion: n. 同伴，共事者
e.g.: She is my only Chinese companion during my stay in America.
她是我在美期间唯一的中国伙伴。
2. worship: v.& n. 崇拜，尊敬
e.g.: Christians worship God.
基督教徒信仰上帝。
3. intelligent: adj. 聪明的，伶俐的
4. wait on sb. hand and foot 无微不至地守侯某人
e.g.: She always waits on me hand and foot.
她总是一直全身心地守侯在我身边。
5. obey: v. 服从，顺从
e.g.: Soldiers have to obey orders.
军人必须服从命令。 A preacher was [color=orangered]completing[/color] a [color=orangered]temperance[/color] sermon with great expression. He said," If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater [color=orangered]emphasis[/color] he said," And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally he said," And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down. The song leader then stood very [color=orangered]cautiously[/color] and announced with asmile, " For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: Shall We Gather at the River."
参考翻译：
一个牧师正在用极高明的表达方式结束一次有关节制的训诫。他说道：“如果我有世界上所有的啤酒，我将把它们仍进河里。” 他又加重语气说：”如果我有世界上所有的葡萄酒，我也把它们仍进河里。”
最后，他说：“如果我有世界上所有的威士忌，我也把它们仍进河里。”
说完他坐下，唱诗班领队十分谨慎地站起来，微笑着宣布：“我们的结束曲目是第365号赞美诗，《让我们在河岸聚会》”。
注释：
1. complete: adj. 全部的，完成的； v. 完成，使完善
e.g.: This is a complete story. 这是一个完整的故事。
The work is not completed yet. 这个工作还未完成。
2. temperance: n. 节欲，戒酒，禁酒
e.g.: practise temperance in diet 节制饮食
3. emphasis: n. 强调,侧重点, 重要性
e.g.: He spoke with emphasis. 他强调地说。
4. cautiously: adv. 慎重地
e.g.: " Isn't that too dangerous?" she asked cautiously.
“那不是太危险了吗？”她慎重地问。 A big [color=orangered]burly[/color] man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her [color=orangered]charitable[/color] [color=orangered]impulses[/color].
"Madam," he said in a broken voice," I wish to draw your attention to the terrible [color=orangered]plight[/color] of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"
The [color=orangered]sympathetic[/color] visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord." he sobbed.
参考翻译：
一个高大魁梧的男人去拜访牧师的家，并要求拜会牧师的妻子，她是一个因慈悲心肠而闻名的女人。
他用令人心碎的声音说道：“太太，这个街区有一家人生活特别穷困，我希望您能注意到他们。父亲死了，母亲也重病而无法工作，九个孩子都在挨饿。他们即将被赶到冰冷空荡的大街上，如果没有人为他们付400美元的房租的话。”
“真可怕！”牧师的妻子惊呼道，“我能问问你是谁吗？”
这个充满同情心的来访者用手绢拭着眼睛，啜泣着说：“我是他们的房东。”
注释：
1. burly: adj. 魁伟的, 结实的, 直率的
e.g.: a burly-set young man 一个体格魁梧的青年
a burly way of speaking 直截了当的讲话方式
2. charitable: adj. 心慈的；仁慈的；慈善的；大慈大悲的
e.g.: a charitable club 一个慈善团体
3. impulse: n. 推动, 刺激, 冲动, 推动力
e.g.: She bought the dress on impulse. 她一时冲动买了这件衣服。
He is a man of impulse. 他是个易冲动的人。
4. plight: n. 情况, 状态, 困境, 盟誓(婚姻)
e.g.: He is in a sad plight. 他陷入了悲惨的境地。
5. sympathetic: adj. 同情的，有同情心的 衍生词：sympathy 同情，同情心
e.g.: When I told her why I was worried, she was very sympathetic.
当我告诉她我着急的原因时，她很同情。 At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what [color=orangered]cooperation[/color] is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the [color=orangered]affirmative[/color].
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the [color=orangered]umpire[/color]. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
" Good," said the coach, "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."
参考翻译：
比赛中，教练对他的一个年轻球员说：“你明白什么是合作吗？什么是团队吗？”
小男孩点点头，表示明白。
“你明白重要的是我们一起取胜吗？”
小男孩又点点头。
“那么，”教练接着说，“当裁判叫了暂停，或者你先出线了，不要和裁判争论，也不要咒骂或者攻击裁判。你都能明白？”
小男孩又点点头。
“很好，”教练说，“现在你去那边给你妈妈解释一下。”
注释：
1. cooperation: n. 合作，协作
e.g.: Thank you for your cooperation. 感谢你们的合作。
2. affirmative: adj. 肯定的，赞成的
e.g.: He gave me an affirmative reply. 他给了我一个肯定的回答。
3. umpire: n. 仲裁人，裁判员；v. 仲裁，作裁判
e.g.: His father is an international umpire. 他父亲是一名国际裁判。 A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gate waiting for them.
"Come with me," said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a [color=orangered]mansion[/color]. It had anything you could imagine from a [color=orange]bowling alley [/color] to an Olympic size pool.
"Wow, thank you," said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a [color=orangered]rugged [/color] old [color=orangered]shack[/color] with a [color=orange]bunk bed [/color] and a little old television set.
"Wait, I think you are a little mixed up," said the priest. "Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word."
"Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed."
参考翻译：
一个牧师和一个出租车司机同时去世了，进了天堂。圣彼得站在天堂之门等着他们。
“跟我来，”圣彼得对出租车司机说。
出租车司机照着做了，跟着圣彼得来到一座豪宅。那里从保龄球道到奥运会规格的游泳池，应有尽有。
“哦，谢谢您。”出租车司机说。
然后，圣彼得带牧师来到一个破败不堪的小木屋里，厘米那只有一张小破床和一台很小的旧电视。
“等等，我想你是弄错了，”牧师说，“难道我不应该是住那栋豪宅的人吗？我毕竟是一个牧师，每天都去教堂，传播上帝的真言。”
“对，你说得很对。但是在你传道的时候，人们都在睡觉。而出租车司机开车的时候，大家都在祈祷。”
注释：
1. mansion: n. 大厦，官邸
2. bowling alley 保龄球场
3. rugged: adj. 高低不平的, 崎岖的, 粗糙的, 有皱纹的
a rugged face 一张粗犷的脸
4. shack: n. 简陋的房屋；小木屋
5. bunk bed (附有梯子的)双层床 priest 牧师 Pearly gate 天堂之门
Wait, I think you are a little mixed up
St. Peter 圣彼得 Olympic size pool
preached God's word 传播上帝的真言 One afternoon a little boy was playing [color=orangered]outdoors[/color]. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.
He left the broom on the back [color=orangered]porch[/color]. His mother was cleaning up the ketchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy [color=orangered]imformed[/color] his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.
His mother smiled and said,"The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid." The little boy opened the back door a little and said,"Lord, if you are out there, hand me the broom."
参考翻译:
一天下午,小男孩在外面玩。他把妈妈的扫把当马骑，玩得很开心，一直玩到天黑才回家。
他把扫把留在了后院。妈妈想打扫厨房，发现扫把不见了，于是问小孩扫把哪去了。他告诉妈妈扫把在后院里。于是妈妈叫他去把扫把拿回来。小男孩告诉妈妈他怕黑，所以不想出去找扫把。
妈妈笑着说：“上帝也在外面，不要害怕。”小男孩打开后院的门，说道：“上帝啊，如果你在外面的话，把扫把递给我吧。”
注释：
1. outdoors: n. 户外；adj. 在户外，在野外
e.g.: A farmer works outdoors. 农民在野外干活。
2. porch: n. 门廊, 走廊
3. inform: v. (～ of/about) 通知, 告诉, 获悉, 告知
衍生词：information
e.g.: The sales manager asked his men to inform him of everything concerning the sales in time. 销售部经理让他手下的人把关于销售量的情况及时报告他。 A [color=orangered]Baptist missionary [/color] was walking in Africa when he heard the [color=orangered]ominous[/color] padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in [color=orangered]thy[/color] goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."
And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too:" Oh Lord," he prayed," I thank [color=crimson]thee [/color] for the food which I am about to receive."
参考翻译：
一个浸信会传教士走在非洲，突然他听见身后有狮子骇人的脚步声。“噢，上帝啊，”传教士祷告道，“请主保佑我在我身后这头狮子是一头好的基督教狮子。”
这时，一段时间的沉寂后，传教士听见狮子也在祷告：“噢，上帝啊，我感谢你给我送来我正要收获的食物。”
注释：
1. encounter:vt. 遭遇；遇到
e.g.: The more dangers we encounter, the harder should we push forward.
越是艰险越向前。
2. Baptist: n. 浸信会教徒
3. missionary: adj. 传教的, 传教士的; n. 传教士
4. ominous: adj. 不吉利的；不祥的
an ominous warning 不祥的预兆
5. thy: (古英语) your; thee: you(宾格) A policeman stops a lady and asks for her [color=orangered]licence[/color]. He says," Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered, "Well, I have [color=orangered]contacts[/color]."
The policeman replied, "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
参考翻译:
一名警察拦下一位女士,问她要驾驶执照.他说：“小姐，这里说你必须戴眼睛。”
女人回答说：“恩，我带了隐型眼镜（我有关系）。”
警察回答说：“我不管你认识谁！你将得到一张罚单！”
注释：
1. licence:n. 执照, 许可证, 特许; vt.许可, 特许, 认可, 发给执照
driving licence 驾驶执照
2. contact:n. 接触, 联系;vt. 接触, 联系
contact lenses 隐形眼镜 （有时候口语直接说 contacts） A police officer [color=orangered]attempts[/color] to stop a car for speeding and the guy [color=orangered]gradually[/color] increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't [color=orangered]escape[/color] and finally pulls over.
The [color=orangered]cop [/color] approaches the car and says," It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your [color=orangered]behavior[/color], I'll let you go."
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says," My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
参考翻译：
一名警官试图让一辆超速的汽车停下来。那个人不断地提速直到每小时100英里的最高速。他终于意识到他逃不掉了，于是停了下来。
警察走过来，说：“这是很长的一天，我的工作也快结束了，如果你能对你的行为给我一个很好的理由的话，我就让你走。”
男人想了一会儿，然后说：“我的妻子一星期之前和一个警察跑了。我还以为你就是那个警察，想把她送还给我呢！”
注释：
1. attempt: n. 努力, 尝试, 企图; vt. 尝试, 企图
e.g.: The boys attempted to leave for camping but were stopped by their parents.
男孩子们想去野营但被他们的父母们拦住了。
She made an attempt to cook the dinner. 她试着做这顿饭。
2. gradually: adv. 渐渐地，逐渐地
e.g.: The children grew up gradually. 孩子们渐渐长大成人。
3. escape: n. 逃, 逃亡; vi. 逃脱, 避开, 溜走; vt.逃避, 避免, 被忘掉
e.g.: The prisoners planned to escape but failed.
那些囚犯曾计划逃跑但没有成功。
4. cop: n. 警察; v. 抓，捉，捕
a fair cop 依法逮捕
5. behavior: n. 举止, 行为 衍生词 behave： v. 行为；举止
e.g.: Behave yourself, kids! 规矩点，孩子们！ A [color=orangered]rookie[/color] police officer was out for his first ride in a [color=orangered]cruiser[/color] with an [color=orangered]experienced[/color] partner. A call came in telling them to [color=orangered]disperse[/color] some people who were l[color=orangered]oitering.[/color]
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner people.” A few [color=orangered]glances[/color], but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner…NOW!” [color=orangered]Intimidated[/color], the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”
“Pretty good,” chuckled the vet, “Especially since this is a bus stop.”
参考翻译:
一个新上任的警官和他经验丰富的搭档一起第一次出去巡逻。有命令来了,告诉他们去遣散正在闲逛的人。
于是他们沿着街道向前开，发现有一小群人站在街角上。新人摇下车窗，说道: “大家都离开这个街角.” 有人瞥了他几眼，但是没有人行动,于是他有大喊道: “都离开这个街角，现在!” 人们害怕了，开始离开，但是却用困惑的目光盯着他这个方向。这位年轻的警官为他这第一份差使很是骄傲,扭过头去问他的同伴说：“恩，我做得怎么样？”
“挺好的,”这位老警察咯咯笑着说，“特别是因为这是一个公共汽车站。”
注释：
1. rookie: n. 新手
2. cruiser: n. 巡逻车，巡洋舰
3. experienced: adj. 有经验的
e.g.: an experienced teacher 一个有经验的老师
4. disperse: v. 驱散，分散，消散
e.g.: The police dispersed the crowd. 警察驱散群众。
5. loiter: v. 游荡，闲逛
e.g.: He loitered on his way. 他一路闲逛。
6. glance: v. 扫视，匆匆一看；n. 一瞥，匆匆一看
e.g.: She glanced along the road to see if he was coming.
她沿路扫视着，看他是否要来了。
7. intimidate: v. 胁迫
e.g.: He said he would never be intimidated by big names and authorities.
他说他决不会被名人、权威所吓倒。 The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at [color=orangered]apprehending criminals[/color]. The President decides to give them a test. He [color=orangered]releases [/color] a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal[color=orangered] informants [/color] throughout the forest. They question all plants and mineral [color=orangered]witnesses[/color]. After three months of extensive [color=orangered]investigations[/color] they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no [color=orangered]apologies[/color]. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”
参考翻译:
洛杉机警署、联邦调查局和中情局都想证明他们是捉拿罪犯的顶尖高手。总统决定给他们一个测试。他放了一只兔子到森林里，然后让这三个机构都去捉它。
中情局进去了。他们在森林里四处布下了动物线人。他们盘问所有的植物和矿物目击者。三个月集中调查后，他们的结论是兔子不存在。
联邦调查局的人进去了。两个星期后没有任何进展，于是他们放火烧了森林，杀死了里面所有的生灵，包括那只兔子，而且他们不做任何道歉。那只兔子活该。
洛杉机警署进去了。他们两个小时之后就出来了，带回来一只遍体鳞伤的熊。熊还在咆哮着：“好啦！好啦！我是兔子！我是兔子！”
注释：
1. apprehend: vt.理解, 领会, 观察, 思考, 害怕, 忧虑, 逮捕, 捉拿; 抓住
e.g.: apprehend danger in every sound 风声鹤唳, 草木皆兵
At last I apprehended his meaning. 最后, 我理解了他的意思。
2. criminal: n. 罪犯, 犯罪者; adj. 犯罪的, 犯法的, 罪恶的
e.g.: criminal cases 刑事案件 criminal attempt 犯罪未遂
衍生词 crime 犯罪，犯罪行为
3. release: n. 释放, 让渡, 豁免; vt. 释放, 解放, 放弃, 让与, 免除, 发表
e.g.: Four prisoners were released. 四名犯人被释放了。
4. informant: n. 通知的人, 密告者, 被调查的人
5. witness: n. [律]证人, 目击者, 证据, 证明, 证词
vt. 目击, 为...作证, 证明, 表明
vi.作证, 成为证据
e.g.: He witnessed the accident. 他亲眼看见那个意外事故。
6. investigation: n. 调查；研究 衍生词 v. investigate
e.g.: The investigation will take weeks. 调查将进行几个星期。
7. apology: n. 道歉 衍生词 v. apologize 道歉
e.g.: I owe him an apology. 我应向他道歉。 The children were lined up in the [color=orangered]cafeteria[/color] of a Catholic [color=orangered]elementary[/color] school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note and posted it on the apple [color=orangered]tray[/color]: Take only ONE…God is watching.
At the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: Take all you want…God is watching the apples.
参考翻译：
孩子们在天主教会小学的餐厅里排好队，准备吃午饭。在桌子的最前端放的是一大堆苹果。一个修女在果盘里贴了一张便条：只拿一个…上帝在看着。
在桌子的另一端，放的是一大堆巧克力脆饼。一个孩子写了一张便条贴在那里：想拿多少拿多少…上帝在看着苹果。
注释：
1. cafeteria: n.自助餐厅 school cafeteria 学校食堂
2. elementary: adj.初步的, 基本的,
elementary school 小学 secondary school 中学
3. tray: n. 盘, 碟, 盘子 Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.
He said, “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there [color=orangered]threatening[/color] to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting [color=orangered]donations[/color].”
“Donations!” I asked, “How much you got so far?”
He said, “about ten gallons.”
参考翻译：
警察封锁了交通，汽车的长龙排了好几英里了。警察一辆车挨一辆车地走着。当他们走到我的车跟前时，我问警官发生了什么事。
他说：“都是阿尔.高尔。他在那边威胁说他要自焚！我们在这里挨车募捐。”
“募捐！”我说，“你们已经募到多少了？”
他说：“大约十加仑。”
注释：
1. threaten: v. 恫吓；威胁
e.g.: His father threatened to beat the boy if he stole again.
男孩的父亲威胁说如果他再偷东西的话，就要揍他。
The owner threatened to chuck us out of the pub if we got drunk.
酒店老板威胁说,如果我们喝醉了就把我们赶出酒店去。
2. donation: n. 捐赠品, 捐款, 贡献
a blood donation 献血 it is a good idea for learning english! [quote][b]引用第35楼[i]Gracehong[/i]于[i]2006-11-30 17:26[/i]发表的“”[/b]:
it is a good idea for learning english![/quote]
I Think so. [s:21] A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” [color=Red]snapped[/color] the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your [color=Red]heels[/color] in[color=Red] jail[/color] until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say—”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t [color=Red]count on [/color]it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the [color=Red]groom[/color].”
参考翻译：
一个警官拦下一部车，因为他在主干道上超速了。
“但是，长官，”男人说，“我可以解释。”
“别说话就行了，”警官打断他说，“警长回来之前我会让你在监狱里好好凉快你的脚后跟的。”
“但是，长官，我只是想说—”
“我说了不要说话！你就要进大狱！”
几个小时以后，警官进去看了看他的犯人，说：“你很幸运，警长正在参加他女儿的婚礼。他回来的时候心情一定不错。”
“别指望了，”狱房里的人回答说，“我是那个新郎。”
注释：
1. snap: (snapped; snapping) v. 猛咬[扑]，突然折断，厉声说, 急促地说
e.g.: The dog snapped at me. 那只狗咬了我。
He snapped down the lid of the box. 他啪哒一声关上箱盖。
2. heel: n. 脚后跟，踵
3. jail: n. 监狱; vt. 监禁
4. count on: v. 依靠, 指望
5. groom: n.新郎（亦作bridegroom） 新娘 bride
相关词汇：伴郎groomsman；伴娘 bridesmaid / a matron of honor
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2007-1-16 16:54 编辑 [/i]]
Request before death (临终请求)
A [color=Red]murderer[/color], sitting in the electric chair, was about to be [color=Red]executed[/color].“Have you any last [color=Red]requests[/color]?” asked the chaplain.
“Yes,” replied the murderer, “Will you hold my hand?”
参考翻译：
一个杀人犯坐在电椅上，将要被处死。
监狱牧师问他：“你有什么临终请求吗？”
杀人犯回答说：“有啊，你可以拉着我的手吗？”
注释：
1. murderer: n. 杀人犯，凶手
衍生词：murder: n.& vt. 谋杀, 凶杀
2. execute: vt. 执行, 实行, 完成, 处死, 使（遗嘱）生效
e.g.: He asked his nephew to execute his will. 他叫自己的侄子执行遣嘱。
3. request: vt.& n.请求, 要求
e.g.: She made a request for some water. 她请求给点水。
[[i] 本帖最后由 rock 于 2006-12-5 10:25 编辑 [/i]]
Lawyers get robbed (律师被抢)
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed [color=Red]robbers[/color] burst in.While several of the robbers take the money from the [color=Red]tellers[/color], others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one [color=Red]jams[/color] something in lawyer number two’s hand.
Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, “What is this?” To which lawyer number one replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”
参考翻译：
两个律师在银行里，突然持枪抢劫犯闯了进来。
他们几个人让银行职员给他们拿钱，另几个让顾客们对着墙排成行，开始搜他们的钱包、手表等物品，两个律师也在其列。正在这个时候，律师一向律师二手里塞了些东西。
没有向下看，律师二低声问道：“这是什么？”律师一回答说：“是我欠你的５０美元。”
注释：
1. rob: v. 抢夺, 抢掠, 剥夺
e.g.: I was robbed of my watch. 我的手表被抢走了。
衍生词：robber n.强盗, 盗贼; robbery n. 抢掠, 抢夺
2. teller: n. 讲话的人, 告诉的人, (银行)出纳员, (投票的)检票员
3. jam: n. 果酱, 拥挤, 堵塞, 困境; v. 挤进, 使塞满, 混杂, 压碎, 使堵塞
e.g.: The bus was jammed full. 公共汽车挤得满满的。
Traffic jam n. 塞车, 交通拥塞